Nothing new to add; just the stuff that's already assigned, including:
>>> Writing the latest practice story, slugged FINAL LEDES, which is due by 9 a.m. Monday via email to omars@msu.edu;
>>> Reading Ch. 11 in Reporting for the Media by Monday;
>>> Reviewing chapters H through P in the AP Stylebook by Monday.
>>> Making sure you have reviewed ALL previous blog posts from the month of May. If you missed any, please go back and review 'em as needed.
Please see the Thursday 5/29 homework blog post for details.
That's all for now. Good luck to all and have a fun weekend!
Friday, May 30, 2014
Thursday, May 29, 2014
JRN 200: Your Thursday 5/29 Homework
First, be sure to read all the following blog posts that were posted today,
most of which are regarding the MORE LEDES exercise. The biggest way we
learn in this class is by reviewing our work, so it's critical you
carefully review each and every blog post, in addition to the graded
versions of your stories which I have emailed back to you (which contain
specific comments to your work).
Now, on to the rest of the weekend homework:
For your next JRN 200 reading assignment, you will be asked to read Chapter 11 (p. 279-306) in Reporting For The Media, 10th Edition, by Monday morning.
There may be a few people awaiting delivery of your books. In recognition of that, I have emailed you an attachment (from a digital version of the ninth edition of RFTM that I happened to have) of chapter 10, which approximates chapter 11 in the 10th edition.
So, just download and read the attachments, and you'll be ready for Monday. (Just do the readings, and don't bother for now with the exercises in each chapter.)
I do need to warn you that THIS IS THE FINAL TIME I WILL SHARE DIGITAL CHAPTERS WITH YOU. We are now three weeks into the summer; you MUST have the 10th edition in hand by Monday.
If anyone has problems meeting that deadline, or if you have any other questions or concerns whatsoever, please contact me by email, phone or in-person.
Also, please review chapters H through P in your AP Stylebook by no later than Monday morning.
You also have one last ledes assignment that will be due no later than 9 a.m. sharp Monday morning to omars@msu.edu. Your slug will be FINAL LEDES. I'm providing the items below. From here on out, though, your writing assignments will come from the RFTM text. I'll simply provide you page and assignment numbers, and you'll be responsible for having the book and looking up the content from which to write your assignment.
Here's the content, for each of which you need to write a lede of 32 or fewer words, in 75 minutes or less, total:
-->
-->
Now, on to the rest of the weekend homework:
For your next JRN 200 reading assignment, you will be asked to read Chapter 11 (p. 279-306) in Reporting For The Media, 10th Edition, by Monday morning.
There may be a few people awaiting delivery of your books. In recognition of that, I have emailed you an attachment (from a digital version of the ninth edition of RFTM that I happened to have) of chapter 10, which approximates chapter 11 in the 10th edition.
So, just download and read the attachments, and you'll be ready for Monday. (Just do the readings, and don't bother for now with the exercises in each chapter.)
I do need to warn you that THIS IS THE FINAL TIME I WILL SHARE DIGITAL CHAPTERS WITH YOU. We are now three weeks into the summer; you MUST have the 10th edition in hand by Monday.
If anyone has problems meeting that deadline, or if you have any other questions or concerns whatsoever, please contact me by email, phone or in-person.
Also, please review chapters H through P in your AP Stylebook by no later than Monday morning.
You also have one last ledes assignment that will be due no later than 9 a.m. sharp Monday morning to omars@msu.edu. Your slug will be FINAL LEDES. I'm providing the items below. From here on out, though, your writing assignments will come from the RFTM text. I'll simply provide you page and assignment numbers, and you'll be responsible for having the book and looking up the content from which to write your assignment.
Here's the content, for each of which you need to write a lede of 32 or fewer words, in 75 minutes or less, total:
-->
1. For the last 62 years, Olivida Saleeby has lived with
her husband, Wesley, in their home at 1961 Elizabeth Lane, a structure
originally built by her parents. The couple has been married all 62 of those
years, immediately moving in with her parents after their honeymoon and later
inheriting the house. Last week Wesley died, and his body remains unburied in a
funeral home. Olivida on Thursday night asked the East Lansing Zoning Board at its regular weekly
meeting for permission to bury her dead husband in their back yard. By a vote
of 7–0, board members refused. Olivida explained that she has no other living
relatives, deeply loved her 81-yr.-old husband, and wanted her beloved husband
to remain near her. He died suddenly and unexpectedly of a heart attack. Board
members rejected her plea and explained burial in a residential neighborhood
would set a bad precedent and bring down property values.
2. It
was just one of those days for state Representative Constance P. Wei. Wei is the
representative for the 86th District. Wei, who lives at 206 North Wabash
Avenue in East Lansing, is a proponent of limited government. State representatives have been
trying to pass a ban on using cell phones while driving. Wei thinks it is an
infringement on individual rights. “All this is is Big Brother telling you what
to do,” she said. Advocates of the ban say it is an issue of safety. They point
to a recent accident in which five people were killed in a two-car accident.
The driver who caused the accident was a 48-year-old man who was talking on his
cell phone while trying to pass another car on a two-lane stretch of road.
Witnesses said the man swerved into the path of the other car and the two vehicles
collided head-on. Two of the five people killed were children. The state
legislature has never backed a ban on cell phone use, but other states have
instituted successful bans. Opponents of the ban, including Wei, claim the ban
will not affect safety because forcing people to pull off the road and get out
of their cars to talk on the phone could be more hazardous. In addition,
opponents say that the state cannot ban all distractions drivers create, such
as eating, reading or applying makeup while driving. Proponents of the ban want
it to take affect in January of next year. Wei was on her cell phone Wednesday
as she was driving home. She was talking to state representative Peter Mackey,
89th District, about postponing a vote on the bill banning cell phone use while
driving when her Cadillac Sedan de Ville struck the rear of a car driven by
Michael Jeffreys, 41, of 2781 Collins Ave. in East Lansing. Jeffreys suffered minor injuries and
was taken to Mercy Hospital. He was treated and released. Police said the
accident occurred at 5:37 p.m. at the intersection of 29th Street and Melrose
Avenue in East Lansing. Jeffreys was stopped at a traffic light. Wei did not see the red light
or the cars stopped in front of her and rammed the rear of Jeffreys Toyota
Camry. Police said the Camry suffered severe damage. Wei's Cadillac sustained an
estimated $8,000 in damage.
Good luck, everyone!
More Ledes: What Does My Grade Mean?
Overall, nice work on the graded ledes exercise. Plus, for the first time you're getting very
specific evaluations in numerical form. That's called a grade.
From the syllabus, here's a roundup of what the funny numbers cited in your returned work means:
4.0: Story could be published virtually as is. It shows superior command of the facts, news judgment, story organization, reporting and writing.
3.5: Could be published with very minor revisions. Generally well-written, accurate copy containing all relevant material, but requires minor editing for maximum precision and clarity.
3.0: Better-than-average story. The story was handled well. Copy needs some rewriting and polishing before it could be published.
2.5: A little above average. The story might have a significant problem with reporting, organization, completeness, ect. Certainly needs rewriting.
2.0: Average job. Not a story most readers would read unless they really needed the information. The story may have reporting, organization or writing problems.
1.5: A weak story. The story may have a buried lede, problems in news interpretation, problems in story organization, omission of some important fact or source. The story needs substantial revision.
1.0: A non-story. The story lacks news judgment, displays major flaws in reporting and writing, omits important facts. The story needs substantial rethinking. Also, a story with any fact error automatically gets this grade.
0.0: Story is late or failed to receive instructor's approval. Story is misleading or unethical. Organization of writing flaws make the story incoherent.
From the syllabus, here's a roundup of what the funny numbers cited in your returned work means:
4.0: Story could be published virtually as is. It shows superior command of the facts, news judgment, story organization, reporting and writing.
3.5: Could be published with very minor revisions. Generally well-written, accurate copy containing all relevant material, but requires minor editing for maximum precision and clarity.
3.0: Better-than-average story. The story was handled well. Copy needs some rewriting and polishing before it could be published.
2.5: A little above average. The story might have a significant problem with reporting, organization, completeness, ect. Certainly needs rewriting.
2.0: Average job. Not a story most readers would read unless they really needed the information. The story may have reporting, organization or writing problems.
1.5: A weak story. The story may have a buried lede, problems in news interpretation, problems in story organization, omission of some important fact or source. The story needs substantial revision.
1.0: A non-story. The story lacks news judgment, displays major flaws in reporting and writing, omits important facts. The story needs substantial rethinking. Also, a story with any fact error automatically gets this grade.
0.0: Story is late or failed to receive instructor's approval. Story is misleading or unethical. Organization of writing flaws make the story incoherent.
More Ledes: Ledes I Liked
Everyone did at least fine on this assignment, some by sticking to basic ledes, and others by trying alternative ledes.
Since you seem to have the former down pat, we'll look at the latter. Off we go:
Arrested? Prepare for a mug shot, fingerprints, and a $25 service charge.
It's basic and to-the-point, yet still a bit creative in terms of the question lede. It makes it sound a bit more conversational. So did this one:
In an attempt to cure East Lansing's financial troubles, committing a crime now costs offenders more than the humiliation of an arrest.
These next two one looked at the topic from a similarly-practical angle; what you may see as a result of the news:
Lions, elephants and giraffes may soon be found roaming a lot closer to home, as ecologists and biologists want to transplant African wildlife to the Great Plains of North America.
... and ...
While driving across the Great Plains of North America, how would you feel about looking out the car window and seeing giraffes, lions and elephants?
These next two went straight to context:
What could have been the happiest day of Scott Forsythe's life turned fatal after he was killed in a car accident driving 100 mph on the way to his own wedding.
... and ...
Just 15 minutes before 22-year-old Scott Forsythe was scheduled to say "I do," a decision to save a dog's life took his own.
Now, which ones do you like, and why? Which ones don't you like, and how come?
Since you seem to have the former down pat, we'll look at the latter. Off we go:
Arrested? Prepare for a mug shot, fingerprints, and a $25 service charge.
It's basic and to-the-point, yet still a bit creative in terms of the question lede. It makes it sound a bit more conversational. So did this one:
In an attempt to cure East Lansing's financial troubles, committing a crime now costs offenders more than the humiliation of an arrest.
These next two one looked at the topic from a similarly-practical angle; what you may see as a result of the news:
Lions, elephants and giraffes may soon be found roaming a lot closer to home, as ecologists and biologists want to transplant African wildlife to the Great Plains of North America.
... and ...
While driving across the Great Plains of North America, how would you feel about looking out the car window and seeing giraffes, lions and elephants?
These next two went straight to context:
What could have been the happiest day of Scott Forsythe's life turned fatal after he was killed in a car accident driving 100 mph on the way to his own wedding.
... and ...
Just 15 minutes before 22-year-old Scott Forsythe was scheduled to say "I do," a decision to save a dog's life took his own.
Now, which ones do you like, and why? Which ones don't you like, and how come?
More Ledes: Watch Your Facts
During this
semester, we will review each and every serious fact error -- known as a
"fatal" -- in hopes of learning lessons on what kinds of mistakes are
common, and what we need to watch for and avoid.
Let's start with this lede:
PROBLEM: We said the dead driver hit a dog, two trees and a fence. In fact, he swerved to avoid the dog before he hit the trees and fence.
SOLUTION: Before we start writing, take time to make sure we correctly understand how things went down. Then, after we finish, we don't simply proof for spelling errors; we go through the story and make sure what we wrote factually lines up with the actual narrative of events. Only then we hit the "send" button.
***
PROBLEM: We said college students came up with the African animal transplant idea, when in fact it was professors that came up with it.
SOLUTION: Same as above.
***
PROBLEM: We spelled the name of the store at Quick Shoppe when in fact it was Quik Shoppe, with no "c" in Quik.
SOLUTION: Same as above. We need to be precise with names. Be sure to double-check the spellings of ALL names-- whether of people or businesses or pets -- both before and after writing.
***
PROBLEM: In one lede we said, Husband-to-be Scot Forsythe was slain in his vehicle after attempting to dodge a dog a half-mile away from where he was to be married fifteen minutes later. But slain means, killed by someone else; Forsythe died accidentally on his own. Plus, Scott has two T's, not one.
SOLUTION: Make sure the words we use correctly represent the situation and do not create an unintended change in meaning. Plus, double-check spellings of names. Close isn't close enough; we have to be dead-on.
***
Is that being nit-picky? No; that's journalism. Giving people accurate information that has been carefully vetted is what we do. Early in the semester, I called journalism a "discipline of verification." This is what I meant.
Learning to write isn't journalism. Learning to organize information isn't all of journalism. Putting in a system of checking facts before, during and after writing and organizing information is what makes this kind of writing and organizing known as journalism.
Still, while this is discouraging, let's not get discouraged. The whole point of these exercises -- and getting fatals, too -- is to learn by doing, reviewing what was done, learning what could be done better, and then applying those lessons the next time.
And that's what we're going to do here, by redoubling our efforts to carefully fact-check everything we write.
Earlier this semester in a pair of blog posts, I posted an accuracy checklist and a list of ways to avoid inaccuracies. I would strongly suggest that you revisit those two blog posts, and begin incorporating its suggestions in your writing routines. You can link to the exact post right here.
I've said it before, and I'll say it a bazillion more times before the semester ends: journalism isn't about writing; it's about getting it right.
Let's start with this lede:
PROBLEM: We said the dead driver hit a dog, two trees and a fence. In fact, he swerved to avoid the dog before he hit the trees and fence.
SOLUTION: Before we start writing, take time to make sure we correctly understand how things went down. Then, after we finish, we don't simply proof for spelling errors; we go through the story and make sure what we wrote factually lines up with the actual narrative of events. Only then we hit the "send" button.
***
PROBLEM: We said college students came up with the African animal transplant idea, when in fact it was professors that came up with it.
SOLUTION: Same as above.
***
PROBLEM: We spelled the name of the store at Quick Shoppe when in fact it was Quik Shoppe, with no "c" in Quik.
SOLUTION: Same as above. We need to be precise with names. Be sure to double-check the spellings of ALL names-- whether of people or businesses or pets -- both before and after writing.
***
PROBLEM: In one lede we said, Husband-to-be Scot Forsythe was slain in his vehicle after attempting to dodge a dog a half-mile away from where he was to be married fifteen minutes later. But slain means, killed by someone else; Forsythe died accidentally on his own. Plus, Scott has two T's, not one.
SOLUTION: Make sure the words we use correctly represent the situation and do not create an unintended change in meaning. Plus, double-check spellings of names. Close isn't close enough; we have to be dead-on.
***
Is that being nit-picky? No; that's journalism. Giving people accurate information that has been carefully vetted is what we do. Early in the semester, I called journalism a "discipline of verification." This is what I meant.
Learning to write isn't journalism. Learning to organize information isn't all of journalism. Putting in a system of checking facts before, during and after writing and organizing information is what makes this kind of writing and organizing known as journalism.
Still, while this is discouraging, let's not get discouraged. The whole point of these exercises -- and getting fatals, too -- is to learn by doing, reviewing what was done, learning what could be done better, and then applying those lessons the next time.
And that's what we're going to do here, by redoubling our efforts to carefully fact-check everything we write.
Earlier this semester in a pair of blog posts, I posted an accuracy checklist and a list of ways to avoid inaccuracies. I would strongly suggest that you revisit those two blog posts, and begin incorporating its suggestions in your writing routines. You can link to the exact post right here.
I've said it before, and I'll say it a bazillion more times before the semester ends: journalism isn't about writing; it's about getting it right.
More Ledes: Meeting Deadlines
One of us did a really solid job on this assignment. Crisp ledes,
filled with the most important details, presented in a way to emphasize
meaning and context.
Problem was, the time stamp on the email said it was received at 9:10 a.m. The deadline was 9 a.m. It was 10 minutes late. Just 10 minutes, right?
Wrong. When it comes to deadlines, there's no such thing as, just anything. That's an automatic 0.0.
Is there a journalistic value reason for that? You bet. An editor can work with a piece o' crap story, no matter how bad it is. They can fix it and clean it up sufficiently as long as they have it. But they can't work with nothing. Nor can you fill up a newspaper page or a TV script with nothing.
Think about it: have you ever watched the 11 o'clock news, when they've started the show by saying, "Our scripts aren't ready yet; come back in 10 minutes"? Me neither. That's because it simply isn't allowed to happen. And those who may be tardy with the occasional deadline are soon asked to find something else to do for a living.
It's a lesson I'd rather have you appreciate the severity of in this class, than on your first internship or job. Here, it's a shitty grade on one assignment. Out there, it's a derailment of your professional career.
It's your responsibility to make sure you don't forget an assignment, as it is in the real world. It's your responsibility that you're not even one second late on your deadline, as it is in the real world. And as in the real world, it's your responsibility to make sure your assignment is routed to the right place, which in this case is omars@msu.edu.
Them's the breaks, folks. It sucks, but let's at least learn from these errors so we don't repeat 'em.
Problem was, the time stamp on the email said it was received at 9:10 a.m. The deadline was 9 a.m. It was 10 minutes late. Just 10 minutes, right?
Wrong. When it comes to deadlines, there's no such thing as, just anything. That's an automatic 0.0.
Is there a journalistic value reason for that? You bet. An editor can work with a piece o' crap story, no matter how bad it is. They can fix it and clean it up sufficiently as long as they have it. But they can't work with nothing. Nor can you fill up a newspaper page or a TV script with nothing.
Think about it: have you ever watched the 11 o'clock news, when they've started the show by saying, "Our scripts aren't ready yet; come back in 10 minutes"? Me neither. That's because it simply isn't allowed to happen. And those who may be tardy with the occasional deadline are soon asked to find something else to do for a living.
It's a lesson I'd rather have you appreciate the severity of in this class, than on your first internship or job. Here, it's a shitty grade on one assignment. Out there, it's a derailment of your professional career.
It's your responsibility to make sure you don't forget an assignment, as it is in the real world. It's your responsibility that you're not even one second late on your deadline, as it is in the real world. And as in the real world, it's your responsibility to make sure your assignment is routed to the right place, which in this case is omars@msu.edu.
Them's the breaks, folks. It sucks, but let's at least learn from these errors so we don't repeat 'em.
More Ledes: Nut Grafs With Alternate Ledes
In this exercise, you were asked to do just a lede, with no
subsequent paragraph. But some of you did ledes that in essence acted as
a combination alternate lede/subsequent nut graf, combined into a
single graf. (FYI, a nut graf is a paragraph that follows the lde, in which we add secondary details of importance and answer questions created by the lede. We'll get into nut grafs in greater detail in the very near future.)
What I did was split some of these ledes as follows, so you can see a concept we talked about earlier: that when you do a unique and contextual alternate lede, it is usually followed by a nut graf that sounds more like a traditional lede, fills in the specific blanks left by your general contextual lede, and offers a strong transition to the body of the story.
Let's look at a few examples:
Freedom might not be free, but neither is detainment.
Police chief Barry Kopperrud is proposing cost cuts for the city, starting with a $25 service fee for incoming criminals.
The lede nicely sets context, then the nut graf explains the details behind the context.
Next:
It looks like someone's been thinking on the wild side!
A group of scientists are interested in a project that would transplant African wildlife to the Great Plains of North America.
The lede has fun with an odd concept, that of bringing Africa to America. So you reveled in the fun in the lede, then explained what was so unique in the nut graf.
Then, there's this:
Typically, 'til death do us part doesn't apply until after the wedding.
Scott Forsythe, 22, died in a high-speed accident around 8:45 this morning on Kirkmann Road after veering to avoid a dog. Forsythe was less than a mile away from the church where he was to be married today.
Certainly, the lede is creative, contextual and accurate. But let me ask you guys this: is it a bit too flippant and casual in noting the irony? Let's discuss.
Now, this is how you use a nut graf with an alternate lede. But it's a bit different with standard ledes. We'll get into that difference soon.
What I did was split some of these ledes as follows, so you can see a concept we talked about earlier: that when you do a unique and contextual alternate lede, it is usually followed by a nut graf that sounds more like a traditional lede, fills in the specific blanks left by your general contextual lede, and offers a strong transition to the body of the story.
Let's look at a few examples:
Freedom might not be free, but neither is detainment.
Police chief Barry Kopperrud is proposing cost cuts for the city, starting with a $25 service fee for incoming criminals.
The lede nicely sets context, then the nut graf explains the details behind the context.
Next:
It looks like someone's been thinking on the wild side!
A group of scientists are interested in a project that would transplant African wildlife to the Great Plains of North America.
The lede has fun with an odd concept, that of bringing Africa to America. So you reveled in the fun in the lede, then explained what was so unique in the nut graf.
Then, there's this:
Typically, 'til death do us part doesn't apply until after the wedding.
Scott Forsythe, 22, died in a high-speed accident around 8:45 this morning on Kirkmann Road after veering to avoid a dog. Forsythe was less than a mile away from the church where he was to be married today.
Certainly, the lede is creative, contextual and accurate. But let me ask you guys this: is it a bit too flippant and casual in noting the irony? Let's discuss.
Now, this is how you use a nut graf with an alternate lede. But it's a bit different with standard ledes. We'll get into that difference soon.
More Ledes: The Peanut Barrel Rule
There's nothing wrong with this lede. But it's still missing something. Here it is:
A 22-year-old man was killed in a car accident earlier this morning after veering to avoid a dog in the road, according to police.
Technically, it's correct. But let's consider something I call the Peanut Barrel Rule.
Here it is: Let's say you work at The State News, and one night you wrote this story for The State News and then headed down to the Peanut Barrel to meet friends who DON'T work at The State News and who don't particularly give a shit about journalism for a legal drink or two afterward.
So, you're there with your non-journo pals and then they asked you what you wrote about today. What would you say? More importantly, what would be first to come out of your mouth?
"Uh, well I wrote something abut a dude who got killed when he swerved his car to miss a doggie in the road."
I don't think so. What I think you'd say would be something like this:
"Dude, this was so effed up I don't believe it! Some guy was driving his car all crazy fast so he could make it to his wedding, but he CRASHED and DIED! On his WEDDING DAY! Soo effed up."
I really do think you'd certainly include the wedding angle. That's what made this crash unique and especially poignant and tragic.
If it's a fact or angle that would pass the Peanut Barrel test, then it's a good fact or angle for a lede. If your proposed lede doesn't pass Peanut Barrel muster, then try again until it does.
Obviously, you need to clean it up a bit for print. But the basics would remain the same: A 22-year-old man speeding at 100 mph crashed his car and died, just 10 minutes before his wedding was to begin.
Again, I can't say your lede was incorrect. Clearly, it passes factual muster. But is it really complete? No. It misses context, like calling 9/11 just a plane crash.
A 22-year-old man was killed in a car accident earlier this morning after veering to avoid a dog in the road, according to police.
Technically, it's correct. But let's consider something I call the Peanut Barrel Rule.
Here it is: Let's say you work at The State News, and one night you wrote this story for The State News and then headed down to the Peanut Barrel to meet friends who DON'T work at The State News and who don't particularly give a shit about journalism for a legal drink or two afterward.
So, you're there with your non-journo pals and then they asked you what you wrote about today. What would you say? More importantly, what would be first to come out of your mouth?
"Uh, well I wrote something abut a dude who got killed when he swerved his car to miss a doggie in the road."
I don't think so. What I think you'd say would be something like this:
"Dude, this was so effed up I don't believe it! Some guy was driving his car all crazy fast so he could make it to his wedding, but he CRASHED and DIED! On his WEDDING DAY! Soo effed up."
I really do think you'd certainly include the wedding angle. That's what made this crash unique and especially poignant and tragic.
If it's a fact or angle that would pass the Peanut Barrel test, then it's a good fact or angle for a lede. If your proposed lede doesn't pass Peanut Barrel muster, then try again until it does.
Obviously, you need to clean it up a bit for print. But the basics would remain the same: A 22-year-old man speeding at 100 mph crashed his car and died, just 10 minutes before his wedding was to begin.
Again, I can't say your lede was incorrect. Clearly, it passes factual muster. But is it really complete? No. It misses context, like calling 9/11 just a plane crash.
More Ledes: The 5 W's
You
may have heard of the 5 W's -- who, what, when, where, why and a non-w:
how -- that are central to good journalism. It's important that we
identify the most critical of those W's, and include them in our ledes.
Let's look at one lede:
Scott Forsythe, 22, was killed while on his way to his wedding. Forsythe lost control of his car trying to avoid a dog that walked in the middle of the street.
Now, let's identify the W's
Who = Scott Forsythe, 22
What = he died while on his way to the wedding
Why = lost control of his car trying to avoid a dog
Where = the middle of the street, but we don't say which one
When = ????
How = see what, why
So, we're missing two of the W's (one is totally off the radar, and the other is unclear). When was critical, at least in its most basic form, such as saying, today. (You could include a specific time later in the story). News is something new, so the date would indicate the newness.
Where is also pretty important. Something that happens near where I live and work is probably a bigger deal than something faraway. So an approximate placement (e.g., along Kirkmann Road) would help, as opposed to just saying the middle of the street, which can be anywhere.
Let's add those in the lede (and merge the sentences into one):
Scott Forsythe, 22, was killed while on his way to his wedding today after he lost control of his car trying to avoid a dog that walked in the middle of Kirkmann Road.
Now, our bases are covered. And still under 32 words, and one sentence!
Let's look at one lede:
Scott Forsythe, 22, was killed while on his way to his wedding. Forsythe lost control of his car trying to avoid a dog that walked in the middle of the street.
Now, let's identify the W's
Who = Scott Forsythe, 22
What = he died while on his way to the wedding
Why = lost control of his car trying to avoid a dog
Where = the middle of the street, but we don't say which one
When = ????
How = see what, why
So, we're missing two of the W's (one is totally off the radar, and the other is unclear). When was critical, at least in its most basic form, such as saying, today. (You could include a specific time later in the story). News is something new, so the date would indicate the newness.
Where is also pretty important. Something that happens near where I live and work is probably a bigger deal than something faraway. So an approximate placement (e.g., along Kirkmann Road) would help, as opposed to just saying the middle of the street, which can be anywhere.
Let's add those in the lede (and merge the sentences into one):
Scott Forsythe, 22, was killed while on his way to his wedding today after he lost control of his car trying to avoid a dog that walked in the middle of Kirkmann Road.
Now, our bases are covered. And still under 32 words, and one sentence!
More Ledes: A Question
One of youze wrote to me with this question:
I did my ledes a couple days ago, but was wondering if some of the alternative ledes could be a little longer, like in the textbook. Obviously it's too late to change these ones, but if you could let me know for the next set I would greatly appreciate it. Talk to you soon.
Here was my answer:
For now, I'd like to keep the ledes to 32 words, so we can work on being concise and making decisions on what's most critical to the lede. Later on, we'll loosen up on that as you demonstrate that you have the fundamentals down pat.
-- Omar
There ya go. Let's keep it at 32 words or less for now, folks.
I did my ledes a couple days ago, but was wondering if some of the alternative ledes could be a little longer, like in the textbook. Obviously it's too late to change these ones, but if you could let me know for the next set I would greatly appreciate it. Talk to you soon.
Here was my answer:
For now, I'd like to keep the ledes to 32 words, so we can work on being concise and making decisions on what's most critical to the lede. Later on, we'll loosen up on that as you demonstrate that you have the fundamentals down pat.
-- Omar
There ya go. Let's keep it at 32 words or less for now, folks.
More Ledes: Don't Assume!
Like in this lede:
There are many fears that go through a bride's mind before their wedding. For Sara Howard, she never thought to worry about her husband's drive to the church.
Now, it's structurally fine. But the question I have is, how do you know she never thought to worry about her husband's drive to the church?
In the information you were given, you have no indication whether she wasn't worried, or that her fiancee was a shitty driver who had her constantly terrified with his lead foot.
Here, we went beyond the information you had, and made an assumption. We were being creative based on our guessing, not the facts. And we can't do that.
Now, as a journalist you would have been correct to find out if she ever though she'd have to worry about her fiancee's driving. And if she answered yes, then this lede would be perfect.
But we need to confirm the facts first.
There are many fears that go through a bride's mind before their wedding. For Sara Howard, she never thought to worry about her husband's drive to the church.
Now, it's structurally fine. But the question I have is, how do you know she never thought to worry about her husband's drive to the church?
In the information you were given, you have no indication whether she wasn't worried, or that her fiancee was a shitty driver who had her constantly terrified with his lead foot.
Here, we went beyond the information you had, and made an assumption. We were being creative based on our guessing, not the facts. And we can't do that.
Now, as a journalist you would have been correct to find out if she ever though she'd have to worry about her fiancee's driving. And if she answered yes, then this lede would be perfect.
But we need to confirm the facts first.
More Ledes: Be Specific!
Here's the lede:
A convenience store robbery Wednesday afternoon sent city police on a massive
hunt for the armed robber in a stolen vehicle — and the 6-month-old still in the backseat.
Here's the problem: in the back seat was a 6-month-old what?
A dog? A sandwich? A gallon of milk?
It's a girl. We know that. But your readers don't, at least not yet.
When
a reader approaches a lede, we need to remember that they know
absolutely nothing about the story they are about to be told. That's why
people come to news organizations; to find out what they don't know.
So,
we can't assume that the reader knows anything. We have to be on-point
and clear. We can't just say a 6-month-old; we need to say it was a
6-month-old girl.
More Ledes: Say What You Mean!
What is wrong with this lede?
To save the life of a dog, 22-year-old Scott Forsythe lost his life in a car crash just 15 minutes before his wedding this morning.
If you read this lede literally, it's this: you're saying this man died 15 minutes before his wedding. You're suggesting his wedding took place (all "Weekend at Bernie's"-style, perhaps).
But that's not what you meant. What you meant was, he died 15 minutes before his wedding was to take place this morning.
If that's what you meant, then that's what you should have written.
Make sure you say what you mean, and mean what you say. Don't leave room for any misinterpretations. Be precise.
To save the life of a dog, 22-year-old Scott Forsythe lost his life in a car crash just 15 minutes before his wedding this morning.
If you read this lede literally, it's this: you're saying this man died 15 minutes before his wedding. You're suggesting his wedding took place (all "Weekend at Bernie's"-style, perhaps).
But that's not what you meant. What you meant was, he died 15 minutes before his wedding was to take place this morning.
If that's what you meant, then that's what you should have written.
Make sure you say what you mean, and mean what you say. Don't leave room for any misinterpretations. Be precise.
More Ledes: Look For Inclusive Words
Many of you in the animals lede referred to "ecologists and biologists." A couple of you simply referred to "scientists."
And why not? Ecologists and biologists are scientists. It's simpler and doesn't result in any lost meaning to your readers.
If you have the opportunity to group specifics under a single umbrella term, consider that course of action.
And why not? Ecologists and biologists are scientists. It's simpler and doesn't result in any lost meaning to your readers.
If you have the opportunity to group specifics under a single umbrella term, consider that course of action.
More Ledes: Grammatical Articles
A reminder: don't forget to use grammatical articles in sentences, like a, and, and the.
Make sure your sentences are complete sentences. If you're not sure,
read your sentences out loud. If you sound like a robot -- police kill man in house -- then you probably need to add some articles like this -- police killed a man in a house.
More Ledes: Did You Need The Name?
In your ledes, some of you referred to the car accident victim
specifically -- Scott Forsythe -- while others referred to him in the
generic -- 22-year-old local man, or something to that effect.
While
neither is wrong, I'd say the latter is the best approach. You have no
reason to believe Forsythe is someone that would be known by name to
your readers. In such cases, the generic identifier would suffice in a
first reference, and you can offer the specific name as a secondary
detail later in the story.
(Remember, in a real situation you would have the rest of the story to fill in specific details and secondary information!)
(Remember, in a real situation you would have the rest of the story to fill in specific details and secondary information!)
Now,
if the victim was Oprah Winfrey, the name would be a good bet for the
lede, precisely because she is someone many people would instantly
recognize by name.
More Ledes: Writing With (AP) Style
In this assignment you weren't asked to write conforming to AP style.
And on this one I won't grade you on that basis. Still, we're going to
use this opportunity to start picking up some of the more common AP
style points.
Like with how to refer to money. Is it $25 with the dollar symbol ahead of the amount or 25 dollars, with dollars spelled out?
It's the former. This is what I pulled from the AP Stylebook, under dollars: "Use figures and the $ sign in all except casual references or amounts without a figure."Number usage has its own specific style under AP rules. Here's the most basic AP guideline, in your style book under numerals: In general "Spell out whole numbers below 10, use figures for 10 and above."
So two should be two, not 2. And 10 should be 10, not ten.
So then, is this correct to start a sentence, under AP Style rules, by spelling out a number like this?
Twenty-two . . .
Actually, that IS correct number use. This is under the numerals heading:
Spell out a numeral at the beginning of a sentence.
Also, Is it 6 month-old with a hyphen between month and old or 6-month-old with hyphens between everything or 6 month old with no hyphens at all? AP Style under ages: Use hyphens for ages expressed as adjectives before a noun or as substitutes for a noun.
So it's 6-month-old, with hyphens between the 6 and month, and between month and old.
Also, please note it is NOT six-month-old girl with six spelled out,; rather, the six is in numeric form, like this: 6-month-old girl.
It's another exception to the general AP number rule. In AP Style under ages:
Always use figures.
Moving on, let's talk about names. On first reference, you use a first and last name: Megan Perakiss. But what do you do on a second and subsequent references?
Here is AP Style, under names:
In general, use only last names on second reference.
But what if there is more than one person with the same last name? AP Style has that covered, too. Also under names:
When it is necessary to distinguish between two people who use the same last name, as in married couples or brothers and sisters, use the first and last name.
So in the case of any member of the Perakiss family -- who has the same last name -- it would be first and last names in all references, if more than one Perakiss is referred to in the story. If there's only one Perakiss in the story, it would simply be Perakiss in all references after the first.
Either way, try not to use just a first name on any reference.
FYI, this may be a good time to start an AP Style cheat sheet, where you write down and keep track of some of the more common AP Style rules cited in blog posts. There's also another way to have a quick-look AP Style cheat sheet: simply click on "ap style" under "labels" at the bottom of this blog, and EVERY AP STYLE POST WE'VE DONE SOFAR will appear!
Like with how to refer to money. Is it $25 with the dollar symbol ahead of the amount or 25 dollars, with dollars spelled out?
It's the former. This is what I pulled from the AP Stylebook, under dollars: "Use figures and the $ sign in all except casual references or amounts without a figure."Number usage has its own specific style under AP rules. Here's the most basic AP guideline, in your style book under numerals: In general "Spell out whole numbers below 10, use figures for 10 and above."
So two should be two, not 2. And 10 should be 10, not ten.
So then, is this correct to start a sentence, under AP Style rules, by spelling out a number like this?
Twenty-two . . .
Actually, that IS correct number use. This is under the numerals heading:
Spell out a numeral at the beginning of a sentence.
Also, Is it 6 month-old with a hyphen between month and old or 6-month-old with hyphens between everything or 6 month old with no hyphens at all? AP Style under ages: Use hyphens for ages expressed as adjectives before a noun or as substitutes for a noun.
So it's 6-month-old, with hyphens between the 6 and month, and between month and old.
Also, please note it is NOT six-month-old girl with six spelled out,; rather, the six is in numeric form, like this: 6-month-old girl.
It's another exception to the general AP number rule. In AP Style under ages:
Always use figures.
Moving on, let's talk about names. On first reference, you use a first and last name: Megan Perakiss. But what do you do on a second and subsequent references?
Here is AP Style, under names:
In general, use only last names on second reference.
But what if there is more than one person with the same last name? AP Style has that covered, too. Also under names:
When it is necessary to distinguish between two people who use the same last name, as in married couples or brothers and sisters, use the first and last name.
So in the case of any member of the Perakiss family -- who has the same last name -- it would be first and last names in all references, if more than one Perakiss is referred to in the story. If there's only one Perakiss in the story, it would simply be Perakiss in all references after the first.
Either way, try not to use just a first name on any reference.
FYI, this may be a good time to start an AP Style cheat sheet, where you write down and keep track of some of the more common AP Style rules cited in blog posts. There's also another way to have a quick-look AP Style cheat sheet: simply click on "ap style" under "labels" at the bottom of this blog, and EVERY AP STYLE POST WE'VE DONE SOFAR will appear!
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
JRN 200: Your Wednesday 5/28 Homework
We need to start getting into AP Style, so please review chapters A through G of your AP Stylebook. Skim through the book and rather than memorize each point, get familiar with the types of word use AP Style dictates, and then make a habit of checking the stylebook for the types of usage it dictates.
Also, please keep working on your latest homework -- the MORE LEDES exercise assigned yesterday -- which is due no later than 9 a.m. Thursday by email to omars@msu.edu.
And that's it for today. Good luck to all.
Also, please keep working on your latest homework -- the MORE LEDES exercise assigned yesterday -- which is due no later than 9 a.m. Thursday by email to omars@msu.edu.
And that's it for today. Good luck to all.
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
JRN 200: Your Tuesday 5/27 Homework
More ledes for you all! It's the same kind of exercise; you're being given four sets of information; write four ledes (one for each). In this exercise, you may do either a basic summary lede OR some sort of alternative lede, along the lines of what we've read and blogged about earlier.
If you have the book, the lede exercises are #1 and #2 on p. 218 and #1 and #2 on p. 234. If you do NOT have the book yet, below I have cut-and-pasted the same items from the ninth edition. Just use those as your information sets.
In these ledes exercises, "your city" is defined as East Lansing. "Today" will be defined as the deadline day, which will be Thursday. "Your university" will be defined as Michigan State University.
The slug for this exercise will be MORE LEDES. Your deadline will be 9 a.m. Thursday, in a Word document via email to omars@msu.edu.
A reminder: formatting in the top left-hand corner of your paper should be:
Your name
May 30, 2013
P. 218, 1-2 and p. 234, 1-2
More Ledes
The MORE LEDES slug should also be the title of your Word document and the email which you'll send to me. Please be sure to start working on this assignment ONLY after you've reviewed your graded previous assignment (which I have emailed back to you by now) and the blog post review of the previous assignment.
Again, deadline will be 9 a.m. Thursday. Here's the info from which to write your ledes:
EMPHASIZING THE
UNUSUAL
Write only a lead
for each of the following stories. As you write the leads, emphasize stories’ unusual
details. Correct stories’ spelling, style and vocabulary errors. Also, none of
the possessives have been formed for you.
1. Scott Forsythe is 22 years old. He was killed in a car accident
today. Police in East Lansing say the accident occurred at about 8:45 AM this
morning on Kirkmann Rd. Forsythe was driving a ford mustang. Police estimate
the vehicle was traveling at least 100 m.p.h. and witnesses told police it was
passing slower traffic when a large dog walked into his path. As Forsythe
veered to avoid the dog he lost control of his car and hit two trees and a
fence before coming to a complete stop, police said. The accident occurred
about a half mile from the church where he was to be married to Sara Howard of
812 Bell Av. at 9:00 a.m. today He was alone in the vehicle. No one else was
hurt.
2. Your city needs more money. Its in a financial crisis and trying
to trim its expenses. So today East Lansing officials announced that every time someone
is arrested and the police take mug shots and fingerprints, the jail will
charge them $25 for the service. Police chief Barry Kopperrud said he wants to
make criminals pay a price for their actions. “They have to learn there’s a
cost for their behavior,” Kopperrud said today. “Decent citizens shouldn’t have
to pay for this. Let the crooks and other bad guys pay the full cost what it
costs to arrest and incarcerate them.” The fee will go into effect immediately
but will be refunded to people who are arrested and later acquitted.
WRITING ALTERNATIVE LEADS
Using techniques you studied in this chapter, write an
alternative lead for each of the following stories. You may want to use
complete or partial quotations, questions, descriptions, buried leads,
multiparagraph leads, suspense or chronological order. Or, you may want to try
a shocking lead, ironic lead, direct-address lead or a word used in an unusual
way. Correct any errors you find.
1. A
group of ecologists and biologists at Michigan State University and other schools have
come up with a unique idea. They want to transplant African wildlife to the
Great Plains of North America. Julie Allen, 1504 Lincoln Drive, is an associate
professor of biology at your university. She had this to say about the idea, “I
think it would be wonderful to drive across the Great Plains and see lions and
elephants and giraffes roaming the prairie.” The idea was developed by more
than 30 scientists as a way to perpetuate species that are slowly facing
extinction because of declining habitat in Africa. The scientists say there is
plenty of room left in the American West for these types of animals. Relocating
the animals could help them increase their numbers. The plan is being
criticized by ranchers, developers and other scientists, who say that it would
be difficult to introduce animals to a place they had never lived. Ranchers,
such as Jim Smithson, who lives in North Dakota and is vice president of the
Western Stockman’s Association, claims such a move would devastate the regions
cattle industry. “How many steers or dairy cows can a pride of lions eat in a
week?” Smithson said. Supporters of the idea say the animals they want to
relocate would be held in large game parks or private reserves. They would not
be allowed to roam free. Other critics say the transplanting of alien creatures
could have devastating effects on native creatures. The animals being brought
to places they have never lived could introduce new diseases or could destroy
native wildlife. In addition, taking wildlife from Africa could hurt the
tourist trade on that continent.
2. It
was an intense situation for police Wednesday afternoon. It was an adventure
for the six-month-old daughter of Michael and Ethel Perakiss of 876 Collins
Street. Everything ended OK, police said. Megan Perakiss, the daughter of
Michael and Ethel, was in the back seat of a 2006 Ford Explorer sport utility
vehicle when it was carjacked by a man who had just held up the convenience
store where Ethel had stopped to get gas. The robbery of the Quik Shoppe
convenience store at 2752 Michigan Avenue occurred shortly after 2 p.m.,
according to Police Chief Barry Kopperud. Kopperud said the suspect walked into
the store and waved a handgun in the face of Edwin C. Jimenez, manager of the
store. He ordered Jimenez to empty the cash register into a cloth bag he threw
on the counter and threatened to shoot him if he did not. The thief made off
with an undetermined amount of money. Megan was unaware of what was going on.
Police said Ethel pulled into the convenience store to get fuel and had just
finished pumping the gas when the robber ran from the store and pushed her away
from the vehicle. Reports of the carjacking sparked a massive, multi-agency
search for Megan that at one point included nearly two dozen units from the
city’s police force. Ethel Perakiss left her keys in the ignition while she was
filling the fuel tank. Police described the armed robbery and carjacking
suspect as a 6 foot 1 inch tall white male in his early to mid-20s wearing a
white T-shirt and long black pants. He had short, neatly cropped hair. “My
baby’s in the back seat,” Perakiss shouted as the carjacker drove away. About
40 minutes after the ordeal began, Kopperuud said, police officers spotted the
missing vehicle abandoned in the parking lot of a Chinese restaurant with Megan
inside. The carjacker apparently had fled, leaving the vehicle unlocked and
running with the air conditioner on. Police said they were shocked but pleased
that the incident ended so quickly and without harm to the child.
First Ledes: Your Grades
For our first graded assignment, I'm giving you all a break, as we ease into the graded portion of the semester.
First, as long as you had no fatals (that is, fact errors) and your work met the deadline, you received a 4.0 on this assignment. Each portion that included a fatal dropped that grade by 1.0. Missing the deadline earned a 0.0. I did not grade adherence to AP Style (because we haven't started learning that yet), but I did note it.
I am emailing you back your work, with a grade and instructor comments attached at the end. (some of the comments may be inserted in your work, in bold face and all caps.) Many more comments will be on the following blog posts, where I'm taking examples of our work (with names stripped from the work) and pointing out what worked well (and why), and what could be better (and how).
That's the method we're going to use in doing most of our learning in this class: we will work an assignment, and then we will deconstruct the assignment via blog and pick out and share whatever lessons we can learn from it.
Now, please keep in mind the way we're grading this assignment is a one-time deal. From here on out, you'll be graded more precisely on whether you're correctly executing the concepts we're reading and blogging about.
Having said that, most people were very proficient in this assignment. Even without the mercy grades, I think most people would have scored very well on this assignment. Kudos to you folks.
First, as long as you had no fatals (that is, fact errors) and your work met the deadline, you received a 4.0 on this assignment. Each portion that included a fatal dropped that grade by 1.0. Missing the deadline earned a 0.0. I did not grade adherence to AP Style (because we haven't started learning that yet), but I did note it.
I am emailing you back your work, with a grade and instructor comments attached at the end. (some of the comments may be inserted in your work, in bold face and all caps.) Many more comments will be on the following blog posts, where I'm taking examples of our work (with names stripped from the work) and pointing out what worked well (and why), and what could be better (and how).
That's the method we're going to use in doing most of our learning in this class: we will work an assignment, and then we will deconstruct the assignment via blog and pick out and share whatever lessons we can learn from it.
Now, please keep in mind the way we're grading this assignment is a one-time deal. From here on out, you'll be graded more precisely on whether you're correctly executing the concepts we're reading and blogging about.
Having said that, most people were very proficient in this assignment. Even without the mercy grades, I think most people would have scored very well on this assignment. Kudos to you folks.
First Ledes: Some Strong Examples
With
basic summary ledes, we want to be able to get to the central point,
end result and ultimate outcome of the story right away, without the
need to read anything else to know exactly how things ended up, and/or
what made a story most relevant, interesting and useful.
I think the following ledes meet that standard. Take a look, and compare them to your ledes:
A recent study from the Centers for Disease Control
revealed 43 percent of American marriages result in a divorce within the first
15 years of marriage.
... and ...
East Lansing public school officials announced a new
program that will offer housing mortgages with below-market interest rates for teachers
and administrators to combat low salary wages.
... and ...
With new one-story stations coming in the future, the
Kalamazoo Fire Department will no longer continue its 100-year-plus tradition
of sliding down a pole to reach the fire engines.
... and ...
Please notice how they are written in a simple, easy-to-understand style; how they get to the point in a succinct manner; and how they cite the most telling statistics and/or facts.
I'm happy to say that in this exercise, many of our ledes were similar to these. Really good job the first time around, folks.
First Ledes: Use The Right Words!
Let's look at this lede:
The
Centers of Disease Control concluded from a study that
the length of an average American wedding is
dependent on factors other than just people growing apart after time.
We have a problems here: we listed the name of the organization as the Center of Disease Control. That is not the name; according to what we were given, it is the Centers (not Center) for (not of) Disease Control.
In journalism, we must get names precisely correct. No wiggle room. As noted in the syllabus:
Fact errors: Inaccurate information,
misspelling a proper name, a misquotation or an error that changes the meaning
of a story automatically drops a grade to a maximum of 1.0 (e.g., President
“Barack Obamma” or “Department of Transport”).
So,
this is the first "fatal" of the semester (and THREE of us fataled in this way on this exercise!). I'm not pointing this out to
be a jerk; rather, it's to remind each and every one of us that journalism isn't about writing; it's about getting it right.
That means we need to use names and facts precisely. That means we have
to be sure to double-check our work to ensure that we used the right
terms and facts, the right way.
In
this assignment, each component was its own grade. So, instead of
dropping the overall grade to a 1.0, it dropped it to a 3.0, with three
components getting full credit.
It wasn't our only fatal. In another exercise, we reported the TB outbreak was at Detroit High School; in fact, it was Kennedy High School in Detroit. Saying a Detroit high school (generically, with "a" in front) would also have been correct.
It wasn't our only fatal. In another exercise, we reported the TB outbreak was at Detroit High School; in fact, it was Kennedy High School in Detroit. Saying a Detroit high school (generically, with "a" in front) would also have been correct.
In an earlier blog post, we talked about using precise language, and using language correctly. This is an example of why; so we can convey the correct meaning, exactly as we intended and without risk of confusion.
A bigger problem we had was that FIVE of us didn't do this assignment. The fastest way to struggle in this class is to miss assignments, since the final grade is based on a compilation of scores. And a low score is better than no score at all.
First Ledes: The News Is What Happened
I'm afraid this lede falls short in that regard:
On Friday, researchers from the Centers for Disease Control released their results on American marriage based on a study of 50,000 women, providing possible explanation for the high divorce rate in the U.S.
The lede says what took place -- a study -- but it fails to say what the study found. The news isn't that results were released; it's what the results were. The news isn't that the results provide a possible explanation; it's what the explanation is.
With this lede, the reader has no idea what makes this newsworthy. In many ways, this lede is like a football game lede that says ...
On Friday, the MSU football ream played Notre Dame.
... which, obviously, we'd never do. The news is who won the game, by how much, ect. A better lede would incorporate those elements, like this:
On Friday, MSU's football team beat Notre Dame, 152-0.
So, we need to do the same thing with our research lede: incorporate the end results. So, instead of saying they released their results on American marriage based on a study of 50,000 women, let's say what some key results of that study were, like, people who are younger, less religious and live together before marriage are at greater risk for divorce.
Let's swap out those phrases, and we have a lede like this:
On Friday, researchers from the Centers for Disease Control said people who are younger, less religious and live together before marriage are at greater risk for divorce, providing possible explanation for the high divorce rate in the U.S.
Now, we have a solid idea of exactly what the study found; not just that there was a study that found something.
Let's make sure our ledes get to that end result and ultimate outcome, just like a sports story would.
On Friday, researchers from the Centers for Disease Control released their results on American marriage based on a study of 50,000 women, providing possible explanation for the high divorce rate in the U.S.
The lede says what took place -- a study -- but it fails to say what the study found. The news isn't that results were released; it's what the results were. The news isn't that the results provide a possible explanation; it's what the explanation is.
With this lede, the reader has no idea what makes this newsworthy. In many ways, this lede is like a football game lede that says ...
On Friday, the MSU football ream played Notre Dame.
... which, obviously, we'd never do. The news is who won the game, by how much, ect. A better lede would incorporate those elements, like this:
On Friday, MSU's football team beat Notre Dame, 152-0.
So, we need to do the same thing with our research lede: incorporate the end results. So, instead of saying they released their results on American marriage based on a study of 50,000 women, let's say what some key results of that study were, like, people who are younger, less religious and live together before marriage are at greater risk for divorce.
Let's swap out those phrases, and we have a lede like this:
On Friday, researchers from the Centers for Disease Control said people who are younger, less religious and live together before marriage are at greater risk for divorce, providing possible explanation for the high divorce rate in the U.S.
Now, we have a solid idea of exactly what the study found; not just that there was a study that found something.
Let's make sure our ledes get to that end result and ultimate outcome, just like a sports story would.
First Ledes: Get To The News!
The news isn't that something took place; it's what ended up
happening. It's about ultimate outcome. This lede takes some time to get
to the latter:
The Centers for Disease Control conducted elaborate
studies on American marriages, with staggering truths about divorce rates
revealed. The CDC concludes women’s wealth,
religion, and education play drastic roles in the break-up rate.
What
holds us up here is the mention of staggering truths. It tells us that
there are truths, but it doesn't say what those truths are. It's kind of
a waste of time and space. In English composition we prize wordiness,
but in journalistic writing we strive for the exact opposite. We went to
be precise and efficient in word use.
What I recommend is getting straight to the point by cutting out that middle section of, conducted elaborate studies on American marriages, with staggering truths about divorce rates revealed. The CDC ... that hints at -- but fails to specify -- the findings.
Then I'd merge what was left, leaving us with this:
The Centers for Disease Control concludes women’s wealth,
religion, and education play drastic roles in the marriage break-up rate.
Now, we're emphasizing the end result and ultimate outcome, without the clutter that doesn't really say much.
First Ledes: Two Sentences Are NOT Better Than One
In writing for journalism, we need to look for spots where we can reduce wordiness and be efficient in word use.
I see an opportunity with this lede:
I see an opportunity with this lede:
Teachers in East Lansing will be provided with financial
relief, thanks to a new program. The program will offer mortgages with
below-market interest rates to teachers and administrators in public schools.
First,
we should always be on the lookout for opportunities to reduce a
two-sentence lede to just one sentence. A good indication of whether you
can possibly do that is if you refer to something twice.
Like,
when you refer to the "program" at the end of the first sentence, and
the start of the second sentence. Why not merge those references -- and
sentences -- like this:
Teachers in East Lansing will be provided with financial
relief, thanks to a new program offering mortgages with
below-market interest rates to teachers and administrators in public schools.
See what I did there? We've cut out excessive wordiness and redundancy.
First Ledes: Don't Forget Your Articles!
I don't mean stories. A mean a grammatical article, like a, an, the.
Like here: Tuberculosis on the rise at Detroit’s Kennedy High School.
It should be, Tuberculosis is on the rise at Detroit’s Kennedy High School.
When it comes to writing for news, what messes us up regarding articles are newspaper headlines, which usually drop articles in favor of brevity. While that is true of headlines, that is not true of the actual stories under the headlines. Articles need articles.
If you're not sure if you have articles, read your story out loud and ask yourself if it sounds like you've formed complete sentences (e.g., do you sound like a robot talking -- must bowl now -- or a human being -- I must bowl now?). If not, it's usually because you're missing an article.
Like here: Tuberculosis on the rise at Detroit’s Kennedy High School.
It should be, Tuberculosis is on the rise at Detroit’s Kennedy High School.
When it comes to writing for news, what messes us up regarding articles are newspaper headlines, which usually drop articles in favor of brevity. While that is true of headlines, that is not true of the actual stories under the headlines. Articles need articles.
If you're not sure if you have articles, read your story out loud and ask yourself if it sounds like you've formed complete sentences (e.g., do you sound like a robot talking -- must bowl now -- or a human being -- I must bowl now?). If not, it's usually because you're missing an article.
First Ledes: Writing With (AP) Style
In this assignment you weren't asked to write conforming to AP style.
And on this one I won't grade you on that basis. Still, we're going to
use this opportunity to start picking up some of the more common AP
style points.
Like with how to refer to money. Is it $10,000 with the dollar symbol ahead of the amount or 10,000 dollars, with dollars spelled out?
It's the former This is what I pulled from the AP Stylebook, under dollars: Use figures and the $ sign in all except casual references or amounts without a figure.
Number usage has its own specific style under AP rules. Here's the most basic AP guideline, in your style book under numerals: In general "Spell out whole numbers below 10, use figures for 10 and above."
So two should be two, not 2. And 10 should be 10, not ten.
So then, is this correct to start a sentence, under AP Style rules, by spelling out a number like this?
Twenty-two . . .
Actually, that IS correct number use. This is under the numerals heading:
Spell out a numeral at the beginning of a sentence.
Also, Is it 100 year-old with a hyphen between year and old or 100-year-old with hyphens between everything or 100 year old with no hyphens at all? AP Style under ages: Use hyphens for ages expressed as adjectives before a noun or as substitutes for a noun.
So it's 100-year-old, with hyphens between the 100 and year, and between the year and old.
Also, is it Kalamazoo's Fire Chief, with the title in caps, or Kalamazoo's fire chief, with the title lower-cased?
In the absence of a name with the title, it's the latter.How do I know that? AP Style, under titles:
In general confine capitalization to formal titles used directly before an individual's name ... capitalize formal titles when they are used immediately before one or more names.
So, if you just say Kalamazoo fire chief, it's lower-case. If you say Kalamazoo Fire Chief Tom Izzo, it's upper-case.
There are a ton of exceptions under titles, so that's a section you probably want to check frequently.
Another AP no-no is using the percentage symbol of % instead of spelling out the word percent. The correct use is to spell out the symbol, like this: 35 percent. Please review the AP listing under percent.
Moving on, many of you referred to the Centers for Disease Control as just that in your lede. A few of you called used its acronym of CDC in a first reference. An acronym is a word formed from the first letter or letters of a series of words, such as MSU (which is the acronym for Michigan State University).
And using an acronym on first reference is probably a no-no.
In most first cases, it's best to spell out the full title of an entity. If an acronym is especially well-known -- like NASA or FBI or USA -- then generally it is acceptable in a first reference. I'm not sure CDC makes that cut, FYI.
Now, in subsequent references you have a few options. One is to refer to the center in the generic, like I just did: as the center, lower-cased. A second option would be to consider using the acronym, after establishing what the acronym is in the first reference.
This is where I'm going to refer you back to AP Style. Please carefully read and review the listing for abbreviations and acronyms.
Speaking of the CDC, was it Center for Disease Control or Centers for Disease Control? Did anybody check AP style under Centers for Disease Control? What does it say?
The idea behind AP style is not simply to drive you crazy; it's also to create a consistent way of referring to terms and phrases and stats and such throughout not just a story, but throughout all stories offered by a single media organization. Consistency is the key point I'd like you to learn here, and we'll use AP style as the baseline.
I know the AP Stylebook is a lot to digest. But as this class goes on, I expect that you improve by checking your word use against the AP Stylebook, and by remembering AP Style rules as we go along.
What I'm saying is, I don't expect you to make the same mistake twice. I expect you to learn from your mistakes and apply the lessons going forward.
When it comes to types of language you're likely to frequently -- like numbers and money references -- you may want to make a cheat sheet that you can quickly refer to. Just an idea, folks.
Like with how to refer to money. Is it $10,000 with the dollar symbol ahead of the amount or 10,000 dollars, with dollars spelled out?
It's the former This is what I pulled from the AP Stylebook, under dollars: Use figures and the $ sign in all except casual references or amounts without a figure.
Number usage has its own specific style under AP rules. Here's the most basic AP guideline, in your style book under numerals: In general "Spell out whole numbers below 10, use figures for 10 and above."
So two should be two, not 2. And 10 should be 10, not ten.
So then, is this correct to start a sentence, under AP Style rules, by spelling out a number like this?
Twenty-two . . .
Actually, that IS correct number use. This is under the numerals heading:
Spell out a numeral at the beginning of a sentence.
Also, Is it 100 year-old with a hyphen between year and old or 100-year-old with hyphens between everything or 100 year old with no hyphens at all? AP Style under ages: Use hyphens for ages expressed as adjectives before a noun or as substitutes for a noun.
So it's 100-year-old, with hyphens between the 100 and year, and between the year and old.
Also, is it Kalamazoo's Fire Chief, with the title in caps, or Kalamazoo's fire chief, with the title lower-cased?
In the absence of a name with the title, it's the latter.How do I know that? AP Style, under titles:
In general confine capitalization to formal titles used directly before an individual's name ... capitalize formal titles when they are used immediately before one or more names.
So, if you just say Kalamazoo fire chief, it's lower-case. If you say Kalamazoo Fire Chief Tom Izzo, it's upper-case.
There are a ton of exceptions under titles, so that's a section you probably want to check frequently.
Another AP no-no is using the percentage symbol of % instead of spelling out the word percent. The correct use is to spell out the symbol, like this: 35 percent. Please review the AP listing under percent.
Moving on, many of you referred to the Centers for Disease Control as just that in your lede. A few of you called used its acronym of CDC in a first reference. An acronym is a word formed from the first letter or letters of a series of words, such as MSU (which is the acronym for Michigan State University).
And using an acronym on first reference is probably a no-no.
In most first cases, it's best to spell out the full title of an entity. If an acronym is especially well-known -- like NASA or FBI or USA -- then generally it is acceptable in a first reference. I'm not sure CDC makes that cut, FYI.
Now, in subsequent references you have a few options. One is to refer to the center in the generic, like I just did: as the center, lower-cased. A second option would be to consider using the acronym, after establishing what the acronym is in the first reference.
This is where I'm going to refer you back to AP Style. Please carefully read and review the listing for abbreviations and acronyms.
Speaking of the CDC, was it Center for Disease Control or Centers for Disease Control? Did anybody check AP style under Centers for Disease Control? What does it say?
The idea behind AP style is not simply to drive you crazy; it's also to create a consistent way of referring to terms and phrases and stats and such throughout not just a story, but throughout all stories offered by a single media organization. Consistency is the key point I'd like you to learn here, and we'll use AP style as the baseline.
I know the AP Stylebook is a lot to digest. But as this class goes on, I expect that you improve by checking your word use against the AP Stylebook, and by remembering AP Style rules as we go along.
What I'm saying is, I don't expect you to make the same mistake twice. I expect you to learn from your mistakes and apply the lessons going forward.
When it comes to types of language you're likely to frequently -- like numbers and money references -- you may want to make a cheat sheet that you can quickly refer to. Just an idea, folks.
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