Out-Of-Class #1: A Great Example ...

... of a very strong rewrite. Please note the strong contextual lede, good nut graf, solid telling quote, good use of statistics, anecdotal observations and quotes, attribution, perspectives of everyday students and a neutral expert to help lay out an important story told in an interesting manner. Here ya go:

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Hook-up Culture

February 26, 2014

Does hooking up with a different race feel like uncharted territory?

Whether the answer to that question is yes or no, according to Michigan State University’s students and faculty, the hook-up culture on MSU campus depends less on race and more on upbringing.

Associate Professor Steve McCornack of Michigan State University said the difference between attitudes on hook-up culture “isn’t international versus domestic, but the degree to which somebody grew up in a very sheltered environment.”

Hook-ups, which are defined as “brief uncommitted sexual encounters among individuals who are not romantic partners or dating each other” by Justin Garcia in his study Sexual Hookup Culture: A Review, are an integral part of most college campuses.

In fact, the 2010 study Hooking Up: Gender Differences, Evolution, and Pluralistic Ignorance by Chris Reiber and Garcia says SAID, STED SAYS 81 percent of undergraduates participated in hook-up behavior, of which 34 percent of them participated in actual sexual intercourse.

With MSU’s growing population of international students, it can be difficult to navigate an already-complicated hook-up culture, according to international student Misaki Komatsu.

Komatsu said she is an international student originally from Hiroshima, Japan. When asked what she thought of hook-up culture, Komatsu said “I think this culture has bad effect, especially for girls.”

Komatsu said “I don’t like the guys who make me confused. I immediately cut my connection with him.”

It is important to realize that we can’t assume she has SHE CAN’T BE ASSUMED TO HAVE, STED WE WE CAN’T ASSUME SHE HAS, TO AVOID FIRST PERSON DESCRIPTION OUTSIDE OF A QUOTE  a negative view on hook-up culture because she is from Japan, according to McCornack.

According to McCornack, “The cultural difference isn’t so much international. I think the lines of difference are the degree to which somebody grew up in a very sheltered, very controlled, very gender stereotypical environment.”

What does that mean?

That means, according to McCornack, that the different attitudes on hook-up culture seen across different cultures on campus reflect not the race of the person, but the degree of difference between the environment a person grew up in and the environment on MSU campus.

According to McCornack, what constitutes the differences in home and MSU campus environments is how important traditional gender values are and how open the environment is to contact with the opposite gender.

McCornack said the traditional gender values specifically include things such as the assumption that women are more likely than men to want commitment rather than casual hook ups.

However, according to McCornack, these traditional gender values are just assumptions; they aren’t based in research.

McCornack described the difference between home and MSU campus environments by emphasizing that MSU’s campus provides an optimal context for casual sex, something that a typical household does not usually provide.

“We [students] are around all these attractive people, and we are all stupid, because alcohol takes away our impulse control and inhibitions. It is the optimal combination of factors for people to have casual sex,” said McCornack.

If a student comes from a household that is relatively strict and rooted in traditional gender values, then the environment at MSU can be “liberation” COMMA INSIDE OF QUOTE MARKS according to McCornack.

“I think a lot of people go a little hog wild,” said McCornack in reference to students who come from more traditional backgrounds.

A student that fits this description is engineering sophomore Sankalp Saste.

Saste said he was born in Pune, India, and lived there for seven years. By all of McCornack’s conditions, Saste comes from a traditional upbringing.

And contrary to his parents’ values, Saste said he hooked up with a student at Michigan State University.

“The hook-up culture over there [in India] depends on your parents and the girl’s parents. It is not your personal choice,” said Saste.

The hook-up culture at Michigan State University, according to Saste, is extremely different.

“Here, it [a hook-up] is an achievement. Friends want to know everything. They want to see her picture and they want to know what happened,” said Saste.

Saste thinks that the hook-up culture here is different because there are less people involved.

 “When two American people look at themselves and their hook ups, they don’t really care about the third person. It’s just them and the girl. That is why it is more accepted,” said Saste.

This is different from the culture in India, which as Saste said, involves the parents of both people hooking up.

Saste also attributes the difference in hook up cultures to opportunities.

“It’s [hook-ups] accepted here because there are opportunities for it here. Frat parties, bar parties. In India, it’s not a thing,” said Saste.

Basically, even though Saste comes from an Indian ethnic background, he is likely to hook-up with others on campus, or go “hog wild” according to McCornack.

On the other hand, according to McCornack, if a student comes from a relatively less-traditional family, the environment at MSU might not be a huge change

Human Biology senior Shardae Ford is a perfect example of a student from a relatively less-traditional family. She has lived in the state of Michigan for her entire life, and according to her, her family was relatively open-minded about traditional gender values and relatively lenient with letting Ford hang out with the opposite gender.

However, when asked if she hooks-up with people, Ford said “I don’t kiss or have sexual relationships with someone I’ve just met.”

Even though Ford grew up in a progressive environment relative to the environment Saste grew up in, she does not choose to actively participate in the hook-up culture on campus.

In fact, when asked if hook-ups are accepted in her peer group, Ford said “they aren’t accepted because most people… don’t necessarily agree that it’s ok to just randomly meet someone and then hook up.”

Notice here that Saste, though Indian, is more likely to hook-up than Shardae, who is an American, even though the hook-up culture at MSU is located in America.

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INSTRUCTOR COMMENTS: OUTSTANDING WORK; CONGRATS! THIS IS A SOLID STORY I HOPE TO SEE PUBLISHED SOON. BOTH THE TOPIC AND HOW IT WAS HANDLED HERE WARRANT THAT.