Monday, October 16, 2017

Out-of-Class #1:Example #2


Oct.13, 2017 

Alcohol at MSU

At colleges all across the nation, students are giving in to peer pressure by turning to alcohol in an attempt to look cool . PERIOD NEEDS TO BE AT END OF SENTENCE WITHOUT A SPACE

            Michigan State University is no exception, where many students consume alcohol at parties and other social events, such as football tailgates.

            Although students may be first exposed to alcohol at different ages, about 70% SPELL OUT PERCENT INSTEAD OF USING % SYMBOL, PER AP STYLE of students at MSU consume alcohol at least once a month, according to the 2016 edition of the Spartan State of Health Presentation.

            For many students, attending parties and drinking are how they meet people, and get acclimated to college life.

            Dr. Norman S. Miller, MD, is a psychiatrist in the East Lansing area who specializes in treating alcohol and drug addiction. He said that he has helped to conduct many studies surrounding the topic of alcoholism.

            Alcohol is “something (college students) seek, most people don’t drink to treat some sort of underlying condition or stress, they drink to seek alcohol,” Miller said. “About 20% SPELL OUT PERCENT INSTEAD OF USING % SYMBOL, PER AP STYLE of the student population has diagnosable alcoholism. At least 25% of students have a drinking problem, a serious one.”

            Miller also pointed out that students being drunk can lead to sexual violence. “Men become more aggressive generally,” he said. WE’RE MISISNG QUOTE MARKS HERE You see a lot of drinking in dating to kind of grease the wheels, for whatever (the students are) gonna do. The problem with alcohol in the student population is that it’s responsible for a lot of problems that we blame on other things. So called college rape, frequently occurs when two people get drunk.”

            “The way to avoid violence and rape and all that is not to get drunk,” Miller said.

            For young people, the health risks of binge-drinking may not be as real as they are for adults. “Alcohol has always been an attractive thing to people, but particularly young folks. Also young folks have a higher tolerance to alcohol, so they can drink more.” Miller said.

Dennis, a volunteer for Alcoholics Anonymous who has requested that his last name be withheld from this article due to his position with AA, WE SHOULD NOTBE USING ANONYMOUS SOURCING FOR THIS CLASS, AND WE CERTAINLY SHOULD NOT BE DOING IT WITHOUT GETTING RPIOR PERIMISSION FROM ME (FOR THIS CLASS) AND FROM AN EDITOR (IN THE REAL WORLD) explained some of the long-term detriments of excessive drinking in college.

            “When people are drinking and they overuse, they’re prone to make bad decisions, and sometimes that decision has long lasting effects,” he said. “Sometimes getting behind the wheel of car, or just hurting themselves or others physically.”

            “Most students who indulge in drinking on campus, probably the majority, at some point they find alcohol less attractive, and they, you know they grow up. But there will be a small minority that will probably lead to more aggressive use eventually leading to addiction, which will lead to alcoholism.” WHO SAID THIS? ATTRIBUTE!

            Although binge drinking can have devastating effects, occasionally consuming alcohol at social gatherings can be relatively harmless for students.

            Amari Nichols, a current senior at MSU, said “I think Michigan State Students STUDENTS IS LOWER CASE use alcohol to,one, have fun, and I think that it opens them up and allows them to be more of themself.”

            Bridgette Rowe, a graduate student at Michigan State, said “With QUOTES START LOWER CASE UNLESS THEY START A SENTENCE freshmen, (drinking is) more of a rebellious phase because (students are) just coming out of high school and maybe if you have a very tight family or overbearing parents it’s more of like a freedom thing and people are releasing more,” she said. ONLY ONE ATTRIBUTION IS NEEDED IN ANY PARAGRAPH HERE THERE IS ONLY ONE SOURCE “Probably the older you get, it’s probably to numb the pain of your classes.”

Not all situations that students encounter from drinking are completely harmless. Drinking too much in one night can lead to many dangerous health effects, including vomiting, dehydration, and even death in some extreme cases. HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS? ATTRIBUTE!

Rowe said that her freshman year of undergraduate school two students died DO YOU KNOW THIS TO BE TRUE? DID YOU CHECK THIS WITH AUTHORITIES OR SIMPLY TAKE YOUR SOURCE’S WORD FOR IT? after drinking too much alcohol. START NEW PARAGRAPH HERE; ONLY ONE MAIN POINT OR ONE SUPPORRTING POINT OR ONE QUOTE PER GRAF “They were international students, kind of getting into our culture. So what does it say about our culture where people are dying just coming to Michigan State?” She SHE IS LOWER CASE HERE said, PERIOD INSTEAD OF COMMA HERE “(Alcohol is) becoming more accessible in the sense that people are being liberal in how they’re getting alcohol and how much they’re using.”

According to the State of Spartan Health Presentation from 2016, the percentage of students at MSU who consume alcohol has actually decreased from 2014, and has been on a steady decline ever since 2004. I WOULD RATHER HAVE US INTERVIEW THE AUTHOR OF THIS PRESNETATION FROM OLIN THAN SIMPLY CITE THE STUDY

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Below are the sources whose words made it into this article

Dennis Southey: Alcoholics Anonymous volunteer in East Lansing. 518-331-6609

Bridgette Rowe: Graduate student at MSU who also attended undergrad here. 734-748-1050, rowebrid@msu.edu

Dr. Norman Miller, MD, Psychiatrist  517-507-0407

Amari Nichols: current senior at MSU 313-658-4055 nicho469@msu.edu

The State of Spartan Health: The 2016 NCHA Survey of MSU Students






ASSIGNMENT GRADE: (redacted)

INSTRUCTOR’S COMMENTS: GENERALLY GOOD STRUCTURE AND ATTRIBUTION AND USE OF QUOTES HERE, BUT A BIT OF SLOPPINESS WHEN IT COMES TO PUNCTUATION AND AP STYLE USE. STILL, A PRETTY GODO START; THANKS!


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