... of this assignment. Great lede, solid story flow, liberal use of quotes, small grafs, frequent attribution, yadda yadda yadda.
Admittedly, this wasn't exactly what was turned in. The person was very close to having a perfect story, and I made the changes that I suggested in the graded version of this person's story. Still, do take a look at it, compare it to your own work, and think about how this person did the story, and how you could incorporate some of the concepts shown strongly here:
Reports of missing persons may not be as criminal as the public thought.
According to statistics by the U.S. Justice Department, Michigan had 57,152 women, men and children reported missing in the last year, but East Lansing police said no more than 100 are crime victims.
“I’ve worked around missing persons for the past 10 years, and it’s rare finding someone after more than a year,” East Lansing City Police Sgt. Manual Cortez said. “We find a lot of people disappear because they’ve got troubles, want to leave them behind and start over again.”
Last year, three-fourths of the missing persons in Michigan have been cases of runaway juveniles, according to the justice department.
Among missing juveniles, Cortez said those missing are typically 11 to 17-years-old, girls exceeding boys 3 to 1.
A 14-year-old girl, Sabrina, who has asked for her last name to be unidentified, said she ran away from her home in East Lansing because her stepfather was a drunk and hit her mom.
“My parents got divorced,” Sabrina said. “I hated my stepfather.”
Sabrina then convinced a man she met to take her to New York, she said.
She said after police caught her shoplifting and prostituting, she returned to East Lansing with her mother.
“She’s dropped the jerk, so it’s better now, just the two of us,” Sabrina said.
According to the justice department, there were 450,700 children nationwide who ran away from home and juvenile facilities last year and 127,100 whose parents would not allow them to return.
Cortez said more adult men than adult women disappear due to their troubles.
Jason Abare, 31, is a case of a missing person who ran away from his problems. Abare, who was ordered to pay alimony and child support for four children, said he left the state to avoid paying.
Abare, who is in construction, said he could find a job almost anywhere.
He said he moved around a lot, figuring that no one could catch him if he skipped town regularly.
“It was easy, real easy,” he said. “If I liked where I was I’d stay a couple months, even a year.”
Abare said he was caught after a drunk driving charge and returned to Michigan.
Among the total number of missing persons in Michigan, 9,000 have yet to be found, according to the justice department.
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I made similar fixes with this one, which used an alternative lede: an anecdotal lede, which was also a delayed lede, taking several grafs to get to the nut graf:
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Divorced and ordered to pay child support for his four children, East Lansing resident Jason Abare said he decided to skip town to avoid his problems.
He said he could find jobs as a carpenter in construction “real easy” and that he figured no one could ever find him, so after divorcing his wife Anne Abare of nine years, he was supposed to pay alimony and $840 a month for child support, but he “wasn't going to give her a penny, not with the hell that woman put [him] through.”
“I got caught last month, charged with drunken driving and didn't have a driver's license anymore, so they checked my [finger]prints and found out who I really was and returned me here. Bad luck, that's what it was, just bad luck,” he said.
Upon his return to East Lansing, he was charged with nonsupport and put in the East Lansing County Jail.
According to the U.S. Justice Department, out of the 57,152 men, women and children who were reported missing last year in Michigan, 48,384 -- including Abare -- sooner or later reappeared, were found, or recovered.
Nearly 9,000 people in Michigan remain missing, and no more than a total of 100 of them, according to police, were true crime victims: people apparently kidnapped, robbed or murdered.
Those 48,384 who reappeared were mostly people who ran away from their problems: deadbeat dads and moms, people running from debts, young men and women running away with lovers with whom they were deeply in love with.
“We find a lot of people disappear because they've got troubles, want to leave them behind and start over again. A lot of people think about it, and some do more than think about it. Normally it's more men than women, except among juveniles,” East Lansing Police Department Sgt. Manuel Cortez said, who has worked around missing persons for the past 10 years.
Some of the missing people each year are children who run away and others are very old people with Alzheimer’s disease who wander some distance away from their homes without noticing.
Michigan State University Psychology Professor Alan Christopher said “most adults will stick around and handle their problems, but a lot of kids think it's easier to run away. Or they just don't think.”
Three-fourths of the missing people last year were juveniles. Nearly 6,500 have not yet been found or located, according to the justice department.
“They see some place on television, and it looks good, so they try to go there,” Christopher said.
Nationwide, 450,700 children and teenagers were reported to have fled their homes, juvenile facilities and other places they were supposed to be living last year, according to the justice department.
“Among juveniles, runaway girls outnumber boys 3-1. Kids, particularly those 11 to 17, flee in [large groups],” Cortez said.
A teenage girl who is a East Lansing resident, who spoke on the condition her last name not be used, said she ran away when her parents got divorced.
“I hated my stepfather. He's a jerk. He got drunk and hit my mom and expected us to wait on him like we were his slaves,” the girl said.
“I met this guy who was moving to New York. He didn't want to take me, said I was too young, but I got him to change his mind,” she said. “I was there for two years, then got caught shoplifting and prostituting and the cops somehow they came up with my real name and my mom came and got me. She's dropped the jerk, so it's better now.”
She now lives just with her mom, whom she said she could talk to now.
The statistics also said another 127,100 children and teenagers were “thrown away,” meaning their parents, guardians or whoever cared for them would not let them come back.
It becomes harder to find a missing person as time goes by.
“It's rare finding someone after more than a year,” Cortez said.
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