More Ledes: Look For Inclusive Words

Many of you in the animals lede referred to "ecologists and biologists." A couple of you simply referred to "scientists."

And why not? Ecologists and biologists are scientists. It's simpler and doesn't result in any lost meaning to your readers.

If you have the opportunity to group specifics under a single umbrella term, consider that course of action.

More Ledes: Look For Inclusive Words

Many of you in the animals lede referred to "ecologists and biologists." A couple of you simply referred to "scientists."

And why not? Ecologists and biologists are scientists. It's simpler and doesn't result in any lost meaning to your readers.

If you have the opportunity to group specifics under a single umbrella term, consider that course of action.

Meeting: You Don't Need "That!"

That is one of the most unneeded words ever. How so? Let's look at this sentence:

The board said that in its decision that parents should talk to their children about the issue and provide their home with the religious training that they feel to be most appropriate.

Now, let's get rid of the three references to that. This is what's left:

The board said in its decision parents should talk to their children about the issue and provide their home with the religious training they feel to be most appropriate.

Now, what's different? Besides the loss of an unnecessary word?

Most of the time, you don't need that.

Controversial: Be Efficient With Word Use

It's important that you look for unnecessary words and strip those out of your work. Like in this lede:

The East Lansing School Board has made a decision to implement a ban to no longer allow boys from competing in girls' sports.

It's a good lede, but wordy. First, do you need to say has made a decision to when just saying decided would suffice? 

Second, isn't saying implement a ban and no longer allow the same thing? I'd get rid of one of those, or even both. After all, doesn't ban say all that in just one word? What we have left is this:

The East Lansing School Board decided to ban boys from competing in girls' sports.

Is there any difference in meaning or context or detail than the first lede? I'd say not. It's just a lot shorter and less wordy.

Controversial: Don't Be Redundant

Do you need to say unanimous 9-0 vote?

No. 9-0 is unanimous. Saying both is simply repeating the obvious. You can just call it a 9-0 vote.

Be concise. Don't be wordy. And don't repeat the same thing in a different way.

More Ledes: Consider Inclusive Words

Many of you in the animals lede referred to ecologists and biologists. A couple of you simply referred to scientists.

And why not? Ecologists and biologists are scientists. It's simpler and doesn't result in any lost meaning to your readers.

If you have the opportunity to group specifics under a single umbrella term, consider that course of action.

First Ledes: Word Order

We can use word order to shorten passages. Like this one:

... according to a study done by sociologists at the University of Florida.

Anytime we have heavy use of "to a" and "by" and "at the," we probably have room to get rid of such terms by moving around word order, like I did here: 

... according to a University of Florida sociologists' study.

That turned a 12-word passage into just eight words. Not a ton of words, but critical in making a lede and brief and succinct as possible, while at the same time retaining the exact same meaning as before, with no loss of content.

Meeting: You Don't Need "That!"

That is one of the most unneeded words ever. How so? Let's look at this sentence:

The board said that in its decision that parents should talk to their children about the issue and provide their home with the religious training that they feel to be most appropriate.

Now, let's get rid of the three references to that. This is what's left:

The board said in its decision parents should talk to their children about the issue and provide their home with the religious training they feel to be most appropriate.

Now, what's different? Besides the loss of an unnecessary word?

Most of the time, you don't need that.

Controversial: Be Efficient With Word Use

It's important that you look for unnecessary words and strip those out of your work. Like in this lede:

The East Lansing School Board has made a decision on Tuesday to implement a ban to no longer allow boys from competing in girls' sports.

It's a good lede, but wordy. First, do you need to say has made a decision to when just saying decided would suffice?

Second, isn't saying implement a ban and no longer allow the same thing? I'd get rid of one of those, or even both. After all, doesn't ban say all that in just one word? What we have left is this:

The East Lansing School Board decided Tuesday to ban boys from competing in girls' sports.

Is there any difference in meaning or context or detail than the first lede? I'd say not. It's just a lot shorter and less wordy.

Controversial: Don't Be Redundant

Do you need to say unanimous 9-0 vote?

No. 9-0 is unanimous. Saying both is simply repeating the obvious. You can just call it a 9-0 vote.

Be concise. Don't be wordy. And don't repeat the same thing in a different way.

More Ledes: Look For Inclusive Words

Many of you in the animals lede referred to "ecologists and biologists." A couple of you simply referred to "scientists."

And why not? Ecologists and biologists are scientists. It's simpler and doesn't result in any lost meaning to your readers.

If you have the opportunity to group specifics under a single umbrella term, consider that course of action.

First Ledes: Use The Right Words!

Let's look at this lede:

      The Centers of Disease Control concluded from a study that the length of an average American wedding is dependent on factors other than just people growing apart after time.

We have a problems here: we listed the name of the organization as the Center of Disease Control. That is not the name; according to what we were given, it is the Centers (not Center) for (not of) Disease Control.

In journalism, we must get names precisely correct. No wiggle room. As noted in the syllabus:

Fact errors: Inaccurate information, misspelling a proper name, a misquotation or an error that changes the meaning of a story automatically drops a grade to a maximum of 1.0 (e.g., President “Barack Obamma” or “Department of Transport”).      

So, this is the first "fatal" of the semester. I'm not pointing this out to be a jerk; rather, it's to remind each and every one of us that journalism isn't about writing; it's about getting it right. That means we need to use names and facts precisely. That means we have to be sure to double-check our work to ensure that we used the right terms and facts, the right way.

In this assignment, each component was its own grade. So, instead of dropping the overall grade to a 1.0, it dropped it to a 3.0, with three components getting full credit. 

It wasn't our only fatal. In another exercise, we reported the fire department's pole-sliding was a centuries-old tradition (plural), when in fact it was a century-old tradition (singular). Yes, it changes the meaning from one hundred years to hundreds of years, so it is a fatal.

In an earlier blog post, we talked about using precise language, and using language correctly. This is an example of why; so we can convey the correct meaning, exactly as we intended and without risk of confusion.

A bigger problem we had was that one of us didn't do this assignment. The fastest way to struggle in this class is to miss assignments, since the final grade is based on a compilation of scores. And a low score is better than no score at all.

First Ledes: Two Sentences Are NOT Better Than One

In writing for journalism, we need to look for spots where we can reduce wordiness and be efficient in word use.

I see an opportunity with this lede:

Teachers in East Lansing will be provided with financial relief, thanks to a new program. The program will offer mortgages with below-market interest rates to teachers and administrators in public schools. 

First, we should always be on the lookout for opportunities to reduce a two-sentence lede to just one sentence. A good indication of whether you can possibly do that is if you refer to something twice.

Like, when you refer to the "program" at the end of the first sentence, and the start of the second sentence. Why not merge those references -- and sentences -- like this:

Teachers in East Lansing will be provided with financial relief, thanks to a new program offering mortgages with below-market interest rates to teachers and administrators in public schools.

See what I did there? We've cut out excessive wordiness and redundancy.

RFTM Chapter 3: Newswriting Style

What do newswriters do? Provide information in a clear and concise manner using simple language. Simple language is important because you are trying to reach an audience with widely varied capabilities and interests. To communicate effectively to a mass audience, you must present information in a way that will allow almost everyone to read and understand it.

(This is the exact opposite of what you've learned in English composition all these years, where teachers encourage you to use big and fancy words. For practical writing, this is an awful habit, as is much we're going to un-learn you from English comp this term. Use simple words and simple terms, please.)

Also, present factual information succinctly and in an impartial and objective manner. You must provide enough information so that the audience understands what happened, and keep your opinion out of stories.

(Again, a big diff between English comp and journalism is that in English comp, we write to express ourselves. In journalism, we write to share facts we've verified. Writing isn't about our self-expression; it's about informing an audience first and foremost.)

The pre-writing process. Ask yourself these questions: what is the story about? Why is it newsworthy? How is its central point unique? Failure to identify a central point risks a story that is incoherent and incomplete. Try to develop one central point thoroughly. A story with several apparent central points may be worth more than one story.

How do you find a central point? Report! What we write and how we write it isn't based on personal expression and opinion; it's based on what we discover in the reporting process, and what we determine is most interesting, relevant and useful to our audience.

The story outline. We start with the lede paragraph. That's the first paragraph of a story, which may contain the central point or a telling anecdote that sets up the central point. Often, the lede goes to end result and ultimate outcome; e.g., how the story ended and what is the latest information.

(Again, this is another big way journalism differs from English comp. In English comp, the ending is the ending. But in journalism, the ending is the lede: who won the football game, what the city council ended up doing, how many people died in the tornado outbreak, ect.)

Use simplifying words, sentences and paragraphs. Avoid long, unfamiliar words (e.g., instead of "homicide," say "murder. Instead of "vehicle," say "car" or "van" or "bus" or whatever. Instead of "inebriated vehicle operator," say "drunk driver.")

Use short sentences and paragraphs. The longer a sentence is, the more difficult it is to understand. You can shorten sentences by using the "normal word order" of subject, then verb, then direct object (e.g., instead of saying "The homework was eaten by the dog," say "The dog ate the homework.")

Write for the ear. Use sentences that do not sound awkward or inappropriate when spoken. (If you're not sure if a sentence flows well, read it out loud. Does it sound choppy or stilted or a hot mess? Then it probably reads the same way. Rewrite it as necessary until it's easy to say and hear out loud.)

Eliminate unnecessary words. Writers who use two words when one would suffice simply waste space. (Again, in English comp you are encouraged to be wordy; in journalism, we want to be efficient with our word use.) Eliminate multiple words that convey the same idea (e.g., "past history." History is the past. Eliminate one of those words.)

Remain objective. Reporters are neutral observers, not advocates or participants. Reporters provide facts and details, not opinion. (Again, journalism isn't about you expressing yourself; it's about informing the audience on what you discovered during the reporting process.)

Avoid stereotypical isms. Like, racism. (Only mention race when clearly relevant to a story, like a detailed suspect description.) Or, sexism. (Avoid occupational terms that exclude one sex or the other, like "fireman." Use "firefighter" instead.) Or ageism and word usage with the disabled, veterans and religious groups, and the poor. ("Old fogey, Bible-beater, bum," ect.)

Meeting: You Don't Need "That!"

That is one of the most unneeded words ever. How so? Let's look at this sentence:

The board said that in its decision that parents should talk to their children about the issue and provide their home with the religious training that they feel to be most appropriate.

Now, let's get rid of the three references to that. This is what's left:

The board said in its decision parents should talk to their children about the issue and provide their home with the religious training they feel to be most appropriate.

Now, what's different? Besides the loss of an unnecessary word?

Most of the time, you don't need that.

Controversial: Be Efficient With Word Use

It's important that you look for unnecessary words and strip those out of your work. Like in this lede:

The East Lansing School Board has made a decision to implement a ban to no longer allow boys from competing in girls' sports.

It's a good lede, but wordy. First, do you need to say has made a decision to when just saying decided would suffice?

Second, isn't saying implement a ban and no longer allow the same thing? I'd get rid of one of those, or even both. After all, doesn't ban say all that in just one word? What we have left is this:

The East Lansing School Board decided to ban boys from competing in girls' sports.

Is there any difference in meaning or context or detail than the first lede? I'd say not. It's just a lot shorter and less wordy.

Controversial: Don't Be Redundant

Do you need to say unanimous 9-0 vote?

No. 9-0 is unanimous. Saying both is simply repeating the obvious. You can just call it a 9-0 vote.

Be concise. Don't be wordy. And don't repeat the same thing in a different way.

More Ledes: Consider Inclusive Words

Many of you in the animals lede referred to ecologists and biologists. A couple of you simply referred to scientists.

And why not? Ecologists and biologists are scientists. It's simpler and doesn't result in any lost meaning to your readers.

If you have the opportunity to group specifics under a single umbrella term, consider that course of action.

First Ledes: Word Order

We can use word order to shorten passages. Like this one:

... according to a study done by sociologists at the University of Florida.

Anytime we have heavy use of "to a" and "by" and "at the," we probably have room to get rid of such terms by moving around word order, like I did here:

... according to a University of Florida sociologists' study.

That turned a 12-word passage into just eight words. Not a ton of words, but critical in making a lede and brief and succinct as possible, while at the same time retaining the exact same meaning as before, with no loss of content.

Meeting: You Don't Need "That!"

That is one of the most unneeded words ever. How so? Let's look at this sentence:

The board said that in its decision that parents should talk to their children about the issue and provide their home with the religious training that they feel to be most appropriate.

Now, let's get rid of the three references to that. This is what's left:

The board said in its decision parents should talk to their children about the issue and provide their home with the religious training they feel to be most appropriate.

Now, what's different? Besides the loss of an unnecessary word?

Most of the time, you don't need that.