Squirrels: A Story I Liked

With each of these lede/nut graf sequences, the writers followed by offering the fact/quote sequences that we talked about earlier. So does this story -- which I will show you in its complete form -- that starts with an alternative lede, then goes to two nut grafs, then launches into the compartmentalized individual examples. This is a good structure which to aspire to:

       In Lansing, there is a new addition to the squirrel’s diet — electrical wires.

       The squirrels on Lansing Community College’s campus have been making homes and feeding on the electrical wires in cars on campus.

       The damage from the squirrels is costing students and staff money to replace ruined wires.

       LCC dietitian Linda Kasparov said an attendant at a service station found a squirrel’s nest as the cause of broken a oil-pressure gauge, speedometer and headlights on Kasparov’s car.

        “The attendant put up the hood and then jumped back exclaiming, ‘My God, what have you got in there!’” Kasparov said.

       Kasparov said the attendant found three baby squirrels in a nest built of string, sticks and plastic bags. 

       Kasparov said the damage cost her more than $400.

       Laura Ruffenboch, a wildlife professor at LCC, said the soybean-based insulation on many electrical wires may be appealing to the squirrels.

        Ruffenboch said squirrels building nests in a car which is used regularly is an uncommon phenomenon.

       Oliver Brookes, an associate professor of English at LCC, also said he found a squirrel’s nest under the hood of his car.

       “There was a big squirrels nest in the corner where the light wires were,” Brookes said.

       Brookes said the squirrels chewed through the headlight wiring in his car, which cost more than $180 to replace.

Meeting: A Good Example

Note the to-the-point lede and the strong nut graf and telling quotes tight grafs and ranking of information in order of importance and newsworthiness. Here we go:

 

The Grand Ledge School Board voted to keep using the same biology textbooks in Grand Ledge schools last night despite complaints from citizens that the books do not teach creationism.

After a lively public hearing that about 100 people attended, the board voted 6-3 to continue using the current textbooks.

“We’ve seen your biology books,” Grand Ledge parent Claire Sawyer said. “I don’t want my children using them. They never mention the theory of creationism.”

The debate went back and forth among members of the public in attendance.

“Evolution isn’t a theory,” Grand Ledge parent Harley Euon said. “It’s a proven fact. Creationism is a religious idea, not even a scientific theory. People here are trying to force schools to teach our children their religion.”

After the vote in favor of the current textbooks, the board said they encourage parents to discuss the matter of creationism versus evolution in their individual homes. 

In other discussion, the board opted to continue remedial summer classes for one more year, but to examine whether the remedial classes are worth their cost.

The classes, which the board said cost about $2.1 million, are set to stay for at least one more year after a 7-2 vote.

The classes are only used by about 900 students each summer, according to board member Umberto Vacante.

“If we’re going to spend that kind of money, I think we should use it to help and reward our most talented students,” Vacante said. “They’re the ones we ignore. We could offer special programs for them.”

Superintendent Greg Hubbard disagreed with Vacante’s assessment.

“Some of these summer students have learning disabilities and emotional problems, and they really need the help,” Hubbard said. “This would hurt them terribly. Without it, they might never graduate.”

In budget discussions, the board announced that $9.3 million of the $618.7 million in next year’s budget will be spent on the construction of a new elementary school on West Madison Avenue. 

The school will be completed and open in two years, the board said.

The board said teachers and administrators are set to receive wage increases of 4.5 percent and 6 percent, respectively.

Missing: Good Examples

... of this assignment. Great lede, solid story flow, liberal use of quotes, small grafs, frequent attribution, yadda yadda yadda.

Admittedly, this wasn't exactly what was turned in. The person was very close to having a perfect story, and I made the changes that I suggested in the graded version of this person's story. Still, do take a look at it, compare it to your own work, and think about how this person did the story, and how you could incorporate some of the concepts shown strongly here:

  

            Reports of missing persons may not be as criminal as the public thought.

            According to statistics by the U.S. Justice Department, Michigan had 57,152 women, men and children reported missing in the last year, but East Lansing police said no more than 100 are crime victims.

            “I’ve worked around missing persons for the past 10 years, and it’s rare finding someone after more than a year,” East Lansing City Police Sgt. Manual Cortez said. “We find a lot of people disappear because they’ve got troubles, want to leave them behind and start over again.”

            Last year, three-fourths of the missing persons in Michigan have been cases of runaway juveniles, according to the justice department.

 Among missing juveniles, Cortez said those missing are typically 11 to 17-years-old, girls exceeding boys 3 to 1.

            A 14-year-old girl, Sabrina, who has asked for her last name to be unidentified, said she ran away from her home in East Lansing because her stepfather was a drunk and hit her mom.

            “My parents got divorced,” Sabrina said. “I hated my stepfather.”

            Sabrina then convinced a man she met to take her to New York, she said.

She said after police caught her shoplifting and prostituting, she returned to East Lansing with her mother. 

“She’s dropped the jerk, so it’s better now, just the two of us,” Sabrina said.

             According to the justice department, there were 450,700 children nationwide who ran away from home and juvenile facilities last year and 127,100 whose parents would not allow them to return.

Cortez said more adult men than adult women disappear due to their troubles.

Jason Abare, 31, is a case of a missing person who ran away from his problems. Abare, who was ordered to pay alimony and child support for four children, said he left the state to avoid paying.

Abare, who is in construction, said he could find a job almost anywhere.

He said he moved around a lot, figuring that no one could catch him if he skipped town regularly.

“It was easy, real easy,” he said. “If I liked where I was I’d stay a couple months, even a year.”

Abare said he was caught after a drunk driving charge and returned to Michigan.

Among the total number of missing persons in Michigan, 9,000 have yet to be found, according to the justice department.

*****

I made similar fixes with this one, which used an alternative lede: an anecdotal lede, which was also a delayed lede, taking several grafs to get to the nut graf:


*****

 Divorced and ordered to pay child support for his four children, East Lansing resident Jason Abare said he decided to skip town to avoid his problems.

He said he could find jobs as a carpenter in construction “real easy” and that he figured no one could ever find him, so after divorcing his wife Anne Abare of nine years, he was supposed to pay alimony and $840 a month for child support, but he “wasn't going to give her a penny, not with the hell that woman put [him] through.”

“I got caught last month, charged with drunken driving and didn't have a driver's license anymore, so they checked my [finger]prints and found out who I really was and returned me here. Bad luck, that's what it was, just bad luck,” he said.

Upon his return to East Lansing, he was charged with nonsupport and put in the East Lansing County Jail.

According to the U.S. Justice Department, out of the 57,152 men, women and children who were reported missing last year in Michigan, 48,384 -- including Abare -- sooner or later reappeared, were found, or recovered. 

    Nearly 9,000 people in Michigan remain missing, and no more than a total of 100 of them, according to police, were true crime victims: people apparently kidnapped, robbed or murdered.

            Those 48,384 who reappeared were mostly people who ran away from their problems: deadbeat dads and moms, people running from debts, young men and women running away with lovers with whom they were deeply in love with.

           “We find a lot of people disappear because they've got troubles, want to leave them behind and start over again. A lot of people think about it, and some do more than think about it. Normally it's more men than women, except among juveniles,” East Lansing Police Department Sgt. Manuel Cortez said, who has worked around missing persons for the past 10 years.

           Some of the missing people each year are children who run away and others are very old people with Alzheimer’s disease who wander some distance away from their homes without noticing.

          Michigan State University Psychology Professor Alan Christopher said “most adults will stick around and handle their problems, but a lot of kids think it's easier to run away. Or they just don't think.”

           Three-fourths of the missing people last year were juveniles. Nearly 6,500 have not yet been found or located, according to the justice department.
“They see some place on television, and it looks good, so they try to go there,” Christopher said.

            Nationwide, 450,700 children and teenagers were reported to have fled their homes, juvenile facilities and other places they were supposed to be living last year, according to the justice department. 

          “Among juveniles, runaway girls outnumber boys 3-1. Kids, particularly those 11 to 17, flee in [large groups],” Cortez said.

           A teenage girl who is a East Lansing resident, who spoke on the condition her last name not be used, said she ran away when her parents got divorced.

            “I hated my stepfather. He's a jerk. He got drunk and hit my mom and expected us to wait on him like we were his slaves,” the girl said.

            “I met this guy who was moving to New York. He didn't want to take me, said I was too young, but I got him to change his mind,” she said. “I was there for two years, then got caught shoplifting and prostituting and the cops somehow they came up with my real name and my mom came and got me. She's dropped the jerk, so it's better now.”

        She now lives just with her mom, whom she said she could talk to now.

        The statistics also said another 127,100 children and teenagers were “thrown away,” meaning their parents, guardians or whoever cared for them would not let them come back.

         It becomes harder to find a missing person as time goes by.

         “It's rare finding someone after more than a year,” Cortez said.

Missing: Another Good Example

Upon hearing the term, “missing,” most people seem to connect it to kidnappings, robberies and murders, right?

In reality, a majority of missing individuals in Michigan choose to disappear on their own-leaving behind past conflicts and responsibilities in an attempt to start a new life for themselves. 

According to the U.S. Justice Department, out of the 57,152 men, women and children reported missing last year in Michigan, about 9,000 remain missing and were never found. 

Out of these roughly 9,000 individuals, police said that they believe less than 100 people account for victims of crimes; they said the number could be as low as 40 or 50. 

“We find a lot of people disappear because they’ve got troubles, want to leave them behind and start over again,” Sgt. Manuel Cortez from the East Lansing Police Department said. 

Cortez said that men account for more adult runaways than women do. 

Among such individuals is Jason Abare, a 31-year-old man from East Lansing. Abare said that he left the state in order to escape paying $840 every month to his ex-wife for alimony and child support for his four children.

“I wasn’t going to give her a penny, not with the hell that woman put me through,” Abare said. 

Abare said that as a carpenter, he was able to find a job wherever he traveled. He said that he “drifted” from job to job, and sometimes he would only stay a few weeks before leaving again.  

Abare said that he thought no one would ever find him if he frequently changed his location. 

“It was easy, real easy,” Abare said during a jailhouse interview. 

Abare said he is currently in the county jail for charges of nonsupport because the police discovered his real identity after they charged him for drunken driving and he failed to present a drivers license last month.

Missing: Uh, Well ...

Some of you used quotes where the interview subject stammered. Like here:

"So, uh, I met this guy who was moving to New York. He didn't want to take me, said I was too young, but I, uh, got him to change his mind."

You may find the information to be useful, but the "uh's" are awkward. You have options on how to handle this.

First, you can translate the quotes into paraphrases, like this:

She said she met a man who was moving to New York City who didn't want to take her because she was too young, but she convinced him to change his mind.

Or, you could use quote fragments to work around the "um's" like this:

She said she "met this guy who was moving to New York. He didn't want to take me, said I was too young," but she "got him to change his mind."

Having a poorly-constructed quote doesn't mean you have to use a poorly-constructed quote. Our goal is to provide clarity to the reader, and the best way to do that is via a quote so the reader can see the subject's actual words.

But in lieu of that, making sure the information is clear and concise will suffice, as long as it's contextually correct and factually accurate and properly attributed.

Squirrels: Show Me, Don't Just Tell Me

Many of you were very light in offering quotes. Why?

Quotes are good. Quotes allow us to elaborate on things and to put a human voice in the conversation and to give readers the confidence that they're not just taking your word for it; there's somebody else saying something to support what you're claiming.

Look at the way a quote graf helps support and build upon the first graf in this sequence:

After pulling into a gas station to get help, Kasparov said the attendant found a nest containing three baby squirrels under Kasparov's hood.

"The attendant put up the hood and then jumped back exclaiming, 'My God, what have you got in there?'" Kasparov said.

The first graf tells your readers, based on your summarization of events. The second graf shows your readers, via the direct words of a direct participant.

Don't just tell readers. Show them.

RFTM Chapter 10: Quotations And Attribution

What do quotations do? They add color, interest and personality; they allow for a voice other than that of the writer; and they offer evidence of what the writer is concluding.

There are three types of quotations. The first is known as a direct quotation. That is a source's exact words, set inside quotation marks. For example:

Tom Izzo tells Omar Sofradzija, "You are a God-awful teacher." So, a direct quote of this would be, "You are a God-awful teacher," Tom Izzo said. Please note what is being said is EXACTLY what the speaker said, and the saying is entirely inside of quotation marks.


The second is an indirect quotation, also known as a paraphrase. This is when  the writer summarizes or paraphrases a source's words. A paraphrase is NOT placed inside of quotation marks. For example:

Tom Izzo tells Omar Sofradzija, "You are a God-awful teacher." So, an indirect quotation/paraphrase could be, Tom Izzo was critical of Omar Sofradzija's teaching skills. Please note that the sentence is a summary based on the quote, and no quotation marks are used at all.

The third is a partial quotation. This is when we select key phrases from a source's own words, setting just those phrases in quotation marks. For example:

Tom Izzo tells Omar Sofradzija, "You are a God-awful teacher," So, a partial quote could be, Tom Izzo described Omar Sofradzija's skills as "God-awful." Please note that the portion being used inside of quotation marks is EXACTLY what the speaker said, and is a portion that is critical in highlighting context and meaning.

When do we use quotations? To let a source essentially talk directly to a reader (it's not just the writer asking readers to take his or her word for it; he or she is sharing with the audience what was said directly from the source); when the writer can't improve upon the quotation or match its color, rythym, wit or emotion; to tie a controversial opinion or happening to a source; as evidence for the statement; and/or to reveal the speaker's character.

When do you use direct quotes? When such a quote illustrates a key point. The quote shouldn't necessarily tell the whole story.Often, we will summarize a major point, and then follow that summarization with a key quote to explain the idea or provide more specific detail.

For example:

Tom Izzo was promoted to MSU president Tuesday, and his first course of action was to fire journalism instructor Omar Sofradzija.

"You are a God-awful teacher," Izzo told Sofradzija.

See how the first graf sets up the second; the second underlines and supports the main point of the first, and the two grafs support each other?

When do you use indirect quotations? If a direct quote is weak, boring or confusing; when sources fail to state their ideas effectively or coherently, or when a source states the obvious.

For example, let's imagine the Izzo quote we've been using actually was "Omar, you know, uh, you're God-awful at teaching and stuff." Obviously, not a great quote to use, with all the "uh" and "you know" and what-not. So, perhaps you offer a summary that's true to the facts of the quote, like,  Izzo was highly critical of Sofradzija's teaching skills. No quote marks needed, intent expressed accurately but grammar cleaned up for clarity.

When do we use partial quotations? One could be used in the aforementioned situation by stripping a key, telling word or phrase from a shoddy or long quote, like this: Izzo described Sofradzija's teaching ability as "God-awful." We should use these very sparingly. Partial quotes can be awkward, wordy or unnecessary; they can be misleading or libelous if the partial quote changes meaning and context; and it leaves the audience suspicious of what you cut out.

Do you change quotations, to do things like correct grammatical errors? No. Never. NEVER EVER EVER. If it's inside of quotation marks, it should be EXACTLY what the person said. If Izzo said "I'm gonna fire you!" then it should be "gonna," not "going to." If the poor grammar bothers you that much or if you think it would be confusing to the audience, then consider a paraphrase or partial quote.

What is attribution? Attribution is labeling for your readers the person that was the source of information. For example, if we have a quote like, "I'm gonna fire you!" Tom Izzo said, the Tom Izzo said part of that is the attribution.

Attribution allows writers to rely on the expertise of their sources; for example, if you're writing a story about a house fire, attributing information to firefighters and witnesses and home occupants increases your credibility, because it's clear to readers that your information is coming from people who are very relevant to the fire. It builds credibility with readers.

It also allows readers to know and vet the reliability of your sources. (If you're doing a story about Tom Izzo quitting as basketball coach and statements are attributed to Tom Izzo, readers know it's solid. If it's attributed to his wife or assistant coaches, readers know it's from people who are in a position to know. If it's attributed to an eighth-grader living in Ann Arbor, not so much. If it's attributed to no one, who knows, then?)

What kinds of statements require attribution? For example:

Information you get from other people, such as from personal interviews: "I love donuts," Tom Izzo said.

Information you get from documents: Tom Izzo eats 150 donuts a day, according to medical records.

Information that was not offered to you first-hand, such as reports from other media: Tom Izzo was rejected as a Weight Watchers spokesman because of his donut-eating habits, according to CNN.

Information gathered online from Web sites: Tom Izzo has ballooned up to 400 pounds, according to ESPN.com. He is eating 150 donuts a day, Izzo said via his Twitter account.

Statements about controversial issues. Be sure to use quotes to make clear key story points: Izzo said donuts are healthy, contradicting scientific research. "If donuts were bad for you, they wouldn't taste so good," he said.

Statements of opinion. As neutral journalists, we need to be clear we're not offering an opinion; the people we're reporting on are: "Donuts are the greatest thing ever brought to earth by the little baby Jesus, which I prefer over the bearded older Jesus,"Tom Izzo said.

All direct and indirect quotations. We need to make sure readers know who is saying what, every time. 

Pretty much every paragraph after the lede and nut graf. The lede and nut graf are usually a summary of things from various sources, but after that point we need to be specific on bits of info. We'll get into how to do this a bit more when we move on to how to structure a story in the very near future.

What kinds of statements do NOT require attribution? Very few, actually. For example:

Undisputed facts. Like, the sun rises in the East every morning.

Things the reporter witnessed. If you're covering a football game, you don't need to say, MSU beat Notre Dame, 104-0, the scoreboard said. You were presumably watching the game from the press box; you could simply say, MSU beat Notre Dame 104-0, and leave it at that.

Guidelines for the placement and frequency of attribution: Attribution can be at the beginning or the end of a sentence (for example, Izzo said Michigan sucks, or Michigan sucks, Izzo said.)

But it should not interrupt a sentence or thought (for example, don't say, The University of Michigan sucks, Izzo said, because they are wimps, with the attribution at mid-sentence. Instead, put the attribution at the start or end of the sentence, like this: Izzo said the University of Michigan sucks because they are wimps, or The University of Michigan sucks because they are wimps, Izzo said.)

Attribution should be placed at the start of any paragraph where there is a change in speaker, to avoid confusion on the part of the reader as to who is saying what.

So, let's say you had a paragraph where you were attributing things to Omar Sofradzija, followed by a graf where you're attributing Tom Izzo. That Izzo graf should begin with, Tom Izzo said, since there is a change in speaker from Omar to Izzo.

Word choice in attributing statements: you cannot say said enough. It cannot be overused. I know in English comp you're taught to mix it up; someone said, then exclaimed, then stated, and whatever.

In journalistic writing, we strive for simplicity. And attributing statements are simple tags, so we try to keep the language simple and direct and consistent. So, if someone said something, just say said.

I know it's gonna look weird to you, having graf after graf that says so-and-so said this, and said that, and said some more. But again, we're striving for simplicity and consistency' not creativity in a word that's nothing more than a simple label.

There are different levels of attribution. The most basic one is known as on the record. That means everything the source says may be published and quoted directly, and that the source may be fully identified by name and title. Reporters should try to keep all or as much as possible on the record.

So, if for example you're interviewing Tom Izzo on the record, anything he says can be used in your story,  and can be attributed to him by name and title. 

Then, there is off the record. And young journalists are usually confused on what this means, so please pay careful attention here: it means everything a source says CANNOT be used by a reporter. This is often confused with on background or not for attribution, which we'll get into in a moment.

Why would we talk to people off the record, if we can't use what they say? Often, it's done in an effort to gain context and confirm facts from sources that are not authorized to talk about something. Reporters should NEVER use off the record statements as the sole basis for news stories. Rather, use it as a springboard to corroborate facts through sources you can cite, like other sources or documents or whatever.

(For example, if Tom Izzo tells you off the record that Omar Sofradzija is being arrested for shoplifting, you can check police reports for such an arrest, or ask Omar's mom if he's in any trouble with the law.)

Now, let's get to on background or not for attribution, which young journalists frequently confuse with off the record. On background or not for attribution means everything the source says MAY be published and quoted, BUT the reporter may not attribute the statements to teh source by name. This is the typical anonymous source situation.

The reporter MAY describe the source by position in a general way that does not reveal a specific position incidentally, but that does indicate some level of credibility.

(For example, if Tom, Izzo tells you not for attribution that Omar Sofradzija is being fired, you could source it like, A high-ranking MSU official who asked for anonymity said Omar Sofradzija will be fired as a school instructor.)

(When doing so, make sure you don't reveal too much information about the source where you create a virtual identification. Case in point: a few years ago, a newspaper out West did an expose on a corrupt city hall, using an unnamed city hall official as the source. At times in the story, the source was referred to as she. Problem was, there was only one female employee in all of that city hall. Guess who lost their job, and then sued the newspaper for breaching a confidentiality promise?)

If you promise a source anonymity, then that promise is absolute. The only person you may tell is your editor, and then he or he is also bound not to tell anyone. And I mean anyone: not coworkers, not friends, not sources, and not judges, even when they threaten you with jail time for contempt of court (a situation most reporters never face, but one I faced twice early in my professional career).

In general, use anonymous sources sparingly. Please review guidelines on p. 291 in Reporting For The Media for tips. 

Guidelines for capitalizing and punctuating quotations. First, where do we put the traditional double quotation marks (")? Quotation marks only go around the actual quote, and not the attribution. Teh attribution should remain outside the quotation marks. For example: "I love basketball," Tom Izzo said. Not like this: "I love basketball, Tom Izzo said."

When a quote is before attribution, then the quote should end with a comma, then the quotation mark, then the attribution, and then a period after the attribution, like this: "I love basketball," Tom Izzo said. Not like this: "I love basketball." Tom Izzo said.

When the attribution is before the quotation, then the attribution should be followed by a comma, then the quotation mark, then the quote, and then the period at the end of the quote, like this: Tom Izzo said, "I love basketball."

Now, there are times when you have a quote within a quote, like if Tom Izzo is quoting someone, and then you quote Izzo quoting the quote. When we have a quote inside a quote, the inside-quote gets single quotation marks (') and the full quote gets the traditional double marks (").

So, a quote-inside-a-quote combo could look like this: "Forrest Gump once said, 'I gotta pee,'" Tom Izzo said. The double quotation marks are around everything Izzo said, including the quote he quoted. And the quote he quotes from Forrest Gump is inside single quotation marks, which at the end creates the appearance of a triple quotation mark. Which looks weird, but it's correct.

Regarding capitalization, we should capitalize the first word in a quotation that is a complete sentence. For example, we would say, "That's my donut," Tom Izzo said, or Tom Izzo said, "That's my donut," with the first letter of the quote capitalized.

But we do not capitalize the first word in a partial quotation, unless it's at the start of a sentence. So, let's say we're partially quoting Tom Izzo saying "The Wolverines, you know, can suck it and stuff." If we had a partial quotation in the middle or end of a sentence, then we do lower-case: Tom Izzo said, "suck it" to the University of Michigan, or Tom Izzo said the University of Michigan can "suck it."

But if we start the sentence with the partial quote, then it's caps, like this: "Suck it," Tom Izzo said of the University of Michigan.

Any questions? Be sure to call or email or visit me.

Missing: Good Examples

... of this assignment. Great lede, solid story flow, liberal use of quotes, small grafs, frequent attribution, yadda yadda yadda.

Admittedly, this wasn't exactly what was turned in. The person was very close to having a perfect story, and I made the changes that I suggested in the graded version of this person's story. Still, do take a look at it, compare it to your own work, and think about how this person did the story, and how you could incorporate some of the concepts shown strongly here:

  

            Reports of missing persons may not be as criminal as the public thought.

            According to statistics by the U.S. Justice Department, Michigan had 57,152 women, men and children reported missing in the last year, but East Lansing police said no more than 100 are crime victims.

            “I’ve worked around missing persons for the past 10 years, and it’s rare finding someone after more than a year,” East Lansing City Police Sgt. Manual Cortez said. “We find a lot of people disappear because they’ve got troubles, want to leave them behind and start over again.”

            Last year, three-fourths of the missing persons in Michigan have been cases of runaway juveniles, according to the justice department.

 Among missing juveniles, Cortez said those missing are typically 11 to 17-years-old, girls exceeding boys 3 to 1.

            A 14-year-old girl, Sabrina, who has asked for her last name to be unidentified, said she ran away from her home in East Lansing because her stepfather was a drunk and hit her mom.

            “My parents got divorced,” Sabrina said. “I hated my stepfather.”

            Sabrina then convinced a man she met to take her to New York, she said.

She said after police caught her shoplifting and prostituting, she returned to East Lansing with her mother. 

“She’s dropped the jerk, so it’s better now, just the two of us,” Sabrina said.

             According to the justice department, there were 450,700 children nationwide who ran away from home and juvenile facilities last year and 127,100 whose parents would not allow them to return.

Cortez said more adult men than adult women disappear due to their troubles.

Jason Abare, 31, is a case of a missing person who ran away from his problems. Abare, who was ordered to pay alimony and child support for four children, said he left the state to avoid paying.

Abare, who is in construction, said he could find a job almost anywhere.

He said he moved around a lot, figuring that no one could catch him if he skipped town regularly.

“It was easy, real easy,” he said. “If I liked where I was I’d stay a couple months, even a year.”

Abare said he was caught after a drunk driving charge and returned to Michigan.

Among the total number of missing persons in Michigan, 9,000 have yet to be found, according to the justice department.

*****

I made similar fixes with this one, which used an alternative lede: an anecdotal lede, which was also a delayed lede, taking several grafs to get to the nut graf:


*****

 Divorced and ordered to pay child support for his four children, East Lansing resident Jason Abare said he decided to skip town to avoid his problems.

He said he could find jobs as a carpenter in construction “real easy” and that he figured no one could ever find him, so after divorcing his wife Anne Abare of nine years, he was supposed to pay alimony and $840 a month for child support, but he “wasn't going to give her a penny, not with the hell that woman put [him] through.”

“I got caught last month, charged with drunken driving and didn't have a driver's license anymore, so they checked my [finger]prints and found out who I really was and returned me here. Bad luck, that's what it was, just bad luck,” he said.

Upon his return to East Lansing, he was charged with nonsupport and put in the East Lansing County Jail.

According to the U.S. Justice Department, out of the 57,152 men, women and children who were reported missing last year in Michigan, 48,384 -- including Abare -- sooner or later reappeared, were found, or recovered. 

    Nearly 9,000 people in Michigan remain missing, and no more than a total of 100 of them, according to police, were true crime victims: people apparently kidnapped, robbed or murdered.

            Those 48,384 who reappeared were mostly people who ran away from their problems: deadbeat dads and moms, people running from debts, young men and women running away with lovers with whom they were deeply in love with.

           “We find a lot of people disappear because they've got troubles, want to leave them behind and start over again. A lot of people think about it, and some do more than think about it. Normally it's more men than women, except among juveniles,” East Lansing Police Department Sgt. Manuel Cortez said, who has worked around missing persons for the past 10 years.

           Some of the missing people each year are children who run away and others are very old people with Alzheimer’s disease who wander some distance away from their homes without noticing.

          Michigan State University Psychology Professor Alan Christopher said “most adults will stick around and handle their problems, but a lot of kids think it's easier to run away. Or they just don't think.”

           Three-fourths of the missing people last year were juveniles. Nearly 6,500 have not yet been found or located, according to the justice department.
“They see some place on television, and it looks good, so they try to go there,” Christopher said.

            Nationwide, 450,700 children and teenagers were reported to have fled their homes, juvenile facilities and other places they were supposed to be living last year, according to the justice department. 

          “Among juveniles, runaway girls outnumber boys 3-1. Kids, particularly those 11 to 17, flee in [large groups],” Cortez said.

           A teenage girl who is a East Lansing resident, who spoke on the condition her last name not be used, said she ran away when her parents got divorced.

            “I hated my stepfather. He's a jerk. He got drunk and hit my mom and expected us to wait on him like we were his slaves,” the girl said.

            “I met this guy who was moving to New York. He didn't want to take me, said I was too young, but I got him to change his mind,” she said. “I was there for two years, then got caught shoplifting and prostituting and the cops somehow they came up with my real name and my mom came and got me. She's dropped the jerk, so it's better now.”

        She now lives just with her mom, whom she said she could talk to now.

        The statistics also said another 127,100 children and teenagers were “thrown away,” meaning their parents, guardians or whoever cared for them would not let them come back.

         It becomes harder to find a missing person as time goes by.

         “It's rare finding someone after more than a year,” Cortez said.

Missing: Another Good Example

Upon hearing the term, “missing,” most people seem to connect it to kidnappings, robberies and murders, right?

In reality, a majority of missing individuals in Michigan choose to disappear on their own-leaving behind past conflicts and responsibilities in an attempt to start a new life for themselves. 

According to the U.S. Justice Department, out of the 57,152 men, women and children reported missing last year in Michigan, about 9,000 remain missing and were never found. 

Out of these roughly 9,000 individuals, police said that they believe less than 100 people account for victims of crimes; they said the number could be as low as 40 or 50. 

“We find a lot of people disappear because they’ve got troubles, want to leave them behind and start over again,” Sgt. Manuel Cortez from the East Lansing Police Department said. 

Cortez said that men account for more adult runaways than women do. 

Among such individuals is Jason Abare, a 31-year-old man from East Lansing. Abare said that he left the state in order to escape paying $840 every month to his ex-wife for alimony and child support for his four children.

“I wasn’t going to give her a penny, not with the hell that woman put me through,” Abare said. 

Abare said that as a carpenter, he was able to find a job wherever he traveled. He said that he “drifted” from job to job, and sometimes he would only stay a few weeks before leaving again.  

Abare said that he thought no one would ever find him if he frequently changed his location. 

“It was easy, real easy,” Abare said during a jailhouse interview. 

Abare said he is currently in the county jail for charges of nonsupport because the police discovered his real identity after they charged him for drunken driving and he failed to present a drivers license last month.

Missing: Uh, Well ...

Some of you used quotes where the interview subject stammered. Like here:

"So, uh, I met this guy who was moving to New York. He didn't want to take me, said I was too young, but I, uh, got him to change his mind."

You may find the information to be useful, but the "uh's" are awkward. You have options on how to handle this.

First, you can translate the quotes into paraphrases, like this:

She said she met a man who was moving to New York City who didn't want to take her because she was too young, but she convinced him to change his mind.

Or, you could use quote fragments to work around the "um's" like this:

She said she "met this guy who was moving to New York. He didn't want to take me, said I was too young," but she "got him to change his mind."

Having a poorly-constructed quote doesn't mean you have to use a poorly-constructed quote. Our goal is to provide clarity to the reader, and the best way to do that is via a quote so the reader can see the subject's actual words.

But in lieu of that, making sure the information is clear and concise will suffice, as long as it's contextually correct and factually accurate and properly attributed.

Squirrels: A Story I Liked

With each of these lede/nut graf sequences, the writers followed by offering the fact/quote sequences that we talked about earlier. So does this story -- which I will show you in its complete form -- that starts with an alternative lede, then goes to two nut grafs, then launches into the compartmentalized individual examples. This is a good structure which to aspire to:

       In Lansing, there is a new addition to the squirrel’s diet — electrical wires.

       The squirrels on Lansing Community College’s campus have been making homes and feeding on the electrical wires in cars on campus.

       The damage from the squirrels is costing students and staff money to replace ruined wires.

       LCC dietitian Linda Kasparov said an attendant at a service station found a squirrel’s nest as the cause of broken a oil-pressure gauge, speedometer and headlights on Kasparov’s car.

        “The attendant put up the hood and then jumped back exclaiming, ‘My God, what have you got in there!’” Kasparov said.

       Kasparov said the attendant found three baby squirrels in a nest built of string, sticks and plastic bags. 

       Kasparov said the damage cost her more than $400.

       Laura Ruffenboch, a wildlife professor at LCC, said the soybean-based insulation on many electrical wires may be appealing to the squirrels.

        Ruffenboch said squirrels building nests in a car which is used regularly is an uncommon phenomenon.

       Oliver Brookes, an associate professor of English at LCC, also said he found a squirrel’s nest under the hood of his car.

       “There was a big squirrels nest in the corner where the light wires were,” Brookes said.

       Brookes said the squirrels chewed through the headlight wiring in his car, which cost more than $180 to replace.

Squirrels: Show Me, Don't Just Tell Me

Many of you were very light in offering quotes. Why?

Quotes are good. Quotes allow us to elaborate on things and to put a human voice in the conversation and to give readers the confidence that they're not just taking your word for it; there's somebody else saying something to support what you're claiming.

Look at the way a quote graf helps support and build upon the first graf in this sequence:

After pulling into a gas station to get help, Kasparov said the attendant found a nest containing three baby squirrels under Kasparov's hood.

"The attendant put up the hood and then jumped back exclaiming, 'My God, what have you got in there?'" Kasparov said.

The first graf tells your readers, based on your summarization of events. The second graf shows your readers, via the direct words of a direct participant.

Don't just tell readers. Show them.

RFTM Chapter 10: Quotations And Attribution

What do quotations do? They add color, interest and personality; they allow for a voice other than that of the writer; and they offer evidence of what the writer is concluding.

There are three types of quotations. The first is known as a direct quotation. That is a source's exact words, set inside quotation marks. For example:

Tom Izzo tells Omar Sofradzija, "You are a God-awful teacher." So, a direct quote of this would be, "You are a God-awful teacher," Tom Izzo said. Please note what is being said is EXACTLY what the speaker said, and the saying is entirely inside of quotation marks.


The second is an indirect quotation, also known as a paraphrase. This is when  the writer summarizes or paraphrases a source's words. A paraphrase is NOT placed inside of quotation marks. For example:

Tom Izzo tells Omar Sofradzija, "You are a God-awful teacher." So, an indirect quotation/paraphrase could be, Tom Izzo was critical of Omar Sofradzija's teaching skills. Please note that the sentence is a summary based on the quote, and no quotation marks are used at all.

The third is a partial quotation. This is when we select key phrases from a source's own words, setting just those phrases in quotation marks. For example:

Tom Izzo tells Omar Sofradzija, "You are a God-awful teacher," So, a partial quote could be, Tom Izzo described Omar Sofradzija's skills as "God-awful." Please note that the portion being used inside of quotation marks is EXACTLY what the speaker said, and is a portion that is critical in highlighting context and meaning.

When do we use quotations? To let a source essentially talk directly to a reader (it's not just the writer asking readers to take his or her word for it; he or she is sharing with the audience what was said directly from the source); when the writer can't improve upon the quotation or match its color, rythym, wit or emotion; to tie a controversial opinion or happening to a source; as evidence for the statement; and/or to reveal the speaker's character.

When do you use direct quotes? When such a quote illustrates a key point. The quote shouldn't necessarily tell the whole story.Often, we will summarize a major point, and then follow that summarization with a key quote to explain the idea or provide more specific detail.

For example:

Tom Izzo was promoted to MSU president Tuesday, and his first course of action was to fire journalism instructor Omar Sofradzija.

"You are a God-awful teacher," Izzo told Sofradzija.

See how the first graf sets up the second; the second underlines and supports the main point of the first, and the two grafs support each other?

When do you use indirect quotations? If a direct quote is weak, boring or confusing; when sources fail to state their ideas effectively or coherently, or when a source states the obvious.

For example, let's imagine the Izzo quote we've been using actually was "Omar, you know, uh, you're God-awful at teaching and stuff." Obviously, not a great quote to use, with all the "uh" and "you know" and what-not. So, perhaps you offer a summary that's true to the facts of the quote, like,  Izzo was highly critical of Sofradzija's teaching skills. No quote marks needed, intent expressed accurately but grammar cleaned up for clarity.

When do we use partial quotations? One could be used in the aforementioned situation by stripping a key, telling word or phrase from a shoddy or long quote, like this: Izzo described Sofradzija's teaching ability as "God-awful." We should use these very sparingly. Partial quotes can be awkward, wordy or unnecessary; they can be misleading or libelous if the partial quote changes meaning and context; and it leaves the audience suspicious of what you cut out.

Do you change quotations, to do things like correct grammatical errors? No. Never. NEVER EVER EVER. If it's inside of quotation marks, it should be EXACTLY what the person said. If Izzo said "I'm gonna fire you!" then it should be "gonna," not "going to." If the poor grammar bothers you that much or if you think it would be confusing to the audience, then consider a paraphrase or partial quote.

What is attribution? Attribution is labeling for your readers the person that was the source of information. For example, if we have a quote like, "I'm gonna fire you!" Tom Izzo said, the Tom Izzo said part of that is the attribution.

Attribution allows writers to rely on the expertise of their sources; for example, if you're writing a story about a house fire, attributing information to firefighters and witnesses and home occupants increases your credibility, because it's clear to readers that your information is coming from people who are very relevant to the fire. It builds credibility with readers.

It also allows readers to know and vet the reliability of your sources. (If you're doing a story about Tom Izzo quitting as basketball coach and statements are attributed to Tom Izzo, readers know it's solid. If it's attributed to his wife or assistant coaches, readers know it's from people who are in a position to know. If it's attributed to an eighth-grader living in Ann Arbor, not so much. If it's attributed to no one, who knows, then?)

What kinds of statements require attribution? For example:

Information you get from other people, such as from personal interviews: "I love donuts," Tom Izzo said.

Information you get from documents: Tom Izzo eats 150 donuts a day, according to medical records.

Information that was not offered to you first-hand, such as reports from other media: Tom Izzo was rejected as a Weight Watchers spokesman because of his donut-eating habits, according to CNN.

Information gathered online from Web sites: Tom Izzo has ballooned up to 400 pounds, according to ESPN.com. He is eating 150 donuts a day, Izzo said via his Twitter account.

Statements about controversial issues. Be sure to use quotes to make clear key story points: Izzo said donuts are healthy, contradicting scientific research. "If donuts were bad for you, they wouldn't taste so good," he said.

Statements of opinion. As neutral journalists, we need to be clear we're not offering an opinion; the people we're reporting on are: "Donuts are the greatest thing ever brought to earth by the little baby Jesus, which I prefer over the bearded older Jesus,"Tom Izzo said.

All direct and indirect quotations. We need to make sure readers know who is saying what, every time. 

Pretty much every paragraph after the lede and nut graf. The lede and nut graf are usually a summary of things from various sources, but after that point we need to be specific on bits of info. We'll get into how to do this a bit more when we move on to how to structure a story in the very near future.

What kinds of statements do NOT require attribution? Very few, actually. For example:

Undisputed facts. Like, the sun rises in the East every morning.

Things the reporter witnessed. If you're covering a football game, you don't need to say, MSU beat Notre Dame, 104-0, the scoreboard said. You were presumably watching the game from the press box; you could simply say, MSU beat Notre Dame 104-0, and leave it at that.

Guidelines for the placement and frequency of attribution: Attribution can be at the beginning or the end of a sentence (for example, Izzo said Michigan sucks, or Michigan sucks, Izzo said.)

But it should not interrupt a sentence or thought (for example, don't say, The University of Michigan sucks, Izzo said, because they are wimps, with the attribution at mid-sentence. Instead, put the attribution at the start or end of the sentence, like this: Izzo said the University of Michigan sucks because they are wimps, or The University of Michigan sucks because they are wimps, Izzo said.)

Attribution should be placed at the start of any paragraph where there is a change in speaker, to avoid confusion on the part of the reader as to who is saying what.

So, let's say you had a paragraph where you were attributing things to Omar Sofradzija, followed by a graf where you're attributing Tom Izzo. That Izzo graf should begin with, Tom Izzo said, since there is a change in speaker from Omar to Izzo.

Word choice in attributing statements: you cannot say said enough. It cannot be overused. I know in English comp you're taught to mix it up; someone said, then exclaimed, then stated, and whatever.

In journalistic writing, we strive for simplicity. And attributing statements are simple tags, so we try to keep the language simple and direct and consistent. So, if someone said something, just say said.

I know it's gonna look weird to you, having graf after graf that says so-and-so said this, and said that, and said some more. But again, we're striving for simplicity and consistency' not creativity in a word that's nothing more than a simple label.

There are different levels of attribution. The most basic one is known as on the record. That means everything the source says may be published and quoted directly, and that the source may be fully identified by name and title. Reporters should try to keep all or as much as possible on the record.

So, if for example you're interviewing Tom Izzo on the record, anything he says can be used in your story,  and can be attributed to him by name and title. 

Then, there is off the record. And young journalists are usually confused on what this means, so please pay careful attention here: it means everything a source says CANNOT be used by a reporter. This is often confused with on background or not for attribution, which we'll get into in a moment.

Why would we talk to people off the record, if we can't use what they say? Often, it's done in an effort to gain context and confirm facts from sources that are not authorized to talk about something. Reporters should NEVER use off the record statements as the sole basis for news stories. Rather, use it as a springboard to corroborate facts through sources you can cite, like other sources or documents or whatever.

(For example, if Tom Izzo tells you off the record that Omar Sofradzija is being arrested for shoplifting, you can check police reports for such an arrest, or ask Omar's mom if he's in any trouble with the law.)

Now, let's get to on background or not for attribution, which young journalists frequently confuse with off the record. On background or not for attribution means everything the source says MAY be published and quoted, BUT the reporter may not attribute the statements to teh source by name. This is the typical anonymous source situation.

The reporter MAY describe the source by position in a general way that does not reveal a specific position incidentally, but that does indicate some level of credibility.

(For example, if Tom, Izzo tells you not for attribution that Omar Sofradzija is being fired, you could source it like, A high-ranking MSU official who asked for anonymity said Omar Sofradzija will be fired as a school instructor.)

(When doing so, make sure you don't reveal too much information about the source where you create a virtual identification. Case in point: a few years ago, a newspaper out West did an expose on a corrupt city hall, using an unnamed city hall official as the source. At times in the story, the source was referred to as she. Problem was, there was only one female employee in all of that city hall. Guess who lost their job, and then sued the newspaper for breaching a confidentiality promise?)

If you promise a source anonymity, then that promise is absolute. The only person you may tell is your editor, and then he or he is also bound not to tell anyone. And I mean anyone: not coworkers, not friends, not sources, and not judges, even when they threaten you with jail time for contempt of court (a situation most reporters never face, but one I faced twice early in my professional career).

In general, use anonymous sources sparingly. Please review guidelines on p. 291 in Reporting For The Media for tips. 

Guidelines for capitalizing and punctuating quotations. First, where do we put the traditional double quotation marks (")? Quotation marks only go around the actual quote, and not the attribution. Teh attribution should remain outside the quotation marks. For example: "I love basketball," Tom Izzo said. Not like this: "I love basketball, Tom Izzo said."

When a quote is before attribution, then the quote should end with a comma, then the quotation mark, then the attribution, and then a period after the attribution, like this: "I love basketball," Tom Izzo said. Not like this: "I love basketball." Tom Izzo said.

When the attribution is before the quotation, then the attribution should be followed by a comma, then the quotation mark, then the quote, and then the period at the end of the quote, like this: Tom Izzo said, "I love basketball."

Now, there are times when you have a quote within a quote, like if Tom Izzo is quoting someone, and then you quote Izzo quoting the quote. When we have a quote inside a quote, the inside-quote gets single quotation marks (') and the full quote gets the traditional double marks (").

So, a quote-inside-a-quote combo could look like this: "Forrest Gump once said, 'I gotta pee,'" Tom Izzo said. The double quotation marks are around everything Izzo said, including the quote he quoted. And the quote he quotes from Forrest Gump is inside single quotation marks, which at the end creates the appearance of a triple quotation mark. Which looks weird, but it's correct.

Regarding capitalization, we should capitalize the first word in a quotation that is a complete sentence. For example, we would say, "That's my donut," Tom Izzo said, or Tom Izzo said, "That's my donut," with the first letter of the quote capitalized.

But we do not capitalize the first word in a partial quotation, unless it's at the start of a sentence. So, let's say we're partially quoting Tom Izzo saying "The Wolverines, you know, can suck it and stuff." If we had a partial quotation in the middle or end of a sentence, then we do lower-case: Tom Izzo said, "suck it" to the University of Michigan, or Tom Izzo said the University of Michigan can "suck it."

But if we start the sentence with the partial quote, then it's caps, like this: "Suck it," Tom Izzo said of the University of Michigan.

Any questions? Be sure to call or email or visit me.