Stats: Some Good Examples

First up: a good lede, good nut graf, good attribution, good sequence of supporting info; just good. 

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A survey done by the U.S. Census Bureau last October reveals that computer and Internet use have increased dramatically since the 1980s, according to a press release from the bureau.

In the year 1984, according to the survey, only 8.2 percent of American households reported to the bureau that they owned computers, and household Internet use was nonexistent.

Today, almost 62 percent of households own computers, and almost 55 percent of those households have Internet access, the survey said.

After incremental growths in computer ownership — 15 percent of households in 1989 and 22.8 percent in 1993 — the survey said household Internet use began to register at 18 percent of computer-owning households in 1997, with 36.6 percent of households owning computers.

“About half of all children ages 3 to 17 had access to a computer at home by 1997, as did about 40 percent of all adults (ages 18+),” said the census bureau.

Currently, 76 percent of children have access to a computer at home, as do 57 percent of all adults, the bureau said.

Of the roughly 38 percent of households that don’t have a computer, nearly 2 percent use the Internet outside of home, according to the survey.

Of the roughly 45 percent that don’t access the Internet, 26 percent say they have no computer, or that their computer was inadequate, the survey said.

Households lacking access include those that have computers, but no connection to an Internet service provider, the primary reason being that the householders feel they don’t need the Internet or have no interest in it (41 percent of respondents without access), according to the survey.

Nearly 22 percent of respondents without access listed the price of Internet as their reason, the survey said.

*****

Now, here's one that found a more detailed hook for the lede:


*****

Today, more than 76 percent of children from ages 3 to 17 have access to a computer, according to the Current Population Survey conducted by the U.S. Census Bureau in October. 

            This is a dramatic change from when personal computer usage first began in households in 1984. Then, only 8.2 percent of households reported that they owned a household computer, according to the census bureau. 

            Household Internet usage has remained a little below that of household computer usage, according to the census bureau.

            In 1984, Internet usage was non-existent, according to the census bureau. 

            In 1997, when more than 36 percent of households owned computers, 18 percent of those were accessing the Internet, according to the census bureau.

            Today, when nearly 62 percents of households own computers, nearly 55 percent of them are able to access the Internet, according to the census bureau.

            Where households did not own a computer, only two percent of them reported that they accessed the Internet outside of the home, according to the census bureau.

            Over 45 percent of households still do not access the Internet, including some that own household computers, according to the census bureau.

            Of these households, 22 percent found the cost of Internet prohibitive, while 41 percent were not interested in accessing the Internet at all, according to the census bureau.

Stats: A Good Alternate Lede

I've been very focused on you all doing basic journalism: a to-the-point lede, a strong nut graf, frequent attribution, and so forth.

But the goal isn't to write basic stories with basic ledes; it's to use the qualities of structure, simple and direct language, attribution and such to then reinstall creativity to our writing, so that we have something that is both fun to read AND fun to write; something that is engaging in style yet solid in journalistic principles.

I think this story -- and its alternate lede that stretches over the first four sentences/paragraphs -- does a good job of marrying fundamentals and a fun-to-read style. Note how it's not creativity for creativity's sake; it's an artistic style entirely rooted in the facts you're trying to emphasize. And it's followed by a nut graf (in the fifth sentence/graf) that sounds like a basic lede, but strongly supports the alternative telling:   

It’s the device that changed the lives of many people.

It has become the go-to for information regarding the news, weather, research, latest celebrity gossip and much, much more.

What is it?

It’s the computer.

There has been a dramatic growth of computer ownership and Internet use in American households from the early 1980s until now, according to a survey conducted by the U.S. Census Bureau.

The U.S. Census Bureau conducted the survey as part of the Current Population Survey (CPS) on household computer ownership and Internet use by 
Americans.

The CPS is a large nationally representative survey of approximately 50,000 households conducted each month by the U.S. Census Bureau; this particular survey was conducted in October, said the survey.

The survey shows that since the early 1980s when computers first entered households, the number of households owning a computer has increased from 8.2 percent to 61.8 percent of 113.1 million American households.

According to the survey, of the 61.8 percent of households with computers, 54.7 percent access the Internet from home.

“Today, more than 76 percent of children ages 3 to 17 have access to a computer, as do 57 percent of all adults ages 18+,” said the survey.

Although computers and the Internet are becoming popular in the majority of American households, they aren’t for everyone.

According to the survey, of the 45.3 percent of households that don’t access the Internet but have computers, have a variety of reasons given for not connecting to the Internet.

A few main reasons given were having computers that are inadequate to access the Internet, people who felt they don’t need the Internet or weren’t interested in it, and the cost of the Internet was too high, said the survey.

The survey also said that many people don’t access the Internet because of a lack of time, lack of skill, language barriers, privacy and security concerns, and concerns about children accessing questionable material on the Internet.

Stats: Flip That Lede

Some of you had good ledes that would have been great ledes if you flipped the lede; that is, switch positioning of attribution and substance to highlight the latter.

Here's one lede that could have used a flip:

According to the Current Population Survey conducted each month by the United States Census Bureau, Internet use among households is common in over half of all American homes.

Nice lede, but see how it starts with the attribution before getting to the gist of the story? You can reverse that order like this ...

Internet use among households is common in over half of all American homes, according to the Current Population Survey conducted each month by the United States Census Bureau.

... and you emphasize what is being said over who is saying it. Please note in this case I did not change, add or eliminate any word you used in your lede.

I simply flipped the order.

Stats: Math Is Hard

Be careful with numbers. Make sure you say what you mean, and you mean what you say, and that you understand what you say.

For example, let's look at this passage:

The U.S. Census Bureau ... (found) 61.8 percent have computers, an increase of almost 54 percent since 1984.

This is a fatal.

How is that? you may say. It went from 8.2 percent in 1984 to 61.8 percent now. The difference is 53.6 percent!

That's because the difference in percentage points is 53.6 percent. But the difference in percentage growth is actually 653.6 percent!

Here's what I mean:

In 1984, 8.2 percent of 100 percent households had computers. If 100 percent is 113.1 million households, that means 8.2 percent is around 9.2 million households.

Today, 61.8 percent of that 113.1 million households have computers. 61.8 percent of 113.1 million is around 69.9 million.

So the percentage increase isn't 8.2 to 53.6; it's roughly 9.2 million to somewhere around 69.9 million. And that's an increase of over 650 percent. If the 9.2 million only went up just over 53 percent, we'd be talking about a total of around 14 million or so.

What I think you meant to say was that the percentage of households with computers has risen 53.67 percentage points. Which it did. But that's not what you said.

If you're not sure, check with your sources to make sure your math is correct and in proper context.

Now, I understand math is hard. That's why many of us went into writing; to get away from math, right?

Still, we have to know how to accurately calculate percentage change, and these day it's never been easier with the Internet. Just do a Google search for "percentage change calculator" and you'll find dozens. That's how I did my math.

By the way, this isn't an isolated mistake. In my class last semester someone made the exact same mistake as you did here. So did someone the semester before that.

So don't fret. Do work on remembering the lesson, and not repeating the mistake.

Stats: Fatals

PROBLEM: We said it was the United State Census Bureau when in fact it is the United States Census Bureau.

SOLUTION: Whether for a person or thing, make sure that all proper names are correctly spelled. 

*****

PROBLEM: In one case we cited data from 1977. In fact, the data was from 1997.

SOLUTION: Double-check all facts, figures, names and titles after finishing writing, to make sure what you wrote was correct and what you intended to write.

*****

Stats: Attribution

How do you know that 62 percent of 113.1 million American households have one or more computers?

Did you go door-to-door to those millions of households, and find out yourself?

No. You know that because the U.S. Census Bureau told you, via the press release and stats from which you wrote the story.

So, let's attribute it like this: Today, around 62 percent of 113.1 million American households have one or more computers, the U.S. Census Bureau said, or this: according to data collected by the U.S. Census Bureau, or this on second reference: the bureau said, or another way to do second reference: according to bureau data. 

For your article to be credible, the audience needs to know from where you got your data. Was it yourself? A credible source? A crappy source?

In this case, it was the government agency that exists solely to statistically track Americans. That's source credibility you want to share with your audience to build your credibility: you're getting your info form the experts.

If the information isn't from your very own first-hand observation, then you must attribute the source.

Stats: A Lot Of Youze Guys ...

... were thrown off by the press release starting so heavily with background about the survey before moving on to what the survey found.

That led many of you to offer generic background on the survey -- it's been conducted since 1942, it polls 50,000 households, ect. -- ahead of what the survey found regarding Internet use -- most households now use computers, and the number has drastically grown over the past few decades.

And it led some of you to lede with the fact a survey was taken, rather than what the survey discovered!

All because something is first in a press release -- or a city council meeting, or a football game -- doesn't mean it's worth prominent mention or a lede.

Your lede is based on the Peanut Barrel values we've discussed all semester (and in that case, it's not, Hey! A survey was taken! right?) and where you rank information is based on most relevant to least relevant, and not necessarily the order in which things were presented.

Don't fall for the sequence trap. Rank information on value to the reader and support for your story's central premise.

Stats: Writing With (AP) Style

Is it internet with a little i, or Internet with a capital I?

It's Internet, with a capital I.

Some of you may have missed that because the listing in AP Style for Internetdoesn't say in the text to capitalize it. But in the heading and throughout the definition Internet is indeed capitalized.

The headings for each listing is more than a heading; it also shows the form in which the term is supposed to be used. Things that are lower-cased like international date line are listed as such, in lower case. Things that are usually capitalized are also listed as such, like Internet.

Also, one of the oldest AP Style rules we have around here is that you spell out percent instead of using the percent symbol. No excuse for not knowing that by now. Yet, some of us are still repeating that mistake.

Plus, remember that in first references you should use a full title in caps, like the U.S. Census Bureau. But subsequent references should use the generic title in lower-case, like the census bureau. 

Let's get these loose ends tied up, okay?

Lawsuit: A Good Example

Consistent attribution, consistent use of allegedly and a lede/nut graf sequence that zeroes in on the main point:

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Two parents are suing the Kennedy High School principal, superintendent, and East Lansing School District for $500,000 in Ingham County Circuit Court.

Parents Thaddeus and Laura Dowdell allege that their son James Dowdell has not learned enough to be graduated from high school and that this is the failure of Principal Marvin Ferrell, Superintendent Greg Hubbard and the school district.

James Dowdell, who has attended Kennedy High School for the past three years, has allegedly been told that he will graduate from the school on or around the beginning of next June, according to the lawsuit.

The problem is that James Dowdell’s parents allege that he can barely read or do simple arithmetic and has not learned enough to be graduated from high school or to successfully function in a society as complex as ours, according to the lawsuit. 

Thaddeus and Laura Dowdell allege that the fault does not lie with son James, who according to tests administered by guidance counselors at Kennedy High School has an average IQ of 94, according to the lawsuit. 

The Dowdells allege that it is the failure of the defendants to employ competent teachers, to maintain discipline, to provide remedial help and to provide an atmosphere in which learning might take place, according to the lawsuit.

Along with $500,000 in compensatory damages, the Dowdells are also demanding that James Dowdell be retained at the high school until he further masters the skills expected of a high school graduate, according to the lawsuit.

The plaintiffs are also demanding a trial by jury, according to the lawsuit.

Lawsuit: Allegedly

Like we've discussed before, in a lawsuit anyone can allege anything. So it's extra-important to note things are alleged.

The district didn't fail to adequately educate James Dowdell. They allegedly failed to adequately educate Dowdell. We won't know whether that's true or not until the trial takes place and evidence is presented.

Also, what is being alleged is what, specifically, is being said; not that something is being said.

What I mean is, it's not that the Dowdells allegedly said their child received an insufficient education; that is what they said. What is being alleged is the substance of the claim, so better placement of allegedly would be, the Dowdells said their child allegedly received an insufficient education.

Let's be sure to liberally use the word alleged since what is being alleged has yet to be proven in court and can be considered libelous given the claims of ill-repute being made.

In any instance where one side is making claims about the conduct of the other side that are disparaging or indicate criminal action, please use alleged. 

Lawsuit: Plurals vs. Possessives

When you are talking about the Dowdells as a family unit, it's plural, as in Dowdells; e.g., the Dowdells demand a jury trial.

When you are talking about a single Dowdell in the possessive form, then it's Dowdell's; e.g., Dowdell's IQ score was 94.

When you are talking about a group of Dowdells in the possessive, then it's Dowdells'; e.g., the Dowdells' lawsuit.

Lawsuit: Legal B.S.

Did you need to say the Dowdells demand a jury trial of all issues triable as of a right by jury?

What the hell does that mean, anyway?

It just means they are asking for a jury trial. So it would have been enough to say the Dowdells demanded a jury trial.

Likewise, did you need to say the lawsuit targeted both the defendants jointly and severally, for the compensatory damages in the amount of $500,000?

No. More legal B.S. You could just say the lawsuit targeted the defendants for $500,000.

Now, I didn't knock your grade for your inability to navigate legal mumbo-jumbo, unless it changed the meaning of things. This is the sort of stuff you'll get the hang of when you actually start covering court cases.

Still, if you're not sure of the meaning of what you're writing, you should ask a source for a layman's translation.

Lawsuit: Fatals

PROBLEM: We said the superintendent and principal (the defendants, which is the term for people being sued) were demanding the student stay in school, when in fact the student's parents (the plaintiffs, which is the term for people filing a lawsuit and making accusations) who want to keep their son in school.

SOLUTION: Make sure you correctly understand facts before you start writing; and double-check facts after you finish writing to make sure what you wrote was correct.

Lawsuit: Know Our Words

In a couple of instances, we identified the leader of the high school as the principle, when in fact it was the principal.

There's a difference, although they sound alike. A principal is the leader of a school and is correct; a principle is an ideal and arguably could be interpreted as creating a fatal, since it changes the meaning of a phrase.

If I happened to be in a more ornery mood when grading these, they very well may have been fatals. Don't rely on my mood to get by, make sure we understand what the words we use mean, and how to use the correct ones at the right times.

Lawsuit: Writing With (AP) Style

On second reference, should James Dowdell be James Dowdell or just Dowdellor just James?

For this story, it should be James Dowdell, using both his first and last names on most references.

Now, normally under AP style rules we use just the last name on second reference. But there's an exception. In AP Style, under names:

When it is necessary to distinguish between two people who use the same last name, as in married couples or brothers and sisters, use the first and last name.

In this case, since we were writing about a lawsuit filed on his behalf by his parents, and since we used the last name of his parents, and since that last name is the same as his, then we would default to that exception.

Out-of-Class #2: The Clock Is Ticking ...

By now you should have returned to you your tip sheet, labeled as approved or not approved. If not approved, please follow my comments on what you need to do to get your tip approved, and please resubmit your tip sheet ASAP (like tonight or by tomorrow morning).

Approved story ideas include ...

How sex assault victims are handled at MSU

What a tobacco-free MSU will mean (two people are doing this topic!)

Challenges of media reaching college-age audiences

Why we riot at MSU
Greek life pros and cons (two people are doing this topic!)
Sky-high textbook prices; why?
School funding via lottery 
Healthy eating options for students
Minimum wage and college students
Getting a job after graduation (two people are doing this topic!)
Student stress at MSU
Fake IDs and Greek life at MSU
Broke college students
IM student fees at MSU
Sports fandom and relationships: a builder or a breaker?


... and more!


If you are approved, you are free to start working on your out-of-class story. And whether approved or not, please read and follow my recommendations in your returned tip sheet.

Please remember that per the syllabus, your out-of-class story ...

... must have a minimum of three human sources you interviewed yourself;

... a minimum of 700 words in length;

... be double-spaced and conforming to AP Style;

... include a word count at the end;

... include a list of sources with their phone numbers and email addresses (so I can do spot checks on whether you really talked to them and whether your citations were accurate, ect.) at the end.

... at least one of those sources MUST be a neutral expert!

... and we need to get sources driving the issue, regulating the issue and affected by the issue.

Your deadline for your first out-of-class story will be no later than 9 a.m. Friday, Nov. 6 via email to omars@msu.edu. That's about a week-and-a-half. The email title should be OOC#2. 

Any questions? Please come see me ASAP. And good luck! 

RFTM Ch. 19: Advanced Reporting

Up to now, we've concentrated on reporting via sources and basic documents. Now, we'll look at other ways to gather data and offer news, including using statistics.Much of the information gathered by reporters come in the form of statistics (budgets, sports scores, studies, ect.).

Reporters must make those numbers interesting and understandable for readers. We need to highlight what those numbers mean for readers. How do those numbers impact them? How are those numbers interesting and relevant?

One way to do that is by emphasizing human interest. Like, finding an human anecdote that reflects the numbers. For example, for a tuition hike story, find a student socked by the tuition hike, and use his or her anecdote for an alternate type of lede.

Another way is to present numbers as simply as possible. Find the numbers that are most telling to the story, and explain what those numbers will mean to readers. For example, if tuition is going up 7 percent, figure out how many dollars that would be for someone carrying atypical load of classes. Telling readers that a tuition increase will mean paying $500 more per semester for the typical student is more impactful than just saying 7 percent.

Also, consider finding more illustrative forms of using numbers. Instead of saying something like, 33 percent of the population will die from cooties, translate that to a more easily-understood proportion, like, one in three people will die from cooties.

Plus, put numbers in context, consider proportion and be fair. If the number of fatal cootie deaths in the U.S. grows from one to two, it's unfair to trumpet a 100 percent increase.

Rescue: A Few Good Examples ...

... of doing this story well, from past classes. First, this one:

Play fort-building with friends ended tragically yesterday at 4:40 p.m., after a tunnel four boys were digging suddenly collapsed and only three made it out alive. 

The victim has been identified as 11-year-old James Roger Lo after officers responded to a call at the west end of Liberty Avenue, located on the property of the Wagnor Development Corporation, according to an East Lansing Fire Department incident report. 

After the tunnel collapsed, witnesses at the scene said one boy ran for help while the others tried to free Lo from the dirt, according to the report. 

The report said when the fire department arrived on the scene there were approximately 20 adults trying to remove the boy with their hands and shovels.  The boy had been submerged for 12 minutes at this point, the report said. 

According to the report, the rescue was challenging as the walls of the tunnel continued to cave in with digging efforts.

 When Lo’s head was exposed from the dirt medics rushed to begin resuscitation efforts, however another collapse occurred before they were able to make any progress, the report said. 

The fire department was unable to use heavy equipment so as not to further injure the victim, the report said. 

The report said the body was recovered six feet from the opening of the tunnel at 5:24 p.m. and was taken to the Regional Medical Center where he was pronounced dead from an extensive lack of oxygen. 

Neighbors and witnesses were angry and said they had expressed to the property owner many times that the area was dangerous and needed a fence around the pond  so the neighborhood children could not have access to the land, according to the report. 

The report said the homeowner should be contacted as they may file a claim or have to be compensated for fence repairs. 

*****

Next up is this one:  

An 11-year-old East Lansing boy died yesterday evening after a tunnel he was digging with his friends collapsed on him.

James Roger Lo, a student at Lincoln Elementary School, and three of his friends were digging into the side of a hill near the pond on the west end of Liberty Avenue when, at 4:40 p.m., the tunnel collapsed, according to an incident report filed by Lt. Steven Chenn.

Also according to the report, the East Lansing Fire Department arrived onto the scene at 4:52 p.m., with some 20 adults already there, digging with their hands and a few shovels.

The bystanders expressed their anger at the property owner, Wagnor Development Corporation, for inaction on various warnings that the pond area was a popular but dangerous play area for children, according to the report.

Firefighters took over the work and manage to expose the boy’s head within ten minutes, but another collapse prevented medics from initiating resuscitation, the report said.

Heavy equipment was ruled out, as firefighters had to be careful not to further injure Lo, according to the report.

To expedite the rescue, the report said, firefighters tore sections from a fence at a nearby residence and used it as makeshift shoring to hold back the continually-collapsing dirt.

Lo was freed at 5:24 p.m., taken to East Lansing Regional Medical Center, and pronounced dead there from extensive lack of oxygen, the report said.

Rescue: Why Would A Few People ...

. . . leave out the name of the site owner? Isn't who owns the lot important to the story, especially since angry neighbors claim their pleas to fence in the area went unheeded?

Plus, some people left out the name of the victim. It is a very rare circumstance when the names of victims -- or anyone, for that matter -- are left out of stories. 

In American journalism, those exceptions are pretty limited to rape victims, and some juvenile criminal suspects (but the latter is hardly universal; the places I worked at pretty much usually named 'em. If they're old enough to commit a crime that's worth running in the newspaper, they're old enough to have their name in the paper, too, I suppose).

So, unless we had a truly compelling reason, we should have run the victim's name.

Names are important to stories. Names let the audience see we're dealing with real people. Names humanize what happens, shifting a story to one of statistics (two dead, etc.) to ones of actual human impact. Names matter. Let's include the, in all but the rarest of circumstances.

Rescue: Attribution

How do we know this?

The tunnel kept collapsing on rescuers, Chenn said.

Is it because Chenn said it to us?

No, it's not. It's because Chenn put it in his report, and then we read the report. So, proper attribution would be something like this:

The tunnel kept collapsing on rescuers, Chenn said in his report.

Let's not forget attribution to the actual source from which we learned of what we are writing about.

Attribution needs to go with everything we didn't witness, and needs to be attributed to the source of information. Often, that source is someone we interviewed. But in other cases, like here, it's the fire report we read. Be sure to cite it, so people know from where you got your information.

So, if your source is a fire report, treat attribution to that report in the exact same way we would treat attribution from an interview subject. And that's true whether our source of information is a person or a report or a stone tablet or graffiti on a wall. 

In this story, odds were you should have offered a repeated, according to the fire report over and over again, in graf after graf. That's okay. Just like human source attribution, we simply need to be consistent and thorough, even if it is a bit repetitive.

Also, in this story it would have been wrong to attribute things to the responding officer. That's because you didn't get information from the officer, you got it from the report he wrote.

If we talk so someone, we attribute the person. If we get it from a report the person wrote, then we either attribute it to so-and-so-wrote in a report (or, in the case of witnesses, so-and-so said, according to the report), or we simply attribute it to just, the report said. 

Rescue: Was It ...

. . . a fort the kids were building? You know, with gates and turrets and moats and solid stone walls and stuff?

Or a tunnel that was a kind of play-fort?

It's the former, right?

So, why just call it a fort when it was really a tunnel?

It's not wrong that you refer to the fort in some way; just make sure the context is correct. One of you found a great way to say it: the boys were digging a tunnel to create a play fort.

Rescue: Who, What, WHEN, Where, Why

Quite a few people may have forgotten to say what time the collapse took place, or when the boy was pulled out of the tunnel, and at what time the boy died.

Time often matters as one of the five W's. But in this case, it's especially important to the telling of the story.

Time tells you how difficult it would have been for the boy to be okay after being buried for so long. Time tells you how difficult it was to dig out the boy, in that it took so long.

In this case, specific times are important bits of data that help show the reader what happened, and not just leave them being told by you.

You say it was a difficult rescue. The times help readers see that.

In every story you write, try to determine which data sets help explain the story and show readers what they need to see in terms of evidence supporting your overall angle.

Rescue: Writing With (AP) Style

When do you spell out avenue and street, and when do you abbreviate it?

In AP Style under addresses, it says to abbreviate when used with a specific street number, like 8397 Liberty Ave.

But when using just the street name without a number, it's spelled out, like Liberty Avenue.

Also, the abbreviation for avenue is Ave., and not Av. I know the latter was what was in the report, but we are supposed to translate anything outside of quotations to conform with AP Style. 

Elsewhere in AP Style, we had issues with whether to spell out numerals, or use digits instead. We had issues on whether to use just the first name, just the last name or a person's full name on second references. We had issues on how to properly listages.

I'm not going to revisit these here, since we've gone over these instances in multiple previous AP Style blogs. But I do ask that you review EVERY AP Style blog post from the semester, and find the answers yourself.

It's easy to find every AP Style post. Just click on the label below this post that reads, "ap style," and all the posts will chain together.

Every blog post has labels describing its topic area, and clicking on any of those labels will bring up every similarly-labeled item we've done, period. Please use that as a short-cut resource if there are subject areas in which you'd like a refresher.  

Police: Some Good Examples

Note a good lede that gets to what the latest news is, a strong nut graf that sums up what happened that brought us to the point of the lede, short paragraphs with each turn of events getting itss own graf, and good and consistent attribution throughout: 

One man is in police custody and another is on the loose after the duo’s attempted robbery of a 24-hour convenience store went awry early this morning.

Jiffy Foods employee Terry DaRoza managed to fend off two men with nothing more than his cane after one of the men pulled a knife on him in an attempt to rob the 24-hour convenience store in Okemos. 

According to the Ingham County Sherriff’s Department’s police report, DaRoza said the two men arrived at approximately 1:15 a.m. and asked to use the restroom at the store, located at 4010 Holbrook Drive.

According to the police report, DaRoza then went behind the counter to get the key to the bathroom but was followed by one of the suspects, local resident Timothy Keel, 19, who then allegedly pulled out a knife.

DaRoza, who was still wearing a cast due to an injury he had suffered recently, used his cane to bludgeon Keel, hitting him repeatedly in the face, according to the police report.  

The blows caused Keel to fall to the floor, which is when the suspect still at large attempted to grab the cane from DaRoza, who proceeded to beat him with it, causing the suspect to flee, according to the police report.

A customer then entered and helped DaRoza tie Keel up using their belts to secure him until police arrived, according to the police report. 

Keel is now in police custody and is suffering from a broken nose and jaw from the beating he took at the hands of DaRoza. Keel is being charged with armed robbery and resisting a merchant, according to the police report. 

The police also said to be on the lookout for a brown, ’94, two-door Toyota Celica which the second suspect fled in.  
**** 
Here's another one worth reviewing: 

**** 

This morning a store clerk in Okemos apprehended one of the men who tried to rob the 24-hour establishment.

Terry DaRoza a full-time clerk at the Jiffy Foods, 4010 Holbrook Drive, subdued an armed assailant at approximately 1:15 this morning and with the help of a customer tied him up until police arrived.

DaRoza stated that he was cleaning a popcorn machine when two men entered Jiffy Foods around 1:15 a.m., according to an Ingham County Sheriff's Department report. 

They asked to use the restroom, and when he went to get the key from behind the counter one of the men allegedly pulled a knife, the report said.

The man who allegedly pulled the knife has been identified as Timothy Keel, the report said.

DaRoza uses a cane due to his leg being in a cast from a recent injury he obtained at construction job accident, the report said

DaRoza said that he swung his cane multiple times as hard as he could at Keel's face, according to the report.

Paramedics said that Keel's jaw, nose, and other bones in his face were broken, according to the report. 

At this time the unidentified second suspect attempted to grab DaRoza's cane, at which point DaRoza began to hit the suspect with his cane, the report said.

As the second suspect fled, Stuart Adler entered Jiffy Foods and proceeded to help DaRoza bind Keel with their belts, the report said.

Officers from the Ingham County Sheriff's Department arrived on scene around 1:30 a.m., the report said.

  

DaRoza said he was not injured in the incident, according to the report.

Keel was charged with armed robbery and resisting a merchant, the report said.

Police: Let's Look At Some Ledes!

Let's look at some ledes; first, this one:

The Ingham County Sheriff's Office responded to an armed robbery around 1:30 a.m. today in Okemos.

It's factually correct, but does it go to end resul and ultimate outcome? No. It's like those hypothetical sports ledes we looked at earlier: MSU football played a game Saturday night. It doesn't say how things finished, or at least set context. And in journalism, we start with ending and/or context.

The end result was what transpired. This lede got there:

An attempted armed robbery occurred today in Okemos, resulting in one arrest.

That's better, but there's still something missing. It wasn't a routine armed robbery; I mean, the clerk captured one of the robbers. That's different, right? So, why not highlight what makes this different, like this: 

A store clerk captured one of two men who attempted an armed robbery at a convenience store this morning, according to an Ingham County sheriff's report.

Now, the reader knows not just that something happened, but what happened and how it ended.

It's fair to say what made this story stand out from other armed robbery stories is that the victim caught the suspect. What made it stand out among stories where the victim caught the suspect is that the victim was lame. This lede captured that extra element:

An armed robbery attempt at Jiffy Foods, 4010 Holbrook Drive in Okemos, was foiled by a clerk who had recently been injured in a construction job. 

Yet another lede developed that context -- a lame victim beating a robber -- a bit more.  This more anecdotal lede is followed by a nut graf that helped zero in on the basic details of end result:

While many view being cane-dependent as a handicap, Jiffy Foods clerk Terry DaRoza saw it as an advantage that helped save his life in an armed robbery late last night.

DaRoza, recently injured in a construction job, had to resort to violence when two customers threatened him with a knife at the convenience store on Holbrook Drive at 1:15 a.m., according to an Ingham County Sheriff's report.

This lede/nut graf combo did an outstanding job of setting context and offering basic details. Look carefully at how the nut graf answers specific questions created by the lede; e.g., who was the clerk, who was the robber, how did he defend himself, where and when did this happen, ect.

An injured convenience store clerk used his cane in self-defense this morning when two armed men  tried to rob Jiffy Foods, according to an Ingham County Sheriff's Department report.

At about 1:15 a.m., Terry DaRoza, 34, beat Timothy Keel with his cane after Keel allegedly pulled a knife on DaRoza at the store located at 4010 Holbrook Drive, the report said.

Then the story starts a chronological narrative. But the reader already known end result and context.

Police: Peanut Barrel Rule

I'm kind of surprised that few of you cited something that to me stood out like a sore thumb: the fact that the cane-wielding victim was almost 6 1/2 feet tall, while the would-be alleged robber he beat was fit but not much over five feet tall and weighed less than half as much as the victim.

Isn't that a Peanut Barrel-type of item? Isn't that sharp contrast in size what takes an out-of-the-ordinary robbery story (unusual in that the victim beat off the attacker) and make it even more unique?

I'm not shocked that many of you didn't weave it into your ledes, because to do that is doable but a bit complex. I'm just surprised few few of you noted that bit of interest.

Any explanations?

As journalists, it's important that even when we are looking at what we think is a routine event, that we are always on the lookout for something that makes it a bit different and a bit more interesting. Even if that bit of interest is buried in the nuances of a police report.

Some of you did, however, note the victim's disability-turned-advantage. This lede did that, smartly:

A man with a cane should not be underestimated.

Police: Nut Grafs Are Driving You Nuts

One of youze did a nice alternate lede, but the nut graf fell a bit short. Here was the sequence:

One left in a jiffy. And the other? Not so much.

Jiffy Foods, located in Okemos, was the target of an attempted robbery by two men early this morning.

Then, you start with the chronological narrative of how things unfolded.

First off, the lede was cute and a great teasing set-up for the nut graf.

Now, the nut graf does half of what a good nut graf does, in expanding upon the lede. It says where they left, and what they were doing there.

But the nut graf falls short in another area, and that's answering critical questions created by the lede. Like, why did the one guy stay? And why did the other guy leave in a jiffy? Those question was central to your lede, and you leave the reader still guessing after the nut graf.

I mean, after reading the lede and nut graf, the reader is left guessing what we meant with the whole jiffy/not so much thing. And we can't leave them hanging like that. 

A better nut graf would say something like this:

Two men walked into Jiffy Foods in Okemos as part of an alleged armed robbery attempt, but only one of the suspects was able to flee after the other was beaten by a clerk wielding a cane.

Now, we can go on to the narrative, because the reader knows what the lede meant.

Be sure that you carefully look at your lede, and think about what people need to immediately know for that lede to make sense if they don't read anything other than the lede and nut graf. What they need to know goes in your nut graf.