Let's look at one person's work, pre-rewrite and post-rewrite (which was very well-done). First, the pre-rewrite, with my comments included:
(NAME REDACTED)
Oct. 15, 2013
Out-of-Class Story #1
Study Abroad
Every
year Michigan State University sends over 3,000 of its students across the
globe to more than 60 countries, according to the MSU Office of Study Abroad.
The
choice to travel to a foreign country while earning college credit can entail a
great amount of option-weighing and decision-making for students. It is something that leads many students to
explore its different costs and benefits, while choosing the program that is
right for them.
“We
sit down students to find out what is going to best suit their academic needs
and what they are most interested in,” MSU Office of Study Abroad
Communications Manager Cheryl Brenner said.
“It is very individualized to students so that they are getting the best
experience.”
MSU
Junior Hannah Engwall said her interest to participate in the Visual
Communications and Infographics Program in Spain this past summer was sparked
after learning that one of her professors was to be an advisor for the trip.
“It
was something I knew I have always wanted to do. I chose my particular program because of Karl
Gude,” Engwall said. “I had his class
and really liked him.”
Aside
from finding a program that interests them, cost also plays a huge role in
their decision, as some students have less financial flexibility than others,
Brenner said and according to OSA, are generally within the thousand dollar THOUSAND-DOLLAR IS HYPHENATED range.
ARE
THOSE JUST THE PROGRAM COSTS? WHAT ABOUT ROOM AND BOARD AND TRAVEL? ARE THOSE INCLUDED?
IF NOT, HOW MUCH EXTRA MIGHT THAT ADD? WHAT ABOUT INCIDENTAL EXPENSES?
“It
was a little bit of a financial crunch but I did apply for scholarships through
the College of Communications Arts and Sciences and got a couple thousand
dollars,” Engwall said.
HOW
MUCH IS THAT COVERING, AND HOW MUCH IS SHE EXPECTING TO SPEND IN TOTAL?
Jessica
Metti, a sophomore at MSU, said that for her, cost is a large factor that keeps
her on the fence about committing to a program.
“Even
though studying abroad sounds like a great idea, I don’t know if I could pay
for it,” Metti said. “Especially because
flights are so expensive.”
WHAT
IS SHE DOING OR CONSIDERING TO HELP PAY FOR SUCH A TRIP? HOW DOES SHE PAY FOR
SCHOOL?
According
to Brenner there are ways to lighten the financial load, as long as students
are willing to put in the effort and seek options.
“They
can use their financial aid if they are getting it on campus,” Brenner
said. “There are a lot of scholarship
opportunities out there. Each college
has their own scholarships and then there are scholarships outside of MSU too.”
Something
else that can come into play while making the decision to travel abroad is the
thought of culture shock and even homesickness.
Despite
her excitement for the program, Engwall said there were times in which she
experienced a sense of unfamiliarity while in Spain.
“It
was really hard for me to be in a place that I didn’t speak the language,”
Engwall said. “I didn’t ever really feel
at home because everything sounded so foreign to me.”
As
a possible participant, Metti said that if she were to travel abroad for an
entire semester as planned, it would be quite the adjustment.
“I’m
really close with my family and pets and I know it would be hard to be so far
away from them,” Metti said. “I would
have to take time to get used to my surrounds DID YOU MEAN, SURROUNDINGS? and the culture I am going to be living
in.”
Overall,
Engwall said that she recommends studying abroad to fellow students, as it
allowed her to broaden her view of the world.
“It
taught me a lot of skills beyond academics like international travel and
interacting with diverse groups of people,” Engwall said.
Similarly,
Metti said that she believes studying abroad would be an experience to learn
from while traveling to different countries.
The
courses offered by the MSU Office of Study Abroad vary year by year, as some
programs decrease in interest or demand with students, Brenner said and can be
anything from Technology and Culture: Communication and Games in Korea to
Sustainable Food, Environment and Social Systems in Australia, according to
OSA.
“We
get new programs every year, and with those some get inactivated that haven’t
been popular or that do not have a faculty lead,” Brenner said. “This will
happen during the summer that way we have a good solid roster for the upcoming
year.”
Course
quality also does not change when classes through the Office of Study Abroad
are taught overseas at a foreign university, Brenner said.
According
to Brenner, courses go through a strict process when getting approved to be a part of a program, as each college
has to approve the program, and analyze the course work before it is sent to
the study abroad office, where they look at all the logistical aspects.
HOW
DO STUDENTS WHO HAVE DONE THIS RATE THEIR EXPERIENCES, GOOD OR BAD? DOES MSU
SURVEY THEM? ARE THERE EVER PROBLEMS, LIKE ILLNESS OR CRIME OR ACCIDENTS? PLUS,
WHAT ARE THE SIDE BONUSES, IN TERMS OF SOCIAL ACITVITY AND SUCH WHILE ABROAD?
ASSIGNMENT
GRADE: (GRADE REDACTED)
INSTRUCTOR
COMMENTS: A SOLID START, BUT ANSWERING SOME OF THOSE AFOREMENTIONED QUESTIONS
WOULD PUSH THIS STORY EVEN FURTHER INTO SOLID TERRITORY. PLUS, DON’T WORRY SO
MUCH! STRUCTURE WAS SOLID.
Word count: 755
Sources:
Cheryl Benner,
Michigan State University Office of Study Abroad Communications Manager
517-432-5166
Hannah Engwall, Michigan State University student
engwallh@msu.edu
586-623-2967
Jessica Metti, Michigan State University student
586-822-6980
Michigan State University, Office of Study Abroad
*****
... now, the rewrite ...
*****
(NAME REDACTED)
Oct. 24, 2013
Out-of-Class Story #1 Rewrite
Study Abroad
Every
year Michigan State University sends over 3,000 of its students across the
globe to more than 60 countries, according to the MSU Office of Study Abroad.
The
choice to travel to a foreign country while earning college credit can entail a
great amount of option-weighing and decision-making for students. It is something that leads many students to
explore its different costs and benefits, while choosing the program that is
right for them.
“We
sit down students to find out what is going to best suit their academic needs
and what they are most interested in,” MSU Office of Study Abroad
Communications Manager Cheryl Brenner said.
“It is very individualized to students so that they are getting the best
experience.”
MSU
Junior Hannah Engwall said her interest to participate in the Visual
Communications and Infographics Program in Spain this past summer was sparked
after learning that one of her professors was to be an advisor for the trip.
“It
was something I knew I have always wanted to do. I chose my particular program because of Karl
Gude,” Engwall said. “I had his class
and really liked him.”
Aside
from finding a program that interests them, cost also plays a huge role in
their decision, as some students have less financial flexibility than others,
Brenner said.
According to Brenner, there are a number of
components that accumulate to the final cost of studying aboard. Program fees alone are generally within the
thousand-dollar range but can vary in what it actually covers.
“A
program fee can include, airfare, tuition, and board,” Brenner said. “However, most do not cover things such as
meals, passport fees and incidentals which can increase trip costs depending on
the program.”
In
total, Engwall said she was was expecting to spend around $8,000 to $10,000 for
entire trip including airfare, program fees, and tuition. With scholarships and budget, she said she
managed to keep her trip cost on the lower end of that range.
“It
was a little bit of a financial crunch but I did apply for scholarships through
the College of Communications Arts and Sciences,” Engwall said. “One for $1,000
and one for $750 which both could be used for anything on the trip. I used them
to cover tuition for the credits I took in Spain.”
Jessica
Metti, a sophomore at MSU, said that for her, cost is a large factor that keeps
her on the fence about committing to a program.
“Even
though studying abroad sounds like a great idea, I don’t know if I could pay for
it,” Metti said. “Especially because
flights are so expensive.”
Metti
said she has considered looking for a second job on campus position, in
addition to her current job to help cover the cost of the trip.
“I
would definitely look for another way to make a little extra money if I could,
like another job or something” Metti said.
“Maybe even try to find a few scholarships to pay for some things too.”
According
to Brenner there are ways to lighten the financial load, as long as students
are willing to put in the effort and seek options.
“They
can use their financial aid if they are getting it on campus,” Brenner
said. “There are a lot of scholarship
opportunities out there. Each college
has their own scholarships and then there are scholarships outside of MSU too.”
Something
else that can come into play while making the decision to travel abroad is the
thought of culture shock and even homesickness.
Despite
her excitement for the program, Engwall said there were times in which she
experienced a sense of unfamiliarity while in Spain.
“It
was really hard for me to be in a place that I didn’t speak the language,”
Engwall said. “I didn’t ever really feel
at home because everything sounded so foreign to me.”
As
a possible participant, Metti said that if she were to travel abroad for an
entire semester as planned, it would be quite the adjustment.
“I’m
really close with my family and pets and I know it would be hard to be so far
away from them,” Metti said. “I would
have to take time to get used to my surroundings and the culture I am going to
be living in.”
For
those concerned about their safety while abroad, Brenner said that although
they have had incidents where students have been injured or items have been
stolen, the office has a staff member dedicated for these issues.
“We
actually have a staff member, Ben Chamberlain, who students can call 24-7 if
there are any problems,” Brenner said.
“If he doesn’t answer for some reason, their call will automatically get
rerouted to the police department.”
Once
students have returned from their trip, they are surveyed by OSA and asked to
rate their experiences, according to Brenner.
“They
are asked to fill out an evaluation form online sponsored by the college of
their program,” Brenner said. “A certain
portion of it is kept confidential and the other portion is made public in
which students can look up ratings for a specific program in our resource
room.”
Overall,
Engwall said that she recommends studying abroad to fellow students, as it
allowed her to broaden her view of the world.
“It
taught me a lot of skills beyond academics like international travel and
interacting with diverse groups of people,” Engwall said.
Similarly,
Metti said that she believes studying abroad would be an experience to learn
from while traveling to different countries.
The
courses offered by the MSU Office of Study Abroad vary year by year, as some
programs decrease in interest or demand with students, Brenner said and can be
anything from Technology and Culture: Communication and Games in Korea to
Sustainable Food, Environment and Social Systems in Australia, according to
OSA.
“We
get new programs every year, and with those some get inactivated that haven’t
been popular or that do not have a faculty lead,” Brenner said. “This will
happen during the summer that way we have a good solid roster for the upcoming
year.”
Course
quality also does not change when classes through the Office of Study Abroad
are taught overseas at a foreign university, Brenner said.
According
to Brenner, courses go through a strict process when getting approved to be a part of a program, as each college
has to approve the program, and analyze the course work before it is sent to
the study abroad office, where they look at all the logistical aspects.
Word count: 1,092
Sources:
Cheryl Benner,
Michigan State University Office of Study Abroad Communications Manager
517-432-5166
Hannah Engwall, Michigan State University student
engwallh@msu.edu
586-623-2967
Jessica Metti, Michigan State University student
586-822-6980
Michigan State University, Office of Study Abroad
REWRITE GRADE:(GRADE REDACTED)
ORIGINAL GRADE: (GRADE REDACTED)
AVERAGE/FINAL GRADE:(GRADE REDACTED)
INSTRUCTOR COMMENTS: SOLID WORK! NICE JOB!
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