While most college students are concerned about midterms or
whether or not their crush is going to text them back, other students are
preparing to tie the knot in the near future.
According to the National Center for Educational Statistics,
the average national age of marriage is 28, SEMICOLON STED COMMA HERE however COMMA HERE some college students feel that age is just a number.
THIS IS A GOOD PLACE
FOR A TELLING STATISTIC, LIKE HOW MANY COLLEGE AGE (18-22?) PEOPLE GET MARRIED.
CAN WE GET THAT? THAT WOULD HELP PUT THE ISSUE INTO MORE REFINED CONTEXT.
“I met Taylor when I was eight years old and I’ve had a
crush on her ever since then. We didn’t
start dating until we were juniors in high school and it’s been five years
now,” said Michigan State University senior Troy Cervantes. OF HIS NOW-FIANCE, TAYLOR CHAMBERS. LET’S
MAKE FIRST REFERENCE OF HER HERE SINCE WE MADE A PARTIAL REFERENCE TO HER IN THE
QUOTE; DON’T MAKE READERS WAIT TIL THE NEXT GRAF TO FIND OUT WHO SHE IS
Cervantes beamed with pride as he explained SAID, STED EXPLAINED how he proposed to
his now fiancé, Taylor Chambers, IF YOU
MADE THE CHANGE IN THE PREVIOS GRAF, THEN HERE YOU CAN DELETE, HIS NOW FIANCE,
TAYLOR at the MSU Horticulture Gardens with lit candles around the pond. WHEN?
“I pretty much knew when we officially started dating that I
wanted to spend the rest of my life with her so it was just a matter of waiting
and everything happened to line up perfectly right now, so I was just like,
‘let’s do this!’” Cervantes said.
Cervantes is not the only one who has decided to settle down
at such a young age. MSU senior David Pastula recently proposed to his
girlfriend, Brittany Hitchcock, of four years. Pastula says SAID, STED SAYS they had talked about
marriage for about two years leading up to the engagement.
“It was something that we were both comfortable talking
about, and I think that it helped in making the decision to move forward. I talked to both my family and her parents to
get their opinions and to make sure that I was going about it in the right
way. In the end, they both supported my
decision,” Pastula wrote in an email interview. NO NEED TO SAY INTERVIEW; JUST SAY, PASTULA SAID IN AN EMAIL.
Pastula claims SAID,
STED CLAIMS he decided to propose now because he wanted to make it official
that they will be married in the future.
“Both Brittany and I have been very confident in this fact
for awhile and I felt like it was a good idea to do it now so that we can start
saving and have plenty of time to make the day perfect,” Pastula said.
As for Cervantes, he SAID
HE; ATTRIBUTE! knew that Chamber would have a hectic few years studying at
the MSU College of Veterinary Medicine and wanted to have more time to plan for
the wedding.
“…and plus, I wanted some of my friends here to be a part of
it,” Cervantes adds. SAID, STED ADDS.
PLUS, WE DON’TNEED TO START THE SENTENCE WITH ELLIPSES. WE CAN SIMPLY START
WITH, “AND PLUS … “
June Carbone, professor at University of Minnesota and
author of two books which study trends in marriage, SAID HE; ATTRIBUTE! believes that emotional maturity and financial
dependence are two factors that are very important to think about before
settling down at an early age.
“Postpone marriage, especially child bearing, until
education is complete, you’ve got your first job, you know what city you want
to live in, and your lives are stable enough so that when you pick a partner
you know where you are going to end up.
You know you have the same dreams and you know you have somebody who is
compatible to the life you’ve chosen,” explained SAID, STED EXPLAINED Carbone.
MSU sophomore Mike Andreski agrees and SAID HE; ATTRIBUTE! also does not see a purpose in getting engaged
at such a young age.
“In college, you are still finding out who you are. You’re
still growing in pretty much every way so you don’t know if two people are
changing through the entire college process and there’s no way of knowing if
you two will be compatible at the end of it all,” Andreski said.
According to Carbone, age in marriage is a risk factor for
divorce and it’s more of a risk factor now than it was half a century ago.
AGAIN, CAN WE GET
SOME DATA TO SUPPORT THIS? SHOW ME THE DATA, DON’T JUST TELL ME THE CONCLUSION.
PERHAPS YOUR NEUTRAL EXPERT CAN REFER YOU TO SOMEHARD NUMBERS TO SUPPORT THIS.
MSU senior Mikayla Robinson says, SAID, STED SAYS “For me, I can see people rushing into it because
if you know you’ve found the person you love and you’ve obviously spent the
time with them, then I don’t see a problem with it.”
There is a common belief that young people are naïve and
tend to overlook problems that may occur in the future. This may be one of the
main reasons why young people make irrational decisions and jump into
situations they may not be ready for. ACCORDING
TO WHOM? ATTRIBUTE!
University of California, Santa Barbara sophomore Kaitlyn
McQuown has been dating her high school sweetheart for 2 years now, and still
feels no need to rush into an engagement she is not ready for. As McQuown puts it, SAID, STED PUTS IT “…things are constantly changing in college.” NO NEED FOR ELLIPSES AT START OF A QUOTE
FRAGMENT
She also adds, SAID,
STED ADDS “There shouldn’t be any rush to be 100 percent committed to
anyone else. You can have a healthy,
satisfying, and wonderful committed relationship during college without the
added pressure of marriage.”
Word Count: 774
Sources:
National Center for Educational Statistics
Troy Cervantes
(616) 450-7265
David Pastula
(517) 203-8601
June Carbone
(612) 626-3012
Mike Andreski
(517) 969-9062
Mikayla Robinson
(616) 260-0381
Kaitlyn Mcquown
(310) 245-1930
ASSIGNMENT GRADE: (REDACTED)
INSTRUCTOR COMMENTS:
A SOLID FIRST JOB; HOWEVER, WE NEED TO BE SURE THAT WE SHOW AND TELL. IF WE
TELL PEOPLE A CONCLUSION, WE NEED TO SHOW THROUGH DATA AND QUOTES AS WELL. WE
HAD A SUFFICIENT AMOUNT OF THE LATTER BUT NOT THE FORMER. PLUS, WE NEED TO BE SURE WE ARE FOLLOWING
PROPER ATTRIBUTION RULES; USE SAID, AND LABEL HOW WE KNOW WHAT WE KNOW
THROUGHOUT. STILL, A GOOD START!
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