More Ledes: Don't Assume!

Like in this lede:

There are many fears that go through a bride's mind before their wedding. For Sara Howard, she never thought to worry about her husband's drive to the church.

Now, it's structurally fine. But the question I have is, how do you know she never thought to worry about her husband's drive to the church?

In the information you were given, you have no indication whether she wasn't worried, or that her fiancee was a shitty driver who had her constantly terrified with his lead foot.

Here, we went beyond the information you had, and made an assumption. We were being creative based on our guessing, not the facts. And we can't do that.

Now, as a journalist you would have been correct to find out if she ever though she'd have to worry about her fiancee's driving. And if she answered yes, then this lede would be perfect.

But we need to confirm the facts first.

More Ledes: Be Specific!

Here's the lede:

A convenience store robbery Wednesday afternoon sent city police on a massive hunt for the armed robber in a stolen vehicle — and the 6-month-old still in the backseat.

Here's the problem: in the back seat was a 6-month-old what?

A dog? A sandwich? A gallon of milk?

It's a girl. We know that. But your readers don't, at least not yet.

When a reader approaches a lede,  we need to remember that they know absolutely nothing about the story they are about to be told. That's why people come to news organizations; to find out what they don't know.

So, we can't assume that the reader knows anything. We have to be on-point and clear. We can't just say a 6-month-old; we need to say it was a 6-month-old girl.

More Ledes: Say What You Mean!

What is wrong with this lede?

To save the life of a dog, 22-year-old Scott Forsythe lost his life in a car crash just 15 minutes before his wedding this morning.

If you read this lede literally, it's this: you're saying this man died 15 minutes before his wedding. You're suggesting his wedding took place (all "Weekend at Bernie's"-style, perhaps).

But that's not what you meant. What you meant was, he died 15 minutes before his wedding was to take place this morning.

If that's what you meant, then that's what you should have written.

Make sure you say what you mean, and mean what you say. Don't leave room for any misinterpretations. Be precise.

More Ledes: Look For Inclusive Words

Many of you in the animals lede referred to "ecologists and biologists." A couple of you simply referred to "scientists."

And why not? Ecologists and biologists are scientists. It's simpler and doesn't result in any lost meaning to your readers.

If you have the opportunity to group specifics under a single umbrella term, consider that course of action.

More Ledes: Grammatical Articles

A reminder: don't forget to use grammatical articles in sentences, like a, and, and the. Make sure your sentences are complete sentences. If you're not sure, read your sentences out loud. If you sound like a robot -- police kill man in house -- then you probably need to add some articles like this -- police killed a man in a house.

More Ledes: Did You Need The Name?

In your ledes, some of you referred to the car accident victim specifically -- Scott Forsythe -- while others referred to him in the generic -- 22-year-old local man, or something to that effect.

While neither is wrong, I'd say the latter is the best approach. You have no reason to believe Forsythe is someone that would be known by name to your readers. In such cases, the generic identifier would suffice in a first reference, and you can offer the specific name as a secondary detail later in the story.

(Remember, in a real situation you would have the rest of the story to fill in specific details and secondary information!) 

Now, if the victim was Oprah Winfrey, the name would be a good bet for the lede, precisely because she is someone many people would instantly recognize by name.

More Ledes: Writing With (AP) Style

In this assignment you weren't asked to write conforming to AP style. And on this one I won't grade you on that basis. Still, we're going to use this opportunity to start picking up some of the more common AP style points.

Like with how to refer to money. Is it $25 with the dollar symbol ahead of the amount or 25 dollars, with dollars spelled out?

It's the former. This is what I pulled from the AP Stylebook, under dollars: "Use figures and the $ sign in all except casual references or amounts without a figure."Number usage has its own specific style under AP rules. Here's the most basic AP guideline, in your style book under numerals: In general "Spell out whole numbers below 10, use figures for 10 and above."

So two should be two, not 2. And 10 should be 10, not ten.

So then, is this correct to start a sentence, under AP Style rules, by spelling out a number like this?

Twenty-two . . . 

Actually, that IS correct number use. This is under the numerals heading:

Spell out a numeral at the beginning of a sentence.

Also, Is it 6 month-old with a hyphen between month and old or 6-month-old with hyphens between everything or 6 month old with no hyphens at all? AP Style under ages: Use hyphens for ages expressed as adjectives before a noun or as substitutes for a noun.

So it's 6-month-old, with hyphens between the 6 and month, and between month and old.

Also, please note it is NOT six-month-old girl with six spelled out,; rather, the six is in numeric form, like this: 6-month-old girl.

It's another exception to the general AP number rule. In AP Style under ages:

Always use figures.

Moving on, let's talk about names. On first reference, you use a first and last name: Megan Perakiss. But what do you do on a second and subsequent references?

Here is AP Style, under names:

In general, use only last names on second reference.

But what if there is more than one person with the same last name? AP Style has that covered, too. Also under names:

When it is necessary to distinguish between two people who use the same last name, as in married couples or brothers and sisters, use the first and last name.

So in the case of any member of the Perakiss family -- who has the same last name -- it would be first and last names in all references, if more than one Perakiss is referred to in the story. If there's only one Perakiss in the story, it would simply be Perakiss in all references after the first.

Either way, try not to use just a first name on any reference.

FYI, this may be a good time to start an AP Style cheat sheet, where you write down and keep track of some of the more common AP Style rules cited in blog posts. There's also another way to have a quick-look AP Style cheat sheet: simply click on "ap style" under "labels" at the bottom of this blog, and EVERY AP STYLE POST WE'VE DONE SOFAR will appear!