Out-of-Class #1: A More Typical Example ...

... of the struggles manny people have on this first assignment. Please review this example from one of youze, and my notes and comments.

Oct. 12, 2016

Out-Of-Class # 1

Michigan State University: Now Tobacco-Free

At what point do concerns regarding health and safety create negative outcomes? Michigan State University’s new policy ON WHAT? BE SPECIFIC just might do that.

On August 15, 2016, Michigan State University becomes BECAME, NOT BECOMES. THIS ALREADY HAPPENED, SO USE PAST TENSE a tobacco-free campus, reenacting ordinance 29.00. The use and sale of tobacco products on campus will result in a civil infraction. START NEW PARAGRAPH HERE; ONLY ONE MAIN POINT OR ONE SUPPORTING POINT OR ONE QUOTE PER GRAF This is not the first time the ordinance has been enforced. According to the ordinance 29.00, it was first enacted September 15, 1964, and has since been amended in: 1969, 1994, 1995, and now, 2016. START NEW PARAGRAPH HERE; ONLY ONE MAIN POINT OR ONE SUPPORTING POINT OR ONE QUOTE PER GRAF But, with the use of tobacco products decreasing in society, the ordinance could remain permanently. HOW DO YOU KNOW ANY OF THIS? WHERE IS THE ATTRIBIUTION?

Darek Kalisz, a senior at Michigan State University, believes students will adapt to the ban over time. START NEW PARAGRAPH HERE; ONLY ONE MAIN POINT OR ONE SUPPORTING POINT OR ONE QUOTE PER GRAF “I personally do not use tobacco products, so the ban does not affect myself in anyway, and in general I feel like less people overall use tobacco compared to previous decades” COMMA GOES INSIDE OF QUOTE MARKS AHEAD OF ATTRIBUTION LIKE THIS,” he said. “Because less people use tobacco, I feel like this is not a big issue and a lot of people support it,” Darek KALISZ, NOT DAREK; USE LAST NAME ONLY ON SECOND AND SUBSEQUENT REFERENCES, PER AP STYLE continued. SAID, INSTEAD OF CONTINUED. PLUS, ONLY ONE ATTRIBIUTION NEEDED IN A GRAF WHERE THERE IS JUST ONE SOURCE

The senior is not wrong, either. More people everyday are making the decision to be tobacco-free. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention ITS WEB SITE? A SPOKESPERSON? A REPORT? BE SPECIFIC report students decreasing their use of tobacco since 2005.

Bryon Kavanagh remembers a time when the ban would’ve caused more controversy. “The younger people don’t smoke like we use to back in the day,” he said. START NEW PARAGRAPH HERE; ONLY ONE MAIN POINT OR ONE SUPPORTING POINT OR ONE QUOTE PER GRAF Bryon KAVANAGH, NOT BRYON ; USE LAST NAME ONLY ON SECOND AND SUBSEQUENT REFERENCES, PER AP STYLE is a delivery driver for Cottage Inn Pizza in downtown East Lansing, which is located across the street from Michigan State’s campus. Bryon’s KAVANAGH, NOT BRYON ; USE LAST NAME ONLY ON SECOND AND SUBSEQUENT REFERENCES, PER AP STYLE job requires him to drive through the campus frequently. START NEW PARAGRAPH HERE; ONLY ONE MAIN POINT OR ONE SUPPORTING POINT OR ONE QUOTE PER GRAF “As a former smoker, I understand the message the university is trying to send. But, people driving through the campus shouldn’t have to follow the ban,” Bryon KAVANAGH, NOT BRYON; USE LAST NAME ONLY ON SECOND AND SUBSEQUENT REFERENCES, PER AP STYLE said.

Overall, people surrounding the school understand their concern for health, but there are some out there who think the ban governs too much. Tex Hastings is a junior at Michigan State University who believes some tobacco products should still be allowed on campus. START NEW PARAGRAPH HERE; ONLY ONE MAIN POINT OR ONE SUPPORTING POINT ORONE QUOTE PER GRAF “I think that the ban should be on smoking tobacco but allow chewing when outdoors, because smoking can bother other students, whereas chew doesn’t to the same degree,” he said.

People immediately think of smoking when responding to the tobacco-ban, and rightfully so. Chewing doesn’t affect anyone else but the user, while smoking affects the smoker and others around him or her as well. Which is more important, a person’s right to smoke or a person’s right to health?

Hunter Lawson is a student at Lansing Community College, but often spends time on Michigan State University’s campus. Even as a smoker, Hunter LAWSON, NOT HUNTER; USE LAST NAME ONLY ON SECOND AND SUBSEQUENT REFERENCES, PER AP STYLE ecognizes the benefits of the tobacco policy. START NEW PARAGRAPH HERE; ONLY ONE MAIN POINT OR ONE SUPPORTING POINT ORONE QUOTE PER GRAF “I think it has good intentions and will produce a positive and healthy image for the school,” he claimed. SAID, NOT CLAIMED. “Take it from a smoker. It’s a college campus; you pay them to attend their school. Smoking kills people man, and if they want to enforce a no-smoking law, they can,” Hunter said. LAWSON, NOT HUNTER; USE LAST NAME ONLY ON SECOND AND SUBSEQUENT REFERENCES, PER AP STYLE. PLUS, ONLY ONE ATTRIBIUTION NEEDED IN A GRAF WHERE THERE IS JUST ONE SOURCE

It’s clear people care about the health benefits of the ban, but just as many are upset about Michigan State University’s deemed power. After all, most students pay tuition and other fees to be on campus, why should they be denied their right to participate in recreational activity? START NEW PARAGRAPH HERE; ONLY ONE MAIN POINT OR ONE SUPPORTING POINT OR ONE QUOTE PER GRAF

Lansing Community College sophomore Austin Fournier is against the school’s move. START NEW PARAGRAPH HERE; ONLY ONE MAIN POINT OR ONE SUPPORTING POINT OR ONE QUOTE PER GRAF I would disagree mainly because everyone’s already paying so much money to attend, I believe it’s a personal choice whether or not you want to smoke,” Austin FOURNIER, NOT AUSTIN; USE LAST NAME ONLY ON SECOND AND SUBSEQUENT REFERENCES, PER AP STYLE.  said. START NEW PARAGRAPH HERE; ONLY ONE MAIN POINT OR ONE SUPPORTING POINT ORONE QUOTE PER GRAF The stipulations of the ban rise from a political standpoint. And the argument of health versus choice continues from both sides.

There are public systems and events littered throughout Michigan State’s campus: sports tailgates, concerts, job fairs, bike trails and parks. Fans from other universities tailgating at Michigan State University have nothing invested in the school, but are still expected to follow the policy. START NEW PARAGRAPH HERE; ONLY ONE MAIN POINT OR ONE SUPPORTING POINT OR ONE QUOTE PER GRAF Matt Matras doesn’t think that is right. “I think if people want to smoke they should be able to because that’s how it is everywhere else in public,” Matt said. MATRAS, NOT MATT; USE LAST NAME ONLY ON SECOND AND SUBSEQUENT REFERENCES, PER AP STYLE

Billy Kilpela, Michigan State Sophomore, SOPHOMORE IS LOWER CASE, PER AP STYLE agrees with Matt. MATRAS, NOT MATT; USE LAST NAME ONLY ON SECOND AND SUBSEQUENT REFERENCES, PER AP STYLE

He believes the ban perpetuates rebellion. START NEW PARAGRAPH HERE; ONLY ONE MAIN POINT OR ONE SUPPORTING POINT OR ONE QUOTE PER GRAF “I don’t agree with the tobacco-ban and here’s why, I will bring you back to when we all were kids, when you are not allowed to do something what happened?” he asked. SAID, INSTEAD OF ASKED “You are 100 percent more likely to do it because it gives this feeling of going against the rules are making your own decisions,” he insisted. ONLY ONE ATTRIBIUTION NEEDED IN A GRAF WHERE THERE IS JUST ONE SOURCE

Some students understand the decision, while others disagree. No matter your stance, you can’t help but notice society’s drift away from tobacco products. DELETE THIS PARAGRAPH; NO NEED FOR THE SO-CALLED SATSFYING ENDING. IN JOURNALISM, WE LEDE WITH THE END RESULT AND ULTIMATE OUTCOME, SO SUMMING UP THE STORY BELONGS IN THE LEDE AND/OR NUT GRAF; JUST LET THE STORY END WHERE IT ENDS, EVEN IF IT SEEMS ABRUPT.

ASSIGNMENT GRADE: (REDACTED)

INSTRUCTOR COMMENTS: THE BIGGEST PROBLEM WITH THE STORY IS THAT IT’S ENTIRELY ONE-SIDED. ALL WE HAVE IS STUDENT AND CAMPUS USER REACTION. WE HAVE NOTHING AT ALL FROM THE PEOPLE WHO MADE THE DECISION AND CONTROLS CAMPUS RULES – MSU OFFICIALS – ON WHY THEY DID THIS AND WHAT TGEIR REACTIONS ARE TO THE STUDENT COMMENTS YOU GATHERED. WE HAVE NO NEUTRAL EXPERT LIKE A TOBACCO POLICY PROFESSOR – YES, THERE ARE SUCH PEOPLE OUT THERE AT VARIOUS SCHOOLS – WHO COULD CONTEXTUALIZE THE ISSUE BY NOTING HOW THIS ISSUE IS PLAYING ITSELF OUT ELSEWHERE THAT READERS CAN THEN COMPARE TO THE MSU SITUATION TO HELP DETERMINE IF THE HAPPENINGSHERE ARE TYPICAL OR UNUSUAL OR ON THE CUTTING EDGE OR SOMETHING EVERYPLACE ELSE IS ALREADY DOING. FOR THAT, WE NEED A RANGE OF SOURCES, NOT JUST A LOT OF PEOPLE FROM JUST ONE SOURCE NICHE. BEYOND THAT, WE HAD ISSUES WITH STORY STRUCTURE IN THAT WE WEREN’T SEPARATING PARAGRAPHS BY ONE MAINPOINT OR ONE SUPPORTING POINT OR ONE QUOTE PER GRAF, AND WE WEREN’T FOLLOWING AP STYLE RULES REGARDING NAMES. THESE ARE THINGS WE WERE SUPPOSED TO CARRY OVER FROM OUR PRACTICE STORIES. THE WHOLE POINT OF US DOING PRACTICE STORIES WAS TO THEN APPLY THAT STRUCTURE AND THOSE RULES TO OUR OUT-OF-CLASS STORIES. HAVING SAID THAT, MANY PEOPLE STRUGGLE WITH THE FIRST OUT-OF-CLASS STORY BECAUSE IT’S THE FIRST ONE AND THEY ARE UNSURE WHAT IT’S SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE IN THE END. I EXPECT US TO LEARN FROM THIS FIRST ONE AND DO A MUCH BETTER JOB WITH OUR SECOND ONE.