In most ledes, we want to aim for getting to the main point; that is,
the end result and ultimate outcome. How did things end up?
This lede doesn't quite get there:
Til' death do us part is still too soon for
Olivida Saleeby, who requested that the East Lansing Zoning Board allow her to
bury her husband of 62 years in their backyard.
In
it, we know what the issue was, but we don't know how it ended up. The
news isn't that the board was deciding the issue; it's how they decided
it.
This lede goes the extra, necessary step:
“Rest
in peace” remains easier said than done for Olivida Saleeby after the East
Lansing Zoning Board denied
her request to bury her husband in the backyard of their home.
Again, the news isn't that the burial was requested; it's that it was denied.
Monday, September 29, 2014
Final Ledes: Writing With (AP) Style
First
off, a warning: starting today, I will start enforcing AP Style rules
on any and all items covered by the blog. So start picking up on and
acting on the AP Style rules we've gone over, as we go over them.
Now, onto the latest rules:
When talking abut Constance Wei, is is State Representative Constance Wei; or State Rep. Constance Wei; or Constance Wei, a State Representative; or Constance Wei, a state representative?
It's State Rep. Constance Wei; or Constance Wei, a state representative. How do I know that? AP Style, under titles:
In general confine capitalization to formal titles used directly before an individual's name ... capitalize formal titles when they are used immediately before one or more names ... the following formal titles are capitalized and abbreviated as shown when used before a name both inside and outside quotations: Dr., Gov., Lt. Gov., Rep., Sen., and certain military ranks listed in military titles. All other formal titles are spelled out in all uses.
There are a ton of exceptions under titles, so that's a section you probably want to check frequently.
Also, as we noted earlier in a first reference we ALWAYS use first and last names: Constance Wei. But from then on we use only the last name: Wei.
This is what it says under names:
In general, use last names only on second reference.
Also, If someone's title precedes their name, then you capitalize: State Rep. Constance. Likewise, you capitalize a title when part of an entity's formal name: East Lansing Zoning Board
If someone's title follows their name, then it's lower-case: Constance Wei, a state representative. Likewise, if a title is not part of an entity's formal name, then it is lower-cased: the zoning board of East Lansing
When a title is used without a name, it's lower-cased: a state representative, a zoning board.
Also, titles in most cases should not be included after a first reference. You may start out by saying State Rep. Constance Wei, but in subsequent references it's just Wei, minus the State Rep. and Constance.
Under AP Style:
In subsequent references, do not continue using the title before a name. Use only the last name.
Moving on, when do you spell out avenue and street, and when do you abbreviate it?
In AP Style under addresses, it says to abbreviate when used with a specific street number, like 8397 Liberty Ave.
But when using just the street name without a number, it's spelled out, like Liberty Avenue.
Now, onto the latest rules:
When talking abut Constance Wei, is is State Representative Constance Wei; or State Rep. Constance Wei; or Constance Wei, a State Representative; or Constance Wei, a state representative?
It's State Rep. Constance Wei; or Constance Wei, a state representative. How do I know that? AP Style, under titles:
In general confine capitalization to formal titles used directly before an individual's name ... capitalize formal titles when they are used immediately before one or more names ... the following formal titles are capitalized and abbreviated as shown when used before a name both inside and outside quotations: Dr., Gov., Lt. Gov., Rep., Sen., and certain military ranks listed in military titles. All other formal titles are spelled out in all uses.
There are a ton of exceptions under titles, so that's a section you probably want to check frequently.
Also, as we noted earlier in a first reference we ALWAYS use first and last names: Constance Wei. But from then on we use only the last name: Wei.
This is what it says under names:
In general, use last names only on second reference.
Also, If someone's title precedes their name, then you capitalize: State Rep. Constance. Likewise, you capitalize a title when part of an entity's formal name: East Lansing Zoning Board
If someone's title follows their name, then it's lower-case: Constance Wei, a state representative. Likewise, if a title is not part of an entity's formal name, then it is lower-cased: the zoning board of East Lansing
When a title is used without a name, it's lower-cased: a state representative, a zoning board.
Also, titles in most cases should not be included after a first reference. You may start out by saying State Rep. Constance Wei, but in subsequent references it's just Wei, minus the State Rep. and Constance.
Under AP Style:
In subsequent references, do not continue using the title before a name. Use only the last name.
Moving on, when do you spell out avenue and street, and when do you abbreviate it?
In AP Style under addresses, it says to abbreviate when used with a specific street number, like 8397 Liberty Ave.
But when using just the street name without a number, it's spelled out, like Liberty Avenue.
RFTM Ch. 10: The Body of a News Story
The portion of the story that follows the lede is the body. The body
offers details amplifying, supporting, building and detailing the lede.
The most basic type of story body is known as the inverted pyramid. In an inverted pyramid, writers arrange information of descending importance or newsworthiness, in this kind of order:
First paragraph: the lede
Second graf: The nut graf
Third graf: first most-important bit of detail
Fourth graf: second most-important bit of detail
Fifth graf: third most-important bit of detail
... and so on
The advantages of an inverted pyramid are: it helps reporters prioritize information; it helps new reporters find missing elements in a story; it's easy for readers to understand; and it's easy to write and edit quickly (making it especially useful in breaking news situations).
The disadvantages include: it concentrates on basic facts, not leaving much room for context and meaning; it can be boring to read; and it locks reporters into formulatic writing, allowing less flexibilty.
(Having said that, it is a basic writing style that works well as a default style if you're getting confused on how to write something. You can always fall back on an inverted pyramid and be okay.)
In organizing an inverted pyramid story, of course we start with the lede, which we've already gone over. The second graf is known as the nut graf, which does two big things: first, it answers questions created by the lede; second, it offers a logical transition to the body of the story.
For example, let's look at a lede from a previous exercise:
A 22-year-old man speeding at 100 mph crashed his car and died, just 15 minutes before his wedding was to begin this morning in East Lansing.
This lede creates several questions: who was the 22-year-old man? When, exactly, was the crash? And where, specifically? Why did he crash? And so on.
Those exact details were probably left out of the lede for brevity's sake. But now we can add in some of those details via a nut graf, like this:
Scott Forsythe, who was to wed Sara Howard, was trying to avoid a dog in the road at the time of the 8:45 a.m. crash along Kirkmann Road.
Now, let's pair the lede and nut graf, and see how they symbiotically support each other:
A 22-year-old man speeding at 100 mph crashed his car and died, just 15 minutes before his wedding was to begin this morning in East Lansing.
Scott Forsythe, who was to wed Sara Howard, was trying to avoid a dog in the road at the time of the 8:45 a.m. crash along Kirkmann Road.
The nut graf doesn't mimic or echo the lede; it builds upon it, by filling in details from the lede. Then, we can start a narrative telling in the body of the story.
Another way to pair a lede/nut graf combo is to do an alternative lede. In such cases, the lede (rather than being a summary of how things ended up) can be an anecdote that conveys a more human and relateable example of the bigger issue. (In such cases, the lede may actually be two or three grafs, or more.) Then, the nut graf (much like a traditional lede) sums up the issue bottom line.
For example, a hypothetical story about students struggling to pay for tuition may start with a two-graf anecdotal lede, and then go to a nut graf, like this:
Joe Schmo is a college student, but his day consists of far more than class.
Schmo, a sophomore at Michigan State University, works six jobs in addition to attending six hours of class each day. He works as a waiter, a clerk, a mime, a bookie, a pilot and a rodeo clown, all in an effort to cover his $25,000 in annual tuition payments, he said.
A growing number of students -- like Schmo -- are having to work while attending college, with the number of students engaged in work-study increasing by 500 percent between 1993 and 2013, a recent study found.
With an anecdotal lede, we try to take something big -- like student struggles -- and break it down into something that's easier to relate to, in this case a single student's struggle.
Now, in picking which way to lede a story, we don't base it on what writing style we prefer. Rather, we select the one that best tells the story, and allows readers to best relate to what makes this story interesting, relevant and.or useful.
(This is another big difference between writing for English composition and writing for journalism. In English comp, we write for personal expression and artistic reason. It's all about us. In journalism, we write to contextually and accurately represent the facts we've discovered, and for reader understanding of the story. It's all about the readers and the truth. We may use creative and artistic techniques in telling the story, but we do it based on the facts and reader comprehension, not our own personal expressiveness.)
Then, we continue with the news in the body of the story. We more fully explain how things unfolded or happened. We offer quotes and descriptions. We offer more detail and reaction.
Also in the body of the story, we explain the unfamiliar. We avoid or translate words that are not used in everyday conversation,or that are jargon, as we blogged about earlier. We can translate terms (like, instead of saying cardiac arrest, we use the more conversational heart attack).
Or we can define terms (by saying something like, the man suffered cardiac arrest, commonly known as a heart attack), helping to make a complex story more understandable, and teaching the audience something that may be useful or interesting.
Examples are important, too. Citing examples can help factually justify your summations; make stories more readable and interesting; they can personalize stories and make stories more understandable and relateable; and make concepts more understandable by comparing them to things that are familiar.
In journalism, we try to remember a concept of show, and don't just tell. That is, don't just tell me the news; show me the proof through quotes and data and such. In the lede and nut graf, we generally tell. But in the body of the story, we must show.
The most basic type of story body is known as the inverted pyramid. In an inverted pyramid, writers arrange information of descending importance or newsworthiness, in this kind of order:
First paragraph: the lede
Second graf: The nut graf
Third graf: first most-important bit of detail
Fourth graf: second most-important bit of detail
Fifth graf: third most-important bit of detail
... and so on
The advantages of an inverted pyramid are: it helps reporters prioritize information; it helps new reporters find missing elements in a story; it's easy for readers to understand; and it's easy to write and edit quickly (making it especially useful in breaking news situations).
The disadvantages include: it concentrates on basic facts, not leaving much room for context and meaning; it can be boring to read; and it locks reporters into formulatic writing, allowing less flexibilty.
(Having said that, it is a basic writing style that works well as a default style if you're getting confused on how to write something. You can always fall back on an inverted pyramid and be okay.)
In organizing an inverted pyramid story, of course we start with the lede, which we've already gone over. The second graf is known as the nut graf, which does two big things: first, it answers questions created by the lede; second, it offers a logical transition to the body of the story.
For example, let's look at a lede from a previous exercise:
A 22-year-old man speeding at 100 mph crashed his car and died, just 15 minutes before his wedding was to begin this morning in East Lansing.
This lede creates several questions: who was the 22-year-old man? When, exactly, was the crash? And where, specifically? Why did he crash? And so on.
Those exact details were probably left out of the lede for brevity's sake. But now we can add in some of those details via a nut graf, like this:
Scott Forsythe, who was to wed Sara Howard, was trying to avoid a dog in the road at the time of the 8:45 a.m. crash along Kirkmann Road.
Now, let's pair the lede and nut graf, and see how they symbiotically support each other:
A 22-year-old man speeding at 100 mph crashed his car and died, just 15 minutes before his wedding was to begin this morning in East Lansing.
Scott Forsythe, who was to wed Sara Howard, was trying to avoid a dog in the road at the time of the 8:45 a.m. crash along Kirkmann Road.
The nut graf doesn't mimic or echo the lede; it builds upon it, by filling in details from the lede. Then, we can start a narrative telling in the body of the story.
Another way to pair a lede/nut graf combo is to do an alternative lede. In such cases, the lede (rather than being a summary of how things ended up) can be an anecdote that conveys a more human and relateable example of the bigger issue. (In such cases, the lede may actually be two or three grafs, or more.) Then, the nut graf (much like a traditional lede) sums up the issue bottom line.
For example, a hypothetical story about students struggling to pay for tuition may start with a two-graf anecdotal lede, and then go to a nut graf, like this:
Joe Schmo is a college student, but his day consists of far more than class.
Schmo, a sophomore at Michigan State University, works six jobs in addition to attending six hours of class each day. He works as a waiter, a clerk, a mime, a bookie, a pilot and a rodeo clown, all in an effort to cover his $25,000 in annual tuition payments, he said.
A growing number of students -- like Schmo -- are having to work while attending college, with the number of students engaged in work-study increasing by 500 percent between 1993 and 2013, a recent study found.
With an anecdotal lede, we try to take something big -- like student struggles -- and break it down into something that's easier to relate to, in this case a single student's struggle.
Now, in picking which way to lede a story, we don't base it on what writing style we prefer. Rather, we select the one that best tells the story, and allows readers to best relate to what makes this story interesting, relevant and.or useful.
(This is another big difference between writing for English composition and writing for journalism. In English comp, we write for personal expression and artistic reason. It's all about us. In journalism, we write to contextually and accurately represent the facts we've discovered, and for reader understanding of the story. It's all about the readers and the truth. We may use creative and artistic techniques in telling the story, but we do it based on the facts and reader comprehension, not our own personal expressiveness.)
Then, we continue with the news in the body of the story. We more fully explain how things unfolded or happened. We offer quotes and descriptions. We offer more detail and reaction.
Also in the body of the story, we explain the unfamiliar. We avoid or translate words that are not used in everyday conversation,or that are jargon, as we blogged about earlier. We can translate terms (like, instead of saying cardiac arrest, we use the more conversational heart attack).
Or we can define terms (by saying something like, the man suffered cardiac arrest, commonly known as a heart attack), helping to make a complex story more understandable, and teaching the audience something that may be useful or interesting.
Examples are important, too. Citing examples can help factually justify your summations; make stories more readable and interesting; they can personalize stories and make stories more understandable and relateable; and make concepts more understandable by comparing them to things that are familiar.
In journalism, we try to remember a concept of show, and don't just tell. That is, don't just tell me the news; show me the proof through quotes and data and such. In the lede and nut graf, we generally tell. But in the body of the story, we must show.
Body of a Story: Some Examples
The most basic story structures are very specific in style yet simple
in design. So let's look an imaginary story done in a basic news style,
starting with what you already know -- the lede:
School
was canceled forever today after a 45-year-old college instructor won a
multi-billion dollar lottery, quitting his job and sparking a walkout
among his students.
The lede
is usually followed by what is called the nut graf. The role of that
paragraph is to elaborate and expand upon the details of the lede.
Consider
the general identifiers posed in the lede: an unnamed instructor, an
unnamed school, an unspecified big-money lottery ect. Try to follow up
on those generalities with specifics in the nut graf, like this:
Omar
Sofradzija, who teaches a journalism class at Michigan State University
in East Lansing, won the $99 billion Amazeballs drawing Monday, after
which he quit Tuesday, lottery officials said.
That
was followed by a mass walkout by MSU students, and then cancelation of
MSU classes the next day, university officials said.
In
journalism, we try to keep paragraphs fairly short -- usually limited
to one main point or idea per graf, and/or one or two sentences per
graf. In this case, I thought the nut graf was running a bit long, so I
split it into two grafs.
We try to keep paragraphs
short and specific for two big reasons: one, to make it easy for the
reader to identify key points and specific quotes and such; and two, to
make it easy for editors to do the same so they can more quickly edit
the story by easily finding what may be worth emphasis or cutting out.
The
point after the nut graf is a great place to consider putting in a
telling quote; something that goes to the heart of the story's theme or
context or ultimate meaning. Something like this:
"If there's no Omar, there simply isn't any point in having school," MSU president Lou Anna K. Simon said.
At
this point, the lede/nut graf/key quote package creates sort of a
mini-story. In the same way the lede gives you the bare minimum of what
you need to know about the story, this grouping of grafs gives readers
the minimum amount of information AND supporting detail and evidence.
From
this point on, you have a couple of options: you can add more
supporting facts and quotes, in descending order of importance. This is
called the inverted pyramid style of story organization. You start with
the most important piece of background, then the next most important,
and so on. Like with short paragraphs, it allows for faster reading and
editing. Like this:
Sofradzija, who
has been making just $2 an hour teaching an introduction-to-journalism
class, said he plans to never teach again.
"Seriously, eff those little brats," he said.
But a number of students said that losing Sofradzija as an instructor has sapped their will to learn.
"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.
Sofradzija said he did not know what exactly he's spend his fortune on, but he promised it would be something stupid.
Notice
how pieces of telling information are paired up with quotes supporting,
amplifying and humanizing that raw data. It's not necessary that every
graf of info is followed by a related quote, but it does help in
reinforcing the points that are made throughout a story.
Also,
please note attribution is liberally used throughout the story, in
every graf after the lede. That's for the benefit of readers, who get to
see exactly where you get each bit of information that supports the
original claim you make in your lede. Not only are you transparent, but
you essentially rely on the expertise of your sources by citing them,
building your credibility.
Another
approach is to offer a chronological telling, looking at things from
the start and listing them in the order they happened. It's important that you weigh the facts you have and the
context of the story to decide if an inverted pyramid, chronology or
some other method best tells the story. Like this:
Events
quickly began to unfold around 8 p.m. Monday, when Sofradzija was named
the Amazeballs winner. His resignation was submitted to MSU by 6 a.m.
Tuesday, school officials said.
"Seriously, eff those little brats," Sofradzija said.
Word
quickly swirled around campus of Sofradzija's departure, with students
walking out of their classes em masse throughout the day Tuesday, school
officials said.
"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.
University leaders met that night before making the cancellation of the semester official at 8 a.m. today, officials said.
And
that's it. Notice how the story seems to end sort of abruptly. Looks
weird, right? Well, in journalism that's okay is your story lacks what
writers call a satisfying ending. Why is this okay? Because you already
have an ending: your lede.
Now
that we looked at these two structures in pieces, let's put it all
together and look at the pieces as stories. First, the inverted pyramid:
School
was canceled forever today after a 45-year-old college instructor won a
multi-billion dollar lottery, quitting his job and sparking a walkout
among his students.
Omar
Sofradzija, who teaches a journalism class at Michigan State University
in East Lansing, won the $99 billion Amazeballs drawing Monday, after
which he quit Tuesday, lottery officials said.
That
was followed by a mass walkout by MSU students, and then cancelation of
MSU classes the next day, university officials said.
"If there's no Omar, there simply isn't any point in having school," MSU president Lou Anna K. Simon said.
Sofradzija,
who has been making just $2 an hour teaching an
introduction-to-journalism class, said he plans to never teach again.
"Seriously, eff those little brats," he said.
But a number of students said that losing Sofradzija as an instructor has sapped their will to learn.
"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.
Sofradzija said he did not know what exactly he's spend his fortune on, but he promised it would be something stupid.
*****
Now, the chronological style:
*****
School
was canceled forever today after a 45-year-old college instructor won a
multi-billion dollar lottery, quitting his job and sparking a walkout
among his students.
Omar
Sofradzija, who teaches a journalism class at Michigan State University
in East Lansing, won the $99 billion Amazeballs drawing Monday, after
which he quit Tuesday, lottery officials said.
That
was followed by a mass walkout by MSU students, and then cancelation of
MSU classes the next day, university officials said.
"If there's no Omar, there simply isn't any point in having school," MSU president Lou Anna K. Simon said.
Events
quickly began to unfold around 8 p.m. Monday, when Sofradzija was named
the Amazeballs winner. His resignation was submitted to MSU by 6 a.m.
Tuesday, school officials said.
"Seriously, eff those little brats," Sofradzija said.
Word
quickly swirled around campus of Sofradzija's departure, with students
walking out of their classes em masse throughout the day Tuesday, school
officials said.
"If I can't learn from Omar, I can't learn. I'm that stupid," said Elvis Presley, a sophomore journalism major from Canada.
University leaders met that night before making the cancellation of the semester official at 8 a.m. today, officials said.
Now, which is the best structure to use: inverted pyramid or chronology? Again, it depends on what best tells the story.
If
you're writing about something complex where impact and meaning doesn't
necessarily happen in sequence -- like a tuition increase or comparing
on-campus and off-campus housing -- then structuring things based on an
analyzed importance may be the way to go.
But
of the story you're looking into naturally and dramatically unfolds in
order -- like a bank robbery or 9/11 -- then a chronology probably works
best.
A lot of it depends on what kind
of facts you dig up while reporting. Note in each approach, some facts
get greater or lesser emphasis, and some facts get entirely left out.
You should think about which approach best uses the most important,
relevant, interesting and useful facts. Whichever does is probably the
highest and best approach to take.
Let
me be clear, though: these are NOT the only two story structure options
you have. As you've read in the book and probably noticed in your
newspaper readings, there are endless ways to write ledes and detail nut
grafs and add quotes and cascade facts throughout a story.
You're
first and foremost looking for the best way to tell a story, based on
what makes meaning and context and accuracy clear and easy to follow.
These are just two basic ways to do that. Master this, and then start practicing other ways.
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
JRN 200: A Message From The J-School
Dear JRN Instructors:
This
is a reminder to let your students know about these great
opportunities.
The public lecture for these two professionals is at 7:30 p.m. on Oct. 2. (the flyer announcement and no rsvp needed). The event is at the Wharton Center Cobb Great Hall, featuring former CNN anchor Soledad O'Brien and Pulitzer Prize-winning author Isabel Wilkerson. Tickets are FREE with a valid MSU ID, and are available in advance at the Wharton Center box office. For more information, go to cal.msu.edu/2014lectures
There is also an opportunity for students to meet in smaller groups with each professional earlier in the day -- at 3 p.m. (the need for rsvp's)Thursday Oct. 2, 2014 (See below for
venue and flyer.) An RSVP is required.
They should RSVP soon as space is limited.
Emmy award-winning broadcast journalist and producer -- Soledad O'Brien / "Black in America" CNN series -- Wells Hall room B-310 (presentation space)
RSVP: http://events.cal.msu.edu/registrations/add/cefbfafe
RSVP: http://events.cal.msu.edu/registrations/add/cefbfafe
Pulitzer-prize winning text journalist and book author -- Isabel Wilkerson / author "The Warmth of Other Suns" --Wells Hall room B342 (conference room)
More Ledes: What Does My Grade Mean?
From the syllabus, here's a roundup of what the funny numbers cited in your returned work means:
4.0: Story could be published virtually as is. It shows superior command of the facts, news judgment, story organization, reporting and writing.
3.5: Could be published with very minor revisions. Generally well-written, accurate copy containing all relevant material, but requires minor editing for maximum precision and clarity.
3.0: Better-than-average story. The story was handled well. Copy needs some rewriting and polishing before it could be published.
2.5: A little above average. The story might have a significant problem with reporting, organization, completeness, ect. Certainly needs rewriting.
2.0: Average job. Not a story most readers would read unless they really needed the information. The story may have reporting, organization or writing problems.
1.5: A weak story. The story may have a buried lede, problems in news interpretation, problems in story organization, omission of some important fact or source. The story needs substantial revision.
1.0: A non-story. The story lacks news judgment, displays major flaws in reporting and writing, omits important facts. The story needs substantial rethinking. Also, a story with any fact error automatically gets this grade.
0.0: Story is late or failed to receive instructor's approval. Story is misleading or unethical. Organization of writing flaws make the story incoherent.
More Ledes: Ledes I Liked
Everyone did at least fine on this assignment, some by sticking to basic ledes, and others by trying alternative ledes.
Here's some basic ones:
... and ...
Next up, let's look at some alternate ledes. Off we go:
Arrested? Prepare for a mug shot, fingerprints, and a $25 service charge.
It's basic and to-the-point, yet still a bit creative in terms of the question lede. It makes it sound a bit more conversational. So did this one:
In an attempt to cure East Lansing's financial troubles, committing a crime now costs offenders more than the humiliation of an arrest.
These next two one looked at the topic from a similarly-practical angle; what you may see as a result of the news:
Lions, elephants and giraffes may soon be found roaming a lot closer to home, as ecologists and biologists want to transplant African wildlife to the Great Plains of North America.
... and ...
While driving across the Great Plains of North America, how would you feel about looking out the car window and seeing giraffes, lions and elephants?
Here, someone took a secondary angle and highlighted it; the angle being, what would the move mean to those affected?
This next one had a bit of fun with word play:
A wild idea proposed for a transplant of African wildlife to the Great Plains of North America by Michigan State University scientists is stirring up controversy across the country.
These next two went straight to context:
What could have been the happiest day of Scott Forsythe's life turned fatal after he was killed in a car accident driving 100 mph on the way to his own wedding.
... and ...
Just 15 minutes before 22-year-old Scott Forsythe was scheduled to say "I do," a decision to save a dog's life took his own.
... and ...
This next one very nicely went to end result and ultimate outcome:
A 6-month-old girl was left unharmed in her parents’ sport-utility vehicle after it was carjacked by an armed robber at the Quik Shoppe convenience store Wednesday.
I liked these next two, too, that were centered on context:
This next one bridged the basic facts AND context:
Now, which ones do you like, and why? Which ones don't you like, and how come?
Here's some basic ones:
The East Lansing
Police Department will charge arrested persons $25 for mug shots and fingerprints to offset
expenses, city officials announced today.
Scott
Forsythe, 22, was killed this morning in a car accident on Kirkmann Road, just 15 minutes before he was to be married.
... and ...
... and ...
A group of Michigan State
scientists have come up with a possible plan to transplant African wildlife in
danger of extinction to the Great Plains of North America.
... and ...
A six-month-old girl was left unharmed in her
parents’ sport-utility vehicle after it was carjacked by an armed robber at the Quik Shoppe
convenience store Wednesday.
Next up, let's look at some alternate ledes. Off we go:
Arrested? Prepare for a mug shot, fingerprints, and a $25 service charge.
It's basic and to-the-point, yet still a bit creative in terms of the question lede. It makes it sound a bit more conversational. So did this one:
In an attempt to cure East Lansing's financial troubles, committing a crime now costs offenders more than the humiliation of an arrest.
These next two one looked at the topic from a similarly-practical angle; what you may see as a result of the news:
Lions, elephants and giraffes may soon be found roaming a lot closer to home, as ecologists and biologists want to transplant African wildlife to the Great Plains of North America.
... and ...
While driving across the Great Plains of North America, how would you feel about looking out the car window and seeing giraffes, lions and elephants?
Here, someone took a secondary angle and highlighted it; the angle being, what would the move mean to those affected?
A new idea from Michigan State
University scientists has Jim Smithson, a rancher in North Dakota, worried that
his cows may be slaughtered by a possible new threat: lions.
This next one had a bit of fun with word play:
A wild idea proposed for a transplant of African wildlife to the Great Plains of North America by Michigan State University scientists is stirring up controversy across the country.
These next two went straight to context:
What could have been the happiest day of Scott Forsythe's life turned fatal after he was killed in a car accident driving 100 mph on the way to his own wedding.
... and ...
Just 15 minutes before 22-year-old Scott Forsythe was scheduled to say "I do," a decision to save a dog's life took his own.
... and ...
Scott
Forsythe was to be wed at 9 a.m.
At 8:45 a.m., half
a mile from the church where his bride-to-be waited at the altar, Forsythe
crashed into two trees and a fence at 100 mph.
Now, instead of a honeymoon,
his bride will attend a funeral.
This next one very nicely went to end result and ultimate outcome:
A 6-month-old girl was left unharmed in her parents’ sport-utility vehicle after it was carjacked by an armed robber at the Quik Shoppe convenience store Wednesday.
I liked these next two, too, that were centered on context:
Could you imagine a routine gas station visit
turning into a search for your missing 6-month old baby? For Ethel Perakiss on Wednesday afternoon, this was a reality.
...and ...
...and ...
When Ethel Perakiss’ car pulled up to the Quik Shoppe
convenience store Wednesday afternoon, her six-month-old daughter was in the
back seat.
When the car pulled away from the
store, her baby was still in the back, but a stranger with stolen money and a
handgun was at the wheel.
This next one bridged the basic facts AND context:
A Michigan
Avenue Quick Shoppe robber fled the scene Wednesday with money, a stolen car,
and to his surprise, a baby.
Now, which ones do you like, and why? Which ones don't you like, and how come?
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