Monday, September 23, 2013

First Ledes: Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say

Does this lede say what we meant to say?

A pregnant woman, her husband, and their 3-year-old daughter were struck by a train while crossing on Michigan Avenue.

I would say it does not.What we say here is that three people were struck by the train. But that wasn't the case; they weren't hit by the train; the SUV in which they were riding was hit. (If they were hit, they'd be squashed like bugs, right?)

Keep in mind, someone reading the lede of a story don't know anything yet about what we're writing about, so they are going to take your words as being literal. That's why we have to be precise in our writing, and especially when writing ledes.

What we meant to say was, A sport-utility vehicle carrying a pregnant woman, her husband, and their 3-year-old daughter was struck by a train while crossing on Michigan Avenue.

Say what you mean, and mean what you say.

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