Final Ledes: Ledes I Liked ...

... included ...
 

Despite Olivida Saleeby’s plea, the East Lansing Zoning Board voted unanimously last night against the burial of her dead husband in the backyard of her home on Elizabeth Lane.

... and ...

Backyard wedding? Sure. But what about a backyard burial?

The city Zoning Board says no.

Olivida Saleeby was denied permission last night to bury her late husband of 62 years in the backyard of their home where they lived for the entirety of their marriage.  

... and ...

Talk about timing.

State Rep. Constance P. Wei, an opponent of banning cell phone use while driving, rear-ended someone Wednesday while talking on her phone with another representative about postponing a vote on the ban.

... and ...

 

State Rep. Constance Wei didn’t want to miss a call, so she missed a red light instead while driving her car Wednesday evening.

She slammed into another car while she on the phone with a colleague, discussing a bill that would ban cell phone use while driving – a bill Wei does not support.

The latter three are alternative ledes with nut grafs, obviously.

FYI, most people did at least well, if not great, on this assignment. I did grade you harder than in previous assignments, as I will as we have more practice opportunities, lectures and blog reviews under our belts.

Final Ledes: Fatal Problems

PROBLEM: In one lede, we said the woman's first name was Olivia. In another, it was Olivifa. In fact, her name was Olivida. Fact fatals result in an automatic 1.0 grade.

SOLUTION: Before writing, carefully go over the information to make sure you understand all the facts as they are. After writing, double-check against your notes every noun (person, place or thing), identifying labels (like addresses, titles and such), numbers, dates and the entirety of all quotes to make sure what you wrote was what you intended to write.

*****

PROBLEM: Some of us didn't turn in the assignment at all. That resulted in a zero-point grade.

SOLUTION: The worst thing we can do in journalism -- even worse than getting a fatal -- is to miss a deadline. A newspaper can't go to print with blank spots in the pages, and a 30-minute newscast can't to to air without content that fills up all 30 minutes. And if you're working for the 11 o'clock news, a script isn't of much help after midnight -- or even at a few minutes after 11.

That means in the media business, you can never miss a deadline.

In journalism, turning in something, anything that meets the minimum standard is critical. You can produce an absolute piece of crap and as long as it's turned in, an editor can still work with it and make it acceptable to use on air or online or in print by his or her deadline. 

An editor can't work with nothing. And someone who turns in nothing won't have a job for very long. Trust me, once I saw someone totally brain-freeze and fail to file anything on deadline on a college basketball game once. And it did happen just once, because the boss told her not to bother coming back to the newsroom; she'd have her final paycheck mailed to her, and she should just have her laptop shipped to work in the same way.

It's that serious. We have to start building good habits now. The penalty for you is a shitty grade, which stings. But I'd rather have you learn a painful lesson now, when the consequence is just a bruised ego. Not an ended career.

Final Ledes: Don't Forget The Obvious

Like here:

Last night, the East Lansing Zoning Board voted unanimously against resident Olivida Saleeby’s request to bury her husband in the backyard of the couple’s home.

It's a great lede, except we never say he's dead. Again, a reader doesn't know where you're going with this. The lede creates momentary confusion -- bury him? What, is that some weird thing he's into? It makes the reader guess why he's being buried.

So, let's anticipate and prevent the confusion by providing the obvious (to us, but not necessarily to the reader) detail: she requested to bury her dead husband.

Final Ledes: Needle In A Haystack

We had a few people end up writing ledes that really didn't get to the gist of the story: ones that centered on the legal debate on whether to allow cell phone use while driving, for example.

But that's not what the story was about. This lede I thought summed up the central point nicely:

A representative who opposes the banning of cell phone usage while driving caused a car crash Wednesday evening while discussing postponing a vote on the bill.

Now, was that evident in the material you had to read? No. It was overstuffed with secondary and nebulous crap. And that was by design.

Rarely -- if ever -- is a news story easy and immediate to identify. Most of the time, you have to sift and root through information (much of which is irrelevant or secondary in nature) to find what is the latest happening, ultimate outcome and/or what is of most interest/relevance/utility.

So you had the info about Constance Wei trying to block a cell phone driving ban. You had some background on a fatal accident that prompted sponsorship of the bill. You have that Wei was driving and talking on the phone about that very same bill when she got into an accident. And you have there were minor injuries in the accident.

A lot of that info was there to distract you, just like in real life you'd go through a ton of info to get to what mattered. Your job was to take a full accounting of what you have, fix in on what was most newsworthy, and discard the rest.

And I think what was most unique, most immediate, most contextual and best adhered to the Peanut Barrel rule was what the aforementioned lede focused upon.

It's like having to find a needle in a haystack. It's hard, yes. But that's the job. Readers don't need us to tell the easy stories; they need us to cut through the clutter and report the hard tales.

Final Ledes: Don't Assume

I think we did in this lede:

Despite being involved in a minor car accident caused by cell phone distraction Wednesday, state Rep. Constance Wei continues to fight a ban on cell phone use while driving.

The problem I have is that, while we know that she's fought the ban up to know, we really don't yet know based on the information we have on hand that the crash has changed her mind. We're assuming it has.

And in journalism, we can't do that. Either the facts are there and we know, or the question is still unanswered and we don't know. This falls in the latter.

If this was a real story situation, probably the first question you'd want to ask Wei is if she has any second thoughts about her political position. I think there's a good chance that this lede would end up being right. But we're supposed to know we're right when we hit the "send" button.   

Let's be sure we go with what we know, based on the evidence on hand.

Final Ledes: Who, What, WHEN, Where, Why

This is a pretty good lede:

State Rep. Constance Wei may find validating her opposition to a ban on cell phone usage while driving more difficult after slamming into another car as she talked on the phone. 

... but there's a pretty big miss. When did it happen? Today? Yesterday? Six months ago?

Often, with news we are trying to highlight that it is new. Prominently saying when helps us do that.

Let's be sure we're using the 5 W's as a sort of checklist, to make sure critical elements are making the lede.

Final Ledes: Get To The End Result

In most ledes, we want to aim for getting to the main point; that is, the end result and ultimate outcome. How did things end up?

This lede doesn't quite get there:
 
Til' death do us part is still too soon for Olivida Saleeby, who requested that the East Lansing Zoning Board allow her to bury her husband of 62 years in their backyard. 

In it, we know what the issue was, but we don't know how it ended up. The news isn't that the board was deciding the issue; it's how they decided it.

This lede goes the extra, necessary step:

“Rest in peace” remains easier said than done for Olivida Saleeby after the East Lansing Zoning Board denied her request to bury her husband in the backyard of their home.

Again, the news isn't that the burial was requested; it's that it was denied.

Final Ledes: Writing With (AP) Style

First off, a warning: starting today, I will start enforcing AP Style rules on any and all items covered by the blog. So start picking up on and acting on the AP Style rules we've gone over, as we go over them.

Now, onto the latest rules:

When talking abut Constance Wei, is is State Representative Constance Wei; or State Rep. Constance Wei; or Constance Wei, a State Representative; or Constance Wei, a state representative?

It's State Rep. Constance Wei; or Constance Wei, a state representative. How do I know that? AP Style, under titles:

In general confine capitalization to formal titles used directly before an individual's name ... capitalize formal titles when they are used immediately before one or more names ...  the following formal titles are capitalized and abbreviated as shown when used before a name both inside and outside quotations: Dr., Gov., Lt. Gov., Rep., Sen., and certain military ranks listed in military titles. All other formal titles are spelled out in all uses. 

There are a ton of exceptions under titles, so that's a section you probably want to check frequently.

Also, as we noted earlier in a first reference we ALWAYS use first and last names: Constance Wei. But from then on we use only the last name: Wei.

This is what it says under names:

In general, use last names only on second reference.


Also, If someone's title precedes their name, then you capitalize: State Rep. Constance. Likewise, you capitalize a title when part of an entity's formal name: East Lansing Zoning Board

If someone's title follows their name, then it's lower-case: Constance Wei, a state representative. Likewise, if a title is not part of an entity's formal name, then it is lower-cased: the zoning board of East Lansing

When a title is used without a name, it's lower-cased: a state representative, a zoning board.

Also, titles in most cases should not be included after a first reference. You may start out by saying State Rep. Constance Wei, but in subsequent references it's just Wei, minus the State Rep. and Constance.

Under AP Style:

In subsequent references, do not continue using the title before a name. Use only the last name.


Moving on, when do you spell out avenue and street, and when do you abbreviate it?

In AP Style under addresses, it says to abbreviate when used with a specific street number, like 8397 Liberty Ave.

But when using just the street name without a number, it's spelled out, like Liberty Avenue.

RFTM Ch. 10: The Body of a News Story

The portion of the story that follows the lede is the body. The body offers details amplifying, supporting, building and detailing the lede.

The most basic type of story body is known as the inverted pyramid. In an inverted pyramid, writers arrange information of descending importance or newsworthiness, in this kind of order:

First paragraph: the lede
Second graf: The nut graf
Third graf: first most-important bit of detail
Fourth graf: second most-important bit of detail
Fifth graf: third most-important bit of detail
... and so on

The advantages of an inverted pyramid are: it helps reporters prioritize information; it helps new reporters find missing elements in a story; it's easy for readers to understand; and it's easy to write and edit quickly (making it especially useful in breaking news situations).

The disadvantages include: it concentrates on basic facts, not leaving much room for context and meaning; it can be boring to read; and it locks reporters into formulatic writing, allowing less flexibilty.

(Having said that, it is a basic writing style that works well as a default style if you're getting confused on how to write something. You can always fall back on an inverted pyramid and be okay.)

In organizing an inverted pyramid story, of course we start with the lede, which we've already gone over. The second graf is known as the nut graf, which does two big things: first, it answers questions created by the lede; second, it offers a logical transition to the body of the story.

For example, let's look at a lede from a previous exercise:

A 22-year-old man speeding at 100 mph crashed his car and died, just 15 minutes before his wedding was to begin this morning in East Lansing. 

This lede creates several questions: who was the 22-year-old man? When, exactly, was the crash? And where, specifically? Why did he crash? And so on.

Those exact details were probably left out of the lede for brevity's sake. But now we can add in some of those details via a nut graf, like this:

Scott Forsythe, who was to wed Sara Howard, was trying to avoid a dog in the road at the time of the 8:45 a.m. crash along Kirkmann Road.

Now, let's pair the lede and nut graf, and see how they symbiotically support each other:

A 22-year-old man speeding at 100 mph crashed his car and died, just 15 minutes before his wedding was to begin this morning in East Lansing.

Scott Forsythe, who was to wed Sara Howard, was trying to avoid a dog in the road at the time of the 8:45 a.m. crash along Kirkmann Road.

The nut graf doesn't mimic or echo the lede; it builds upon it, by filling in details from the lede. Then, we can start a narrative telling in the body of the story.


Another way to pair a lede/nut graf combo is to do an alternative lede. In such cases, the lede (rather than being a summary of how things ended up) can be an anecdote that conveys a more human and relateable example of the bigger issue. (In such cases, the lede may actually be two or three grafs, or more.) Then, the nut graf (much like a traditional lede) sums up the issue bottom line.

For example, a hypothetical story about students struggling to pay for tuition may start with a two-graf anecdotal lede, and then go to a nut graf, like this:

Joe Schmo is a college student, but his day consists of far more than class.

Schmo, a sophomore at Michigan State University, works six jobs in addition to attending six hours of class each day. He works as a waiter, a clerk, a mime, a bookie, a pilot and a rodeo clown, all in an effort to cover his $25,000 in annual tuition payments, he said.

A growing number of students -- like Schmo -- are having to work while attending college, with the number of students engaged in work-study increasing by 500 percent between 1993 and 2013, a recent study found.

With an anecdotal lede, we try to take something big -- like student struggles -- and break it down into something that's easier to relate to, in this case a single student's struggle.

Now, in picking which way to lede a story, we don't base it on what writing style we prefer. Rather, we select the one that best tells the story, and allows readers to best relate to what makes this story interesting, relevant and.or useful.

(This is another big difference between writing for English composition and writing for journalism. In English comp, we write for personal expression and artistic reason. It's all about us. In journalism, we write to contextually and accurately represent the facts we've discovered, and for reader understanding of the story. It's all about the readers and the truth. We may use creative and artistic techniques in telling the story, but we do it based on the facts and reader comprehension, not our own personal expressiveness.)

Then, we continue with the news in the body of the story. We more fully explain how things unfolded or happened. We offer quotes and descriptions. We offer more detail and reaction.

Also in the body of the story, we explain the unfamiliar. We avoid or translate words that are not used in everyday conversation,or that are jargon, as we blogged about earlier. We can translate terms (like, instead of saying cardiac arrest, we use the more conversational heart attack).

Or we can define terms (by saying something like, the man suffered cardiac arrest, commonly known as a heart attack), helping to make a complex story more understandable, and teaching the audience something that may be useful or interesting.

Examples are important, too. Citing examples can help factually justify your summations; make stories more readable and interesting; they can personalize stories and make stories more understandable and relateable; and make concepts more understandable by comparing them to things that are familiar.

In journalism, we try to remember a concept of show, and don't just tell. That is, don't just tell me the news; show me the proof through quotes and data and such. In the lede and nut graf, we generally tell. But in the body of the story, we must show.

Body of a Story: Some Examples

The most basic story structures are very specific in style yet simple in design. So let's look an imaginary story done in a basic news style, starting with what you already know -- the lede:

School was canceled forever today after a 45-year-old college instructor won a multi-billion dollar lottery, quitting his job and sparking a walkout among his students.

The lede is usually followed by what is called the nut graf. The role of that paragraph is to elaborate and expand upon the details of the lede.

Consider the general identifiers posed in the lede: an unnamed instructor, an unnamed school, an unspecified big-money lottery ect. Try to follow up on those generalities with specifics in the nut graf, like this:

Omar Sofradzija, who teaches a journalism class at Michigan State University in East Lansing, won the $99 billion Amazeballs drawing Monday, after which he quit Tuesday, lottery officials said.

That was followed by a mass walkout by MSU students, and then cancelation of MSU classes the next day, university officials said.

In journalism, we try to keep paragraphs fairly short -- usually limited to one main point or idea per graf, and/or one or two sentences per graf. In this case, I thought the nut graf was running a bit long, so I split it into two grafs.

We try to keep paragraphs short and specific for two big reasons: one, to make it easy for the reader to identify key points and specific quotes and such; and two, to make it easy for editors to do the same so they can more quickly edit the story by easily finding what may be worth emphasis or cutting out.

The point after the nut graf is a great place to consider putting in a telling quote; something that goes to the heart of the story's theme or context or ultimate meaning. Something like this:

"If there's no Omar, there simply isn't any point in having school," MSU president Lou Anna K. Simon said.

At this point, the lede/nut graf/key quote package creates sort of a mini-story. In the same way the lede gives you the bare minimum of what you need to know about the story, this grouping of grafs gives readers the minimum amount of information AND supporting detail and evidence.

From this point on, you have a couple of options: you can add more supporting facts and quotes, in descending order of importance. This is called the inverted pyramid style of story organization. You start with the most important piece of background, then the next most important, and so on. Like with short paragraphs, it allows for faster reading and editing. Like this:

Sofradzija, who has been making just $2 an hour teaching an introduction-to-journalism class, said he plans to never teach again.

"Seriously, eff those little brats," he said.

But a number of students said that losing Sofradzija as an instructor has sapped their will to learn.

"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.

Sofradzija said he did not know what exactly he's spend his fortune on, but he promised it would be something stupid.

Notice how pieces of telling information are paired up with quotes supporting, amplifying and humanizing that raw data. It's not necessary that every graf of info is followed by a related quote, but it does help in reinforcing the points that are made throughout a story.

Also, please note attribution is liberally used throughout the story, in every graf after the lede. That's for the benefit of readers, who get to see exactly where you get each bit of information that supports the original claim you make in your lede. Not only are you transparent, but you essentially rely on the expertise of your sources by citing them, building your credibility.

Another approach is to offer a chronological telling, looking at things from the start and listing them in the order they happened. It's important that you weigh the facts you have and the context of the story to decide if an inverted pyramid, chronology or some other method best tells the story. Like this:

Events quickly began to unfold around 8 p.m. Monday, when Sofradzija was named the Amazeballs winner. His resignation was submitted to MSU by 6 a.m. Tuesday, school officials said.

"Seriously, eff those little brats," Sofradzija said.

Word quickly swirled around campus of Sofradzija's departure, with students walking out of their classes em masse throughout the day Tuesday, school officials said.

"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.

University leaders met that night before making the cancellation of the semester official at 8 a.m. today, officials said.

And that's it. Notice how the story seems to end sort of abruptly. Looks weird, right? Well, in journalism that's okay is your story lacks what writers call a satisfying ending. Why is this okay? Because you already have an ending: your lede.

Now that we looked at these two structures in pieces, let's put it all together and look at the pieces as stories. First, the inverted pyramid:

School was canceled forever today after a 45-year-old college instructor won a multi-billion dollar lottery, quitting his job and sparking a walkout among his students.

Omar Sofradzija, who teaches a journalism class at Michigan State University in East Lansing, won the $99 billion Amazeballs drawing Monday, after which he quit Tuesday, lottery officials said.

That was followed by a mass walkout by MSU students, and then cancelation of MSU classes the next day, university officials said.

"If there's no Omar, there simply isn't any point in having school," MSU president Lou Anna K. Simon said.

Sofradzija, who has been making just $2 an hour teaching an introduction-to-journalism class, said he plans to never teach again.

"Seriously, eff those little brats," he said.

But a number of students said that losing Sofradzija as an instructor has sapped their will to learn.

"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.

Sofradzija said he did not know what exactly he's spend his fortune on, but he promised it would be something stupid.

*****

Now, the chronological style:

*****

School was canceled forever today after a 45-year-old college instructor won a multi-billion dollar lottery, quitting his job and sparking a walkout among his students.

Omar Sofradzija, who teaches a journalism class at Michigan State University in East Lansing, won the $99 billion Amazeballs drawing Monday, after which he quit Tuesday, lottery officials said.

That was followed by a mass walkout by MSU students, and then cancelation of MSU classes the next day, university officials said.

"If there's no Omar, there simply isn't any point in having school," MSU president Lou Anna K. Simon said.

Events quickly began to unfold around 8 p.m. Monday, when Sofradzija was named the Amazeballs winner. His resignation was submitted to MSU by 6 a.m. Tuesday, school officials said.

"Seriously, eff those little brats," Sofradzija said.

Word quickly swirled around campus of Sofradzija's departure, with students walking out of their classes em masse throughout the day Tuesday, school officials said.

"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.

University leaders met that night before making the cancellation of the semester official at 8 a.m. today, officials said.

Now, which is the best structure to use: inverted pyramid or chronology? Again, it depends on what best tells the story.

If you're writing about something complex where impact and meaning doesn't necessarily happen in sequence -- like a tuition increase or comparing on-campus and off-campus housing -- then structuring things based on an analyzed importance may be the way to go.

But of the story you're looking into naturally and dramatically unfolds in order -- like a bank robbery or 9/11 -- then a chronology probably works best.

A lot of it depends on what kind of facts you dig up while reporting. Note in each approach, some facts get greater or lesser emphasis, and some facts get entirely left out. You should think about which approach best uses the most important, relevant, interesting and useful facts. Whichever does is probably the highest and best approach to take.

Let me be clear, though: these are NOT the only two story structure options you have. As you've read in the book and probably noticed in your newspaper readings, there are endless ways to write ledes and detail nut grafs and add quotes and cascade facts throughout a story.

You're first and foremost looking for the best way to tell a story, based on what makes meaning and context and accuracy clear and easy to follow.

These are just two basic ways to do that. Master this, and then start practicing other ways.

JRN 200: A Message From The J-School

Dear JRN Instructors:

This is a reminder to let your students know about these great opportunities.

The public lecture for these two professionals is at 7:30 p.m. on Oct. 2. (the flyer announcement and no rsvp needed). The event is at the Wharton Center Cobb Great Hall, featuring former CNN anchor Soledad O'Brien and Pulitzer Prize-winning author Isabel Wilkerson. Tickets are FREE with a valid MSU ID, and are available in advance at the Wharton Center box office. For more information, go to cal.msu.edu/2014lectures

There is also an opportunity for students to meet in smaller groups with each professional earlier in the day -- at 3 p.m.  (the need for rsvp's)Thursday Oct. 2, 2014 (See below for venue and flyer.) An RSVP is required.

They should RSVP soon as space is limited.

Emmy award-winning broadcast journalist and producer -- Soledad O'Brien / "Black in America" CNN series -- Wells Hall room B-310 (presentation space)
RSVP: http://events.cal.msu.edu/registrations/add/cefbfafe

Pulitzer-prize winning text journalist and book author -- Isabel Wilkerson / author "The Warmth of Other Suns" --Wells Hall room B342 (conference room)

RSVP: http://events.cal.msu.edu/registrations/add/eabbbebc

More Ledes: What Does My Grade Mean?

Overall, nice work on the graded ledes exercise. Plus, for the first time you're getting very specific evaluations in numerical form. That's called a grade.

From the syllabus, here's a roundup of what the funny numbers cited in your returned work means:

4.0: Story could be published virtually as is. It shows superior command of the facts, news judgment, story organization, reporting and writing.

3.5: Could be published with very minor revisions. Generally well-written, accurate copy containing all relevant material, but requires minor editing for maximum precision and clarity.

3.0: Better-than-average story. The story was handled well. Copy needs some rewriting and polishing before it could be published.

2.5: A little above average. The story might have a significant problem with reporting, organization, completeness, ect. Certainly needs rewriting.

2.0: Average job. Not a story most readers would read unless they really needed the information. The story may have reporting, organization or writing problems.

1.5: A weak story. The story may have a buried lede, problems in news interpretation, problems in story organization, omission of some important fact or source. The story needs substantial revision.

1.0: A non-story. The story lacks news judgment, displays major flaws in reporting and writing, omits important facts. The story needs substantial rethinking. Also, a story with any fact error automatically gets this grade.

0.0: Story is late or failed to receive instructor's approval. Story is misleading or unethical. Organization of writing flaws make the story incoherent.

More Ledes: Ledes I Liked

Everyone did at least fine on this assignment, some by sticking to basic ledes, and others by trying alternative ledes.

Here's some basic ones:

The East Lansing Police Department will charge arrested persons $25 for mug shots and fingerprints to offset expenses, city officials announced today.

 

 ... and ...

 Scott Forsythe, 22, was killed this morning in a car accident on Kirkmann Road, just 15 minutes before he was to be married.

... and ...  

A group of Michigan State scientists have come up with a possible plan to transplant African wildlife in danger of extinction to the Great Plains of North America.

... and ...

 A six-month-old girl was left unharmed in her parents’ sport-utility vehicle after it was carjacked by an armed robber at the Quik Shoppe convenience store Wednesday.

Next up, let's look at some alternate ledes. Off we go:

Arrested? Prepare for a mug shot, fingerprints, and a $25 service charge.

It's basic and to-the-point, yet still a bit creative in terms of the question lede. It makes it sound a bit more conversational. So did this one:

In an attempt to cure East Lansing's financial troubles, committing a crime now costs offenders more than the humiliation of an arrest.


These next two one looked at the topic from a similarly-practical angle; what you may see as a result of the news:

Lions, elephants and giraffes may soon be found roaming a lot closer to home, as ecologists and biologists want to transplant African wildlife to the Great Plains of North America.

... and ...

While driving across the Great Plains of North America, how would you feel about looking out the car window and seeing giraffes, lions and elephants?

Here, someone took a secondary angle and highlighted it; the angle being, what would the move mean to those affected?

A new idea from Michigan State University scientists has Jim Smithson, a rancher in North Dakota, worried that his cows may be slaughtered by a possible new threat: lions.

This next one had a bit of fun with word play:

A wild idea proposed for a transplant of African wildlife to the Great Plains of North America by Michigan State University scientists is stirring up controversy across the country.

These next two went straight to context:

What could have been the happiest day of Scott Forsythe's life turned fatal after he was killed in a car accident driving 100 mph on the way to his own wedding.

... and ...

Just 15 minutes before 22-year-old Scott Forsythe was scheduled to say "I do," a decision to save a dog's life took his own.


... and ...

      Scott Forsythe was to be wed at 9 a.m.

At 8:45 a.m., half a mile from the church where his bride-to-be waited at the altar, Forsythe crashed into two trees and a fence at 100 mph.

Now, instead of a honeymoon, his bride will attend a funeral.

This next one very nicely went to end result and ultimate outcome: 


A 6-month-old girl was left unharmed in her parents’ sport-utility vehicle after it was carjacked by an armed robber at the Quik Shoppe convenience store Wednesday.
 

I liked these next two, too, that were centered on context:

Could you imagine a routine gas station visit turning into a search for your missing 6-month old baby? For Ethel Perakiss on Wednesday afternoon, this was a reality.
 ...and ...
   

                   When Ethel Perakiss’ car pulled up to the Quik Shoppe convenience store Wednesday afternoon, her six-month-old daughter was in the back seat. 

When the car pulled away from the store, her baby was still in the back, but a stranger with stolen money and a handgun was at the wheel.

This next one bridged the basic facts AND context:

A Michigan Avenue Quick Shoppe robber fled the scene Wednesday with money, a stolen car, and to his surprise, a baby.

Now, which ones do you like, and why? Which ones don't you like, and how come?

More Ledes: A Decent Foursome

1.     A wedding day turned to tragedy when Sara Howard’s fiancée  Scott

Forsythe was killed in a car accident today on Kirkmann Road after he swerved to avoid a dog. 

2.     A night in jail not only includes an embarrassing photo and inked-stained fingers, but also now costs the person who was arrested $25 for this service, according to East Lansing city officials. 

1.   A group of ecologists and biologists at Michigan State University and other schools want to transplant African wildlife to the Great Plains of North America in order to preserve them from extinction. 

2. The robbery of a Quik Shoppe convenience store turned into the search for 6-month-old Megan Perakiss when the thief carjacked a vehicle with the baby still inside Wednesday.

More Ledes: Four More

A 22-year-old man was on his way to starting a new life, but instead he lost his own.

            Scott Forsythe died this morning in a car accident just 15 minutes before his wedding as a result from veering to avoid hitting a dog, witnesses said.

2.         Every person arrested must pay a $25 fee to cover city expenses during a financial crisis, East Lansing city officials announced today.

1.         Lions, giraffes, and elephants – oh my!

            While driving through the Great Plains of North America in the future, one might expect to see African wildlife out their window. A group of scientists in East Lansing believe that relocating African wildlife to America will increase their population numbers for future growth.

2.         Six-month-old girl Megan Perakiss arrived with her mother, but left with her hijacker.

More Ledes: The Peanut Barrel Rule

There's nothing wrong with this lede. But it's still missing something. Here it is:

A 22-year-old man was killed in a car accident earlier this morning after veering to avoid a dog in the road, according to police.

Technically, it's correct. But let's consider something I call the Peanut Barrel rule.

Here it is: Let's say you work at The State News, and one night you wrote this story for The State News and then headed down to the Peanut Barrel to meet friends who DON'T work at The State News and who don't particularly give a shit about journalism for a legal drink or two afterward.

So, you're there with your non-journo pals and then they asked you what you wrote about today. What would you say? More importantly, what would be first to come out of your mouth?

"Uh, well I wrote something abut a dude who got killed when he swerved his car to miss a doggie in the road."

I don't think so. What I think you'd say would be something like this:

"Dude, this was so effed up I don't believe it! Some guy was driving his car all crazy fast so he could make it to his wedding, but he CRASHED and DIED! On his WEDDING DAY! Soo effed up."

I really do think you'd certainly include the wedding angle. That's what made this crash unique and especially poignant and tragic.

If it's a fact or angle that would pass the Peanut Barrel test, then it's a good fact or angle for a lede. If your proposed lede doesn't pass Peanut Barrel muster, then try again until it does.

Obviously, you need to clean it up a bit for print. But the basics would remain the same: A 22-year-old man speeding at 100 mph crashed his car and died, just 10 minutes before his wedding was to begin.

Again, I can't say your lede was incorrect. Clearly, it passes factual muster. But is it really complete? No. It misses context, like calling 9/11 just a plane crash.

More Ledes: Fatals

PROBLEM: In one lede, we said the crash happened on Bell Avenue. In fact, the crash happened on Kirkmann Road, and the bride-to-be lived on Bell Avenue.

SOLUTION: Before writing, carefully go over the information to make sure you understand all the facts as they are. After writing, double-check against your notes every noun (person, place or thing), identifying labels (like addresses, titles and such), numbers, dates and the entirety of all quotes to make sure what you wrote was what you intended to write.

More Ledes: Don't Assume

Like in this lede:

There are many fears that go through a bride's mind before their wedding. For Sara Howard, she never thought to worry about her husband's drive to the church.

Now, it's structurally fine. But the question I have is, how do you know she never thought to worry about her husband's drive to the church?

In the information you were given, you have no indication whether she wasn't worried, or that her fiancee was a shitty driver who had her constantly terrified with his lead foot.

Here, we went beyond the information you had, and made an assumption. We were being creative based on our guessing, not the facts. And we can't do that.

Now, as a journalist you would have been correct to find out if she ever though she'd have to worry about her fiancee's driving. And if she answered yes, then this lede would be perfect.

But we need to confirm the facts first.