Friday, September 15, 2017

First Ledes: Two Sentences Are NOT Better Than One



In writing for journalism, we need to look for spots where we can reduce wordiness and be efficient in word use.


I see an opportunity with this lede:



Teachers in East Lansing will be provided with financial relief, thanks to a new program. The program will offer mortgages with below-market interest rates to teachers and administrators in public schools. 

First, we should always be on the lookout for opportunities to reduce a two-sentence lede to just one sentence. A good indication of whether you can possibly do that is if you refer to something twice.

Like, when you refer to the "program" at the end of the first sentence, and the start of the second sentence. Why not merge those references -- and sentences -- like this:



Teachers in East Lansing will be provided with financial relief, thanks to a new program offering mortgages with below-market interest rates to teachers and administrators in public schools.

See what I did there? We've cut out excessive wordiness and redundancy.

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