Sleep: It's All About Order

Please take a look at this one person's story as graded, and as reorganized below, and all my comments in BOLD CAPS:

(name redacted)

SLEEP

P. 324-325

For 17 years Diana Gant has been a professor at Wayne State University’s Psychology Department. Gant is recognized as one of the nation’s leaders in the study of sleep. VERY WEAK LEDE; WHAT MAKES THIS STORY INTERESTING/RELEVANT/USEFUL AND BEST ANSWERS FROM A READER’S PERSPECTIVE THE QUESTIONS OF “WHY SHOULD I CARE?” AND, “WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?” AND, “WHAT IS THE MAIN POINT OF THE INFORMATION YOU HAVE?” ISN’T GANT’S STORY; IT’S WHAT SHE HAS DISCOVERED ABOUT SLEEP THAT’S APPLICABLE TO EVERYONE. THINK PEANUT BARREL RULE. PLEASE CAREFULLY REVIEW RELATED BLOG POSTS

“I started when I was a graduate student and wrote my thesis, then my dissertation, about sleep,” Gant said. 

At first Gant SAID SHE; ATTRIBUTE! wanted to start by writing about people who got little sleep but could still remain productive, but when the subjects would arrive in laboratories and got the chance to sleep in a dark quiet room they would sleep for nine hours. 

According to Gant, most people need nine to ten hours of sleep a night to perform optimally. However, most people believe they need only seven or eight hours of sleep a night, and others feel only four or five hours is necessary.  THIS SOUNDS LIKE A BETTER NUT GRAF, ALMOST AS-IS, BETTER ELABORATING UPON AND ANSWERING QUESTIONS CREATED BY MY SUGEGSTED LEDE BELOW

“”Nine hours is better,” Gant said. “Think of sleep like exercise. People exercise because it is healthy. Sleep is healthy.” 

Do you often feel sleepy or doze off when you are sitting quietly after a large lunch? If so, that can be a sign that you are not getting the proper amount of sleep needed to carry out your day. THIS SOUNDS LIKE A BETTER LEDE ANGLE, AS-IS, BETTER ADDRESSING THE QUESTIONS I POSED ABOUT YOUR ACTUAL LEDE

“Going without enough sleep is as much of a public and personal safety hazard as going to work drunk,” Gant said. 

Gant has tried to relate many disasters to the affects of sleep. The space shuttle Challenger for example, the accident at Russia’s Chernobyl nuclear reactor and the Exxon Valdez oil spills. Gant said the element of sleeplessness was involved or contributed in all of them, possibly even being the cause. 

“One thing I’ve done is study the number of traffic accidents in the state right after the shift to daylight savings time in the spring, when most people lose an hour’s sleep,” Gant said. “There is an 8 percent increase in accidents the day after the time change, and there’s a corresponding decrease in accidents in the fall when people gain an extra hour.”  

Lack of sleep doesn’t only cause accidents. Not getting enough sleep may cause you to become drowsy after lunch, cutting back on sleep can cause depression, and if you cut back even more, eventually you may find yourself falling asleep at stoplights while driving home. GANT SAID. ATTRIBUTE!

For those of you who aren’t getting enough sleep, there are ways to help solve the problem. GANT SAID. ATTRIBUTE!

“First, you need someplace that’s dark and quiet. Second, it’s good to relax an hour or so before going to bed. Don’t drink or eat a lot. That’ll disturb your sleep, especially alcohol and caffeine,” Gant said. START A NEW GRAF HERE; GRAFS SHOULD RARELYBE MORE THAN TWO SENTENCES LONG “It should be cool, about 65 is best for good sleep. Also, avoid chocolate and other foods that contain a lot of sugar. Finally, get a comfortable bed, and keep your bed linens clean and fresh.” 

ASSIGNMENT GRADE: (redacted)

INSTRUCTOR COMMENTS: YOU HAD GOOD CONTENT, BUT IT WAS OUT OF SEQUENCE. YOU HOOKED YOUR STORY ON BACKGROUND INFORMATION, AND THEN OFFERED THE MAIN POINTS OF YOUR STORY AS BACKGROUND. ONE THING YOU MAY WANT TO DO AS AN AT-HOME EXERCISE IS WRITE YOUR STORY, THEN PRINT IT OUT, THEN CUT OUT EACH PARAGRAPH, AND THEN PLAY WITH THE ORDER TO MAKE SURE THAT THE GRAF THAT BEST SUMS UP THE STORY IS FIRST, THE GRAF THAT BEST DETAILS THE LEDE IS NEXT, AND THAT INFO CASCADES THROUGH THE STORY IN ORDER OF IMPORTANCE. I’M GOING TO DO SUCH A CLIP-AND-PASTE HERE; TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK:

*****

Do you often feel sleepy or doze off when you are sitting quietly after a large lunch? If so, that can be a sign that you are not getting the proper amount of sleep needed to carry out your day.

According to Gant, most people need nine to ten hours of sleep a night to perform optimally. However, most people believe they need only seven or eight hours of sleep a night, and others feel only four or five hours is necessary. 

“”Nine hours is better,” Gant said. “Think of sleep like exercise. People exercise because it is healthy. Sleep is healthy.” 

“Going without enough sleep is as much of a public and personal safety hazard as going to work drunk,” Gant said. 

Gant has tried to relate many disasters to the affects of sleep. The space shuttle Challenger for example, the accident at Russia’s Chernobyl nuclear reactor and the Exxon Valdez oil spills. Gant said the element of sleeplessness was involved or contributed in all of them, possibly even being the cause. 

“One thing I’ve done is study the number of traffic accidents in the state right after the shift to daylight savings time in the spring, when most people lose an hour’s sleep,” Gant said. 

“There is an 8 percent increase in accidents the day after the time change, and there’s a corresponding decrease in accidents in the fall when people gain an extra hour.”  

Lack of sleep doesn’t only cause accidents. Not getting enough sleep may cause you to become drowsy after lunch, cutting back on sleep can cause depression, and if you cut back even more, eventually you may find yourself falling asleep at stoplights while driving home.

For 17 years Diana Gant has been a professor at Wayne State University’s Psychology Department. Gant is recognized as one of the nation’s leaders in the study of sleep

“I started when I was a graduate student and wrote my thesis, then my dissertation, about sleep,” Gant said. 

At first Gant wanted to start by writing about people who got little sleep but could still remain productive, but when the subjects would arrive in laboratories and got the chance to sleep in a dark quiet room they would sleep for nine hours. 

For those of you who aren’t getting enough sleep, there are ways to help solve the problem.

“First, you need someplace that’s dark and quiet. Second, it’s good to relax an hour or so before going to bed. Don’t drink or eat a lot. That’ll disturb your sleep, especially alcohol and caffeine,” Gant said. “It should be cool, about 65 is best for good sleep. Also, avoid chocolate and other foods that contain a lot of sugar. Finally, get a comfortable bed, and keep your bed linens clean and fresh.” 
ASSIGNMENT GRADE: (redacted)

INSTRUCTOR COMMENTS: IT’S EXACTLY WHAT YOU WROTE, WITHOUT ME CHANGING EVEN A SINGLE WORD. ALL I DID WAS REARRANGE THE ORDER OF SOME OF THE GRAFS. SEE HOW IT MAKES A HUGE DIFFERENCE IN FOCUSING YOUR STORY, AND ALLOWING FACTS TO UNSPOOL IN A SENSIBLE MANNER? WE HAVE A NICE ANECDOTAL LEDE, A STRONG NUT GRAF THAT ANSWERS THE QUESTIONS CREATED BY THE LEDE; TWO TELLING QUOTES, DETAILS ON THE RESEARCH AND FINDINGS, THEN HER BACKGROUND AND FINALLY PRACTICAL TIPS. IT’S CLEAR TO THE READER RIGHT FORM THE GET-GO WHY THEY SHOULD CARE AND WHAT MAKES THIS INTERESTING, WE EXPAND ON THAT THROUGH THE BODY OF THE STORY, THEN WE GET TO SECONDARY BACKGROUND AND NEWS-YOU-CAN-USE. SIMPLY REARRANGING GRAFS IS THE DIFFERENCE HERE BETWEEN A (grade redacted) AND A (much higher grade redacted). BE SURE YOU ARE PLAYING WITH INFORMATION ORDER TO BEST ORGANIZE YOUR STORY. AGAIN, YOU WROTE ALL THE RIGHT THINGS, JUST NOT IN THE OPTIMAL ORDER. PLEASE REVIEW BLOG